AIBU for taking my 11 month old to an evening meal?

[MarLiz2026]

Last night I went for dinner with my husband, 11 month old and a few friends. One of our friends lives abroad and doesn’t come back to our hometown often, and he invited us out with a couple other friends to catch up and enjoy a nice evening together.

The meal was booked for 7pm and for different reasons we didn’t have anybody who could look after our baby. It has been several months since we went out for dinner with our daughter, as now she is 11 months old she is much more routined and harder to keep entertained whilst out! But we didn’t want to miss seeing our friend and thought one night isn’t going to harm anybody, we still need to have a life too!

We were seated in a smaller seating area, with a high chair and plenty of room for a pram. The restaurant was quite small and quaint but they were absolutely lovely. Just after we sat down, a couple were sat down near us. It was just our table of 5 + baby and those 2 sat in this area.

We brought toys for our daughter and hoped that once it was around bedtime we could get her to sleep in the pram. She hardly cried, and she just occasionally made some loud noises (like 11 month olds do). We did not let her run or crawl around and she was always either in her high chair or in our arms or the pram. We spent a good portion of the night trying to get her to sleep (with great difficulty) and had to do a bit of pram rocking and breastfeeding and taking her out and putting her back etc and naturally at times she got a little fussy but she was generally really good and didn’t make much noise.

When trying to get her to sleep I rocked her in the pram and me and my husband were putting a great effort into keeping her calm and trying to get her to sleep. The entire time, the couple kept looking at me (the man turning around every few minutes) and the woman staring at me the whole time. They were quite obviously talking about us and the baby and were seemed really annoyed that my daughter was there. I didn’t say anything as I didn’t want to make an already awkward situation more awkward, especially as we were having a nice evening with our friends. At one point I overheard them complaining to the staff and it made me feel so uncomfortable and to be honest really upset. When they eventually left I did share with my table and they all said I should have said something, but it has left me feeling really sad and like I have done something wrong by bringing her out?

This is the first time in a long time we have gone out with her in the evening and to be honest it has really put me off taking her out again. I would have taken her for a walk in the pram rather than rocking it in the area but we were actually seated upstairs and had to carry the pram up and down the stairs.

AIBU for taking my daughter? I don’t think I would normally care but as it’s been such a long time since we have done anything with her in the evening it has really knocked my confidence.

You weren't unreasonable for taking your child. The 70/80yo couple weren't unreasonable for being irritated by your child's preference either, but it was rude if them to make it obvious to you they were annoyed. They should have discretely asked the restaurant staff for another table if one was available, and if it wasn't then they just needed to suck it up if the restaurant was child friendly as you have said was.

I also don't think you could expect a 70/80 yo couple who won't have young children of their own to check if a restaurant is child friendly before choosing to dine there, because frankly I don't think it's common to see babies and young children out in restaurants on an evening in the UK.

I wouldn't take my baby out for an evening meal past the age of 3/4 months, as that's the age mine starting going down for the night at 7pm ish, rather than being up and down all evening until 10pm ish. I know they would be fussy and unsettled in a sit-down meal setting and that I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself. I have kept them up late for weddings before, but by the time it was past their bedtime the music and dancing were in full swing so they weren't disturbing others.

It's very much your decision as the parent, you know your child best and how they're likely to react to a late night. In your scenario with the babysitter letting you down last minute, one of us would have stayed at home (whoever was better friends with the visiting friend would have gone to the meal - we don't have any truly mutual friends though so that would have been an easy decision for us!).

You sound as though you were creating a lot of fuss, noise and disturbance. You said yourself the baby was making loud noises, wouldn't settle, was in and out of the pram, baby was fussing, you were fussing, rocking the pram. What a palaver, which I am sure would create a disturbance.

If you are in a pizza hut or somewhere obviously family friendly this wouldn't matter.

But it's not appropriate for a restaurant not specifically aimed at children or families. If you were all quiet and still and not faffing around making a load of noise and being disruptive, it wouldn't have mattered. Sounds like you were though and that would have done my head in and felt intrusive and like you were dominating the environment. People shouldn't encroach on other people space, whether that's physically, or by making a noise.

I was a single parent, so if I wanted to go out my child came with me. I generally do not make a fuss or faff about and make a song and a dance out of everything. When out and about places, we would be frequently met with astonished comments that they didn't realise a child was there because he was so good and quiet.

People who fuss about, and make a noisy song and dance about doing stuff are just really intrusive on others, and isn't socially considerate. This isn't just people with kids. I was at a campsite recently quietly washing up in the facilities block. It was peaceful. If people come in I often chat so I don't expect silence. A woman burst through the door with a bang, huffed, puffed, talked to herself, clattered everything so loudly, banged everything around, slammed, muttered away etc etc for the whole.time she was in the room. She was just so noisy, and completely changed the energy of the space to something intrusive and unsettled. It's really hard to ignore people like that.

This can be how some people with children are. This can be how some people.woth dogs are. It's not about the kids or the dogs, it's about dominating the space and intruding on others. I suspect you may be more in this category than the category of people not even noticing the presence of a child

I’m older , I have children + grandchildren , this wouldn’t bother me at all .
In actual fact I was out with my husband the other evening and a young couple with a baby were struggling a bit because this particular restaurant didn’t have anywhere to change the baby and there didn’t seem to be a high chair .
The baby was just making baby noises , it’s fine

The place had a high chair so it was clearly prepared for visiting babies. YANBU OP, ignore the nasty couple ❤️

I’ve been out for dinner before where my husband and I have got a sitter for our child and then had to put up with the noise and general annoyance of someone else’s baby, as they’re overtired and bored; it’s utterly irritating. I think if you’re eating out at 5pm it’s to be expected and fine to have a baby making noise and just generally being a baby, but meeting at 7 (so realistically not tucking in to food until 7:30/8), and then having conversation and drinks with friends that make the whole meal last much longer, means that it really wasn’t the right time to take a baby. I would’ve been irritated too. Your replies here also suggest you’re quite entitled and defensive. Deep down you probably know it was disturbing and annoying for the other diners, but you’re too focused on meeting your friends and “still having a life”, so you want us to all agree with you that all was fine.

It was unreasonable because you prioritised yourself over everyone else in there (but I would too so who cares) - the real issue is why on earth restaurants even allow this, especially after 7pm.

Then go to a restaurant that doesn’t cater to children. I’ve been to Michelin restaurants and had a child in a high chair. No issue. My daughter frequently joins me to Michelin and similar restaurants without issue. I do enjoy using the AMEX dining credit both here and in France. No issues thus far.

If I'm worried a baby or child might "ruin" my fancy meal out ... I just ask to move. A restaurant did this for me recently because both parents and children were loud and the parents were the demonstrative kind (can't think what you'd call it when parents deliberately tell or ask their kids stuff to prove how intelligent they are). We had a lovely meal on the opposite side of the restaurant. We were near kids but regular ones!

It sounds like your baby was ok but the other people ruined your evening. Sorry to hear that happened. Some people are very intolerant to babies or young children around. That shouldn’t be the case.

If people want adult only then that’s up to them to find those places.

Now is the time to start advocating for your daughter and tell people to piss off!

Its difficult to say without having been there and experience in person how annoying or not it was. They could have been affected by your party or they could have just been judgemental morons.

You are not being unreasonable. They could have chosen not to focus on it, and minded their own business. Or maybe exchanged pleasant chat and had the privilege of interacting with your baby a little when awake. Or asked to be moved if it was really intolerable for them ( though why would that be?)
I find the bit of British culture that feels entitled to complain about babies really tiresome. Loud crying usually means the baby is taken out but other than that there's nothing a baby is doing that's that disturbing.
Shake it off op and enjoy your baby.

As a mum of 3..... old now, and a nanny of 6....... when my husband and I go out for dinner together after 6pm its a treat for us. I would be irritated if kids/babies /parents had to keep getting up and down during our meal /rocking prams beside me etc. Sorry.
I got babysitters or didn't go 🤐

Imagine being cross or annoyed by a baby!
who are these people?
miserable and joyless it would seem…
There is an underlying sense of anger in this world, patience and tolerance has almost disappeared, we need to grab any glimmers of joy. I think babies are joyful and I would have smiled at your baby.

I would be annoyed as there is a time and a place and baby should be home asleep, and yes a crying annoying baby in a restaurant at night very annoying,

I wouldn't personally have minded, but I could see it being annoying - all that up, down and all around activity in what you describe as a small space.

To be honest, I'd have been more annoyed as your friend, as I assume you were both distracted a lot of the time - as PP have suggested, better invite people to yours if you don't have a sitter! (I see you covered these posts, but just suggesting I'd keep it in mind for next time.)

By the way, I'm not sympathetic and would probably have done the same! But my kids are older now so my perspective is different.

I agree with this poster as well. The issue is that it is very hard to go for a peaceful meal now. And yes I do have children and understand the challenges.

But maybe they expect it during lunchtime or early evening, not with a tired fractious baby at bed time? That’s the issue.

I think it depends entirely on the restaurant OP.

Pizza joint? Of course you took the baby.

White linen table cloths and a sommelier? Probably too much to have toys there and a baby awake.

ETA we DID actually take our babies to the latter until about a year old but ONLY if they were actually asleep in the pram, and we would plan the evening around this (eg dinner, change, feed and a walk around the block till they dropped off to sleep in the pram before we wheeled them in). We did have good pram sleepers though.

I think you can take her, but next time just check you don't have a situation with the pram upstairs, That way you can escape to take them out more easily if things go wrong. A lot of jiggling to sleep and even normal loud noises in an expensive adult restaurant is probably a bit intrusive

There's no issue with a sleeping baby. We took ours to some fairly well-known occasion restaurants, but we just made sure a) they were asleep and b) we didn't muck around on the rare occasion they woke but immediately removed them to settle elsewhere. There is usually a cloakroom area or similar you can do this.

It's often not what the baby is doing but the adults who brought the baby! Too much jiggling or toy waving etc!

If a restaurant has high chairs, then I'm not surprised to see children there.

Agree.

It sounds as though the baby took over the evening. Wasn't just a meet up with good friends after all.

Upthread you’ve said the restaurant wasn’t a quiet place.

Up until then I sat on the fence but it probably explains why Bubs was fussy at times because the noise was not normal.

in that case, we would have left.

Some people are just grumpy, they view the world as somewhere to look for complaints and reasons as to why they're miserable. It isn't a sweet baby on a night with her loving parents making them unhappy, it's that they're miserable and unhappy people. It's hard for them to see that though, so they take aim at everyone and everything around them. Ignore them. It reminds me of an old lady at our local shop who tutted loudly when my dd asked me for some maltesers at the till and said "children are so greedy these days" my dh politely told her to jog on, she looked a bit surprised to be called out on it tbh. Viewing the world positively is a good way to keep happy I think, it inspires me as I age!!