AIBU for taking my 11 month old to an evening meal?

[MarLiz2026]

Last night I went for dinner with my husband, 11 month old and a few friends. One of our friends lives abroad and doesn’t come back to our hometown often, and he invited us out with a couple other friends to catch up and enjoy a nice evening together.

The meal was booked for 7pm and for different reasons we didn’t have anybody who could look after our baby. It has been several months since we went out for dinner with our daughter, as now she is 11 months old she is much more routined and harder to keep entertained whilst out! But we didn’t want to miss seeing our friend and thought one night isn’t going to harm anybody, we still need to have a life too!

We were seated in a smaller seating area, with a high chair and plenty of room for a pram. The restaurant was quite small and quaint but they were absolutely lovely. Just after we sat down, a couple were sat down near us. It was just our table of 5 + baby and those 2 sat in this area.

We brought toys for our daughter and hoped that once it was around bedtime we could get her to sleep in the pram. She hardly cried, and she just occasionally made some loud noises (like 11 month olds do). We did not let her run or crawl around and she was always either in her high chair or in our arms or the pram. We spent a good portion of the night trying to get her to sleep (with great difficulty) and had to do a bit of pram rocking and breastfeeding and taking her out and putting her back etc and naturally at times she got a little fussy but she was generally really good and didn’t make much noise.

When trying to get her to sleep I rocked her in the pram and me and my husband were putting a great effort into keeping her calm and trying to get her to sleep. The entire time, the couple kept looking at me (the man turning around every few minutes) and the woman staring at me the whole time. They were quite obviously talking about us and the baby and were seemed really annoyed that my daughter was there. I didn’t say anything as I didn’t want to make an already awkward situation more awkward, especially as we were having a nice evening with our friends. At one point I overheard them complaining to the staff and it made me feel so uncomfortable and to be honest really upset. When they eventually left I did share with my table and they all said I should have said something, but it has left me feeling really sad and like I have done something wrong by bringing her out?

This is the first time in a long time we have gone out with her in the evening and to be honest it has really put me off taking her out again. I would have taken her for a walk in the pram rather than rocking it in the area but we were actually seated upstairs and had to carry the pram up and down the stairs.

AIBU for taking my daughter? I don’t think I would normally care but as it’s been such a long time since we have done anything with her in the evening it has really knocked my confidence.

How weird that you think the other table weren’t having a nice evening? I’m not keen on babies and small children in a restaurant in the evening and it does sound as though you were very distracting with the baby. Many couples go out for dinner for a break from small children!

I cant say how child friendly it was op, but the fact that you were "banished" upstairs to a less populated zone - not withstanding the need to drag the pram up and down again - suggests they possibly were not seating you in their mainstream guests area. I mean no-one is going to do bother doing that for you at McDonalds!

The issue wasn't from her friends at all, and they did invite the baby and had no issue with the baby being there. It was a pair of total strangers sat at a different table who complained. The baby was happily welcomed on her own table and wasn't an issue. So unless the baby was louder than the average diner chatting or laughing then it's none of their business really.

In Spain or Italy people would think you were crazy fir asking this question - of course it is fine to take your baby out for dinner with you.

if the older couple were the only other people seated upstairs maybe they felt uncomfortable being a couple by a larger party, in which case they could’ve asked to move downstairs,

Don’t let this upset you x

@GentleTealCat I’m starting to wonder if those of us who are saying it wasn’t a good idea to take the baby out that late are all 50+ years old. It definitely wasn’t a thing when mine were babies. I don’t think we ever went out for food as we were really short of cash (but that’s besides the point). It was such a rare treat I wouldn’t want to sit next to someone who kept getting up & down & making a noise. I don’t recall any of my friends taking babies out for dinner either.

That's possibly true as I know my DM and MIL were always a bit taken aback by the places we took our babies. Not judging so much, but kind of "Oh they took the baby when we went to X! It was fine actually: baby slept." But it did seem they thought it was comment-worthy.

ETA though I'd have thought it might be more a sort of 65 plus demographic
AETA I also think prams changed in style a lot, which is a factor.

I wasn’t out with any children!! Maybe you’ve misquoted me thinking I was someone else?

Op don’t let them dictate your actions.

A baby past 7 in other countries is so common no one says anything. Just ignore them.

As far as I am concerned, if it’s not my children crying I could not care less about other children or babies making noises.

What sticks out the most to me is the fact that we are now making everything dog friendly and babies are seen as an inconvenience.

Madness

The less you care about what others think of you, the happier you’ll be.

You wrote ‘think maybe the couple were probably just having a bit of a shit evening (nothing to do with you)’. That’s what I was referring to.

I'd have left the pram downstairs so I could easily go for a walk to get them to sleep .

Haha first time I read that post I thought she meant invite the snotty couple over to settle the baby for you 😂😂 I quite liked that idea.

i all seriousness, OP don’t let it get to you. You have a life and a child so sometimes they have to be with you. It’s not like you can leave them tied up outside and TBH if it’s the sort of eatery that allows dogs it seems pretty likely people should expect to see kids

Id like to ask OP why she didnt attempt to apologise to the couple who were clearly unhappy. It may have helped.

I always avoid sitting near disturbances where possible.

You ruined the other couples evening if the man kept turning round every minute. How could they have concentrated on trying to have a conversation or a nice time ?

YANBU for taking your baby out with you. Some people are so miserable and hateful for the sake of it, they've nothing better to do obviously, ignore them and enjoy you little one. They grow up too fast 🤍✌🏼😌

I always find it hard to believe & actually sad there are people who object to children being out with their parents regardless of time or place, unless its an adults only establishment.

Wouldn't love sitting next to a table where they were having to rock the pram etc, especially if indoors. If it's a terrace outside it's OK, but all the getting and and down, rocking pram etc must be a nightmare if you are out on date night or trying to have a relaxed evening (lunchtime is different).
But honestly, must have been a nuisance for your friends also. Parents never notice but when there is a child they are constantly distracted by the child, conversation is terrible. Let alone the breastfeeding/rocking combo.
If you had to take her, should have asked for table outside or at least downstairs so you could have taken her for a walk. Not an issue if there are dogs around unless she is crawling around which she hopefully wasn't?

The sooner they are used to being in a restaurant environment the easier it is when they are older to understand how to behave well in a restaurant!

It's not fair to others to be made an unwilling part of the training process.

Completely normal. People are dicks. You should have challenged them. The baby is entitled to be at a restaurant as you are. I mean they have dogs downstairs!!

Sorry did the other couple not have legs? Could they not have moved? A baby is not a disturbance.

Is the mother of an 11-month-old a “new mum”?

What do you mean by hardly cried?

If it was daytime I would probably suck up a baby being fussy, if it cried I’d expect one parent to take it away from other diners.

At 7pm plus at night I’d not want to be listening to a fussy baby or one crying even hardly crying. Same for loud toddlers/childten. I think one of you should have stayed home, having the child out at bedtime was always going to end up with a hard to settle baby.

Don’t think it’s unreasonable. The restaurant would have said if baby wasn’t welcome and doesn’t sound like she was being loud.

I find lunchtime in general better for taking kids out to eat (unless I’ve lucked out and they’re not with me!) as restaurants are quieter and younger ones can nap while you eat 😁

Lots of differences of opinion & thankfully the majority wouldn’t object. If the baby had been crying which wasn’t the case I would have offered to help. There again for me children always take priority.

Why should they move? They aren’t the ones bringing a baby out at bedtime and disturbing others. A fussy unsettled baby is a disturbance.

Based on the information you’ve given I think YABU. Baby fussed and you and your husband went through great lengths to try and settle her-I would find this really distracting and irritating to be honest. And I do have kids myself. I think it’s only acceptable in an extremely casual restaurant.
I actually think there’s a great need for adults only restaurants-and I say this as someone with kids!