AIBU for taking my 11 month old to an evening meal?

[MarLiz2026]

Last night I went for dinner with my husband, 11 month old and a few friends. One of our friends lives abroad and doesn’t come back to our hometown often, and he invited us out with a couple other friends to catch up and enjoy a nice evening together.

The meal was booked for 7pm and for different reasons we didn’t have anybody who could look after our baby. It has been several months since we went out for dinner with our daughter, as now she is 11 months old she is much more routined and harder to keep entertained whilst out! But we didn’t want to miss seeing our friend and thought one night isn’t going to harm anybody, we still need to have a life too!

We were seated in a smaller seating area, with a high chair and plenty of room for a pram. The restaurant was quite small and quaint but they were absolutely lovely. Just after we sat down, a couple were sat down near us. It was just our table of 5 + baby and those 2 sat in this area.

We brought toys for our daughter and hoped that once it was around bedtime we could get her to sleep in the pram. She hardly cried, and she just occasionally made some loud noises (like 11 month olds do). We did not let her run or crawl around and she was always either in her high chair or in our arms or the pram. We spent a good portion of the night trying to get her to sleep (with great difficulty) and had to do a bit of pram rocking and breastfeeding and taking her out and putting her back etc and naturally at times she got a little fussy but she was generally really good and didn’t make much noise.

When trying to get her to sleep I rocked her in the pram and me and my husband were putting a great effort into keeping her calm and trying to get her to sleep. The entire time, the couple kept looking at me (the man turning around every few minutes) and the woman staring at me the whole time. They were quite obviously talking about us and the baby and were seemed really annoyed that my daughter was there. I didn’t say anything as I didn’t want to make an already awkward situation more awkward, especially as we were having a nice evening with our friends. At one point I overheard them complaining to the staff and it made me feel so uncomfortable and to be honest really upset. When they eventually left I did share with my table and they all said I should have said something, but it has left me feeling really sad and like I have done something wrong by bringing her out?

This is the first time in a long time we have gone out with her in the evening and to be honest it has really put me off taking her out again. I would have taken her for a walk in the pram rather than rocking it in the area but we were actually seated upstairs and had to carry the pram up and down the stairs.

AIBU for taking my daughter? I don’t think I would normally care but as it’s been such a long time since we have done anything with her in the evening it has really knocked my confidence.

I think babies 3-4 months and younger can get away with this and older than that it starts to be less easy. Certainly by 11 months, you are approaching toddler territory and the expectation that a child of that age will just happily chill in a highchair / buggy while old friends catch up... it's optimistic at best.

I'm a parent, also have old friends who live abroad and periodically visit so I get the desire to catch up. However, I am firmly on team YABU on this one. Babies are dominating, you might not have meant for that to happen but it undoubtedly did. The focus of the evening was very likely their needs. It's also spilled over into affecting your fellow diners. Maybe they were just miserable bastards, who knows, but I don't think they WBU to expect that by 8/9pm, there are no small children in attendance.

If I've made the very rare arrangements to be out in the evening without my children, I'm afraid I don't want to encounter other people's struggles to induce sleep, regulate noises etc.

I voted yabu though I am sympathetic to your reasons for taking her with you on this occasion.
Tbh, your table sounds so distracting and busy, if I'd gone out for a nice meal with my partner, I would have been disappointed to be sitting next to yous.
I think this is something you can learn from this too. You are pushing back against people who are saying yabu but it can't have been much of a relaxing or fun experience for you either.
Like others have said, things are different in Europe. Our 3 kids were taken with us for evening meals, no problem.

That’s there gentle way of telling you you were being unreasonable 🙄

Genuinely I love seeing babies and children out and interacting with their families.
Personally I hate seeing them on an iPad and way prefer them making a noise.

If you’d been sat beside me, I’d have smiled and waved and hope that you knew I liked seeing you all together. Babies and children always give me hope and it’s lovely to see them being treasured and included.

I have no issue with children in restaurants BUT the minute they start fussing/ need rocking one of you goes OUT
Its really not fair on others to do all the rocking and shushing
Personally hell would freeze over before I took mine out at bedtime are you insane
Before everyone comes for me we did lunches and early bird all the time but bedtime nope
Not fair on the child

”The restaurant was quite small and quaint”. Sounds just the sort of place an older couple would choose for a quiet evening, not such an ideal choice for a get together with friends and baby. I can imagine it might have been stressful for some - including you, OP.

Perhaps not unreasonable, but not the wisest choice in the circumstances.

Def not being unreasonable. Wtf is wrong with voting here?!

You do realise there isn't "something wrong with voting" just because you are in the minority ?

I mean, that is the point of a poll, to get a quick snapshot of what everyone who chooses to vote thinks. In some polls your opinion will agree with the majority and in others you will be in the minority.

Indeed
Just 62% of the sample

At this age I always took my three out in a sling. If they didn’t breastfeed to sleep at the table, or got unsettled I’d pop them in the sling. I’d walk about, easily up or down stairs as needed until we were outside. And I’d walk outside until they dozed off. Cool air on their faces helped. Much handier than a cumbersome buggy or pram, much less limiting. Also with baby number two, with the help of a babywearing consultant I learned how to breastfeed in the sling which was a game changer. It meant that trips out, even in the evenings were much easier.

I can totally empathise with a new Mum wanting an evening out instead of being stuck at home where she probably spends every day!

YANBU

So a lot of mumsnetters seem to think it’s okay to be ageist against children, so prejudiced and entitled. Well when I go out for meals I don’t want arseholes like them in the restaurants I go to, so I guess I’m prejudiced against them.

Literally went anywhere at any time with my son if the establishment allows fir babies and later toddlers. Can't wait till he is 5 so I can attend ROH again too. People who are annoyed at kids at places that allow kids are simply weird... If you expect a time without a baby in sight then just book where you get such service - simple.
Imagine me complaining about dogs in a cafe that has a sign - all 4 legged friends are welcome 🤷🏼‍♀️

I cant stand badly behaved kids in any setting but ia fussy baby is ok. If the baby is really upset it makes me upset. People are just a bit mean really, dont be upset, as a mum myself I remember missing things because of my babies. I prefer the Italian way.

If the baby was actually invited, why the attempts to sort childcare with various family members instead of immediately agreeing to take her? That would suggest OP maybe wanted an evening without her baby, thought it’d change the dynamic for the other child-free guests in her group or be disruptive to baby’s routine or other diners. In an ideal scenario, OP didn’t want to bring her own baby but clearly when she had to, expected strangers to be happy about it and find her baby as adorable as she does.

Who knows what the other couple’s circumstances were but coming out for a nice meal and seeing a couple faffing with a fussy baby is annoying and distracting. Hopefully OP has learnt lunchtime or home-based meet ups are needed for now or her and her partner need to tag team.

So a lot of mumsnetters seem to think it’s okay to be ageist against children, so prejudiced and entitled
Can we please give it up with the stupid statement that people are against children. People are against parents who take noisy and disruptive children to places where a certain level of quietness is expected. That completely different.

Loud teenagers, drunk obnoxious adults, old people misbehaving, all the same, people want to go out in the evening and enjoy their food and having a conversation without constant interruption. How is that unreasonable?

I prefer the Italian way
In France and Italy, the main meal of the day is Lunch! So more likely they would want a quieter setting at lunch, whilst evenings are more family oriented.

Not comparable at all!

Some people are just mardy arses who will complain if anything is not as they expect - and some folk expect that babies aren't out of the house after 5pm. If kiddo was no more noisy than any other diner then I would assume the problem was with Grumpy Arse Couple, not you/your baby.

They could have asked to be moved, or is that what they went to speak to staff about?

For all we know, they normally sit at the table you had and that was their beef, or they just didn't want to be near a baby (regardless of what the baby did) but didn't want to give up their usual table to move...

I once had someone complain about me in a pub restaurant... because I had got their 'usual table' (they weren't booked in or anything!) - as it was the only one a wheelchair would fit at without being a trip hazard.

They were so incensed that the 'gentleman' said the quiet part out loud 'well... why is a wheelchair even out at night'... (like we're curfewed, only permitted out in the daytime), so really his issue was that he thought disabled people shouldn't be allowed out in public! I wish I had heard the staff response to that... I don't think it was overly polite as the couple stormed off in the end!

I don't think you were unreasonable at all, I think you've fallen foul of the Mumsnet Viper nest who are determined to re-write your circumstance so they can have a pop at you over things that never happened!

The thing is you didn't know who was going to be in that restaurant that night! Yes it happened to be elderly couple but it could just easily have been a child free couple that have been at work all day or couple that have forked out for a baby sitter. There's less and less people choosing to have kids now so you have to expect a greater need for child free spaces.
I was at Stansted airport recently and 4 adults were with a baby and for the whole of the 20 mins stood waiting for the car park bus and the 15 mins on the bus we had 4 adults making silly noises loudly and constantly to stop the baby grizzling! That kind of thing isn't appropriate in a restaurant at night when people are trying to have a drink and meal and relax.

Yes we get you had no baby sitter but it's always a bad idea to drag babies and very young children to bars and restaurants at night! People are never going to appreciate you doing it!

Have a toddler and a baby younger than yours and if we go out, we book a child friendly restaurant and we book for 5pm! The joke amongst our friends is that we at the door before staff have a chance to open up and the chef has time to switch on the oven:)

when we have been out (rare) with the children to a nicer restaurant (which will provide a high chair etc) we always ask to be sat away from other diners!

Dont worry about it now OP, there is nothing to be done. As much as I love my friends from abroad and locally I wouldn’t put my child through a change of routine/or other diners through the hassle. In your situation, one of us would have went and one would have stayed home if you couldn’t have everyone at yours!

Reading more comments I am just baffled by double standards here - people saying they don't mind children or babies but only if they are not crying or trying to fall asleep or too loud or moving around etc...
I mean I love dogs in general but not a fan of the smell near my table if I am having a nice meal, not a fan of them wagging their tail over the bread basket on my table, but what can I do - they smell and wag tails - if they are allowed in restaurants I can just hope I am not sitting next to on. If I do I I certainly don't stare down their owners or ask on Mumsnet why they can't make arrangements for their dog to stay home. Same goes for people with strong body odour "why don't you just stay home you are ruining the meal for everyone around you"... Let's be fair - it's just luck really where you get seated - everyone allowed in has equal right to be there 🤷🏼‍♀️

Intolerant idiots. Ignore 'em. x

I think it’s fine to take babies and young kiddies out to eat in the evenings. But it’s always a difficult situation. Us mature people who have had babies have gone through all this.So they can get a bit grumpy if they hear a lot of noise.When you get older it can be very annoying to hear babies and kiddies crying and screaming which is what kiddies they do ,that’s very normal.We all have rights to choose when and where we eat.But I do feel that if you go to a high end restaurant and pay a fortune for your meal that you should enjoy that in peace. Op you’ve done nothing wrong it’s just that some people think that children should be seen and not heard and if they want a quiet meal then should go somewhere upmarket. Also mature adults can behave very bad like loud shouting and swearing in restaurants and that is not a normal behaviour.So it’s not always down to the kiddies .I love seeing a tiny baby I just want to cuddle them and many times that’s just what I do I offer to hold the baby so mum and dad can eat their meal in peace and they are happy for me to do that.

Nah, sounds like a nightmare all round. I’ve got two grown up children and when they were little, if we were invited somewhere nice for dinner, I’d never have lugged a baby along! If we couldn’t get minders we didn’t go, simple as that.

What was your friend supposed to say don't come?
The complaining other couple are allowed to feel what they feel, as are you.

None of my business, and unless this was a véry posh and expensive restaurant I wouldn't mind being seated next to a young child - I would've probably ended up holding the baby for you. But.....in my experience - and I'm a mother ánd a grandmother - going out for dinner is no fun for babies nor for their accompanying adults. Lunch at a friendly place with if possible a play area is about the furthest we in our family go for eating out.