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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU for taking my 11 month old to an evening meal?

792 replies

MarLiz2026 · 04/10/2026 22:42

Last night I went for dinner with my husband, 11 month old and a few friends. One of our friends lives abroad and doesn’t come back to our hometown often, and he invited us out with a couple other friends to catch up and enjoy a nice evening together.

The meal was booked for 7pm and for different reasons we didn’t have anybody who could look after our baby. It has been several months since we went out for dinner with our daughter, as now she is 11 months old she is much more routined and harder to keep entertained whilst out! But we didn’t want to miss seeing our friend and thought one night isn’t going to harm anybody, we still need to have a life too!

We were seated in a smaller seating area, with a high chair and plenty of room for a pram. The restaurant was quite small and quaint but they were absolutely lovely. Just after we sat down, a couple were sat down near us. It was just our table of 5 + baby and those 2 sat in this area.

We brought toys for our daughter and hoped that once it was around bedtime we could get her to sleep in the pram. She hardly cried, and she just occasionally made some loud noises (like 11 month olds do). We did not let her run or crawl around and she was always either in her high chair or in our arms or the pram. We spent a good portion of the night trying to get her to sleep (with great difficulty) and had to do a bit of pram rocking and breastfeeding and taking her out and putting her back etc and naturally at times she got a little fussy but she was generally really good and didn’t make much noise.

When trying to get her to sleep I rocked her in the pram and me and my husband were putting a great effort into keeping her calm and trying to get her to sleep. The entire time, the couple kept looking at me (the man turning around every few minutes) and the woman staring at me the whole time. They were quite obviously talking about us and the baby and were seemed really annoyed that my daughter was there. I didn’t say anything as I didn’t want to make an already awkward situation more awkward, especially as we were having a nice evening with our friends. At one point I overheard them complaining to the staff and it made me feel so uncomfortable and to be honest really upset. When they eventually left I did share with my table and they all said I should have said something, but it has left me feeling really sad and like I have done something wrong by bringing her out?

This is the first time in a long time we have gone out with her in the evening and to be honest it has really put me off taking her out again. I would have taken her for a walk in the pram rather than rocking it in the area but we were actually seated upstairs and had to carry the pram up and down the stairs.

AIBU for taking my daughter? I don’t think I would normally care but as it’s been such a long time since we have done anything with her in the evening it has really knocked my confidence.

OP posts:
babyproblems · 05/10/2026 18:34

I think it depends on what type of restaurant it was tbh. If it was somewhere a bit fancy or particularly boujee I’d say it’s not appropriate for a baby in the evening. If it was a pub or a local friendly Italian, or a chain, I’d say it’s ok. X

Julimia · 05/10/2026 18:35

Take no notice. This says nothing about you and your daughter but lost about the staring couple. Stop worrying continue taking her out.

FlyingCatGirl · 05/10/2026 18:35

HettyMeg · 05/10/2026 18:27

Unfortunately we live in a country where children are not very welcome in public places, this wouldn't be remarked upon at all in many European countries where it's standard for babies & children to be up late and out with their families.

You seem to not be understanding the reason why! In the UK parents let kids scream and charge around, they let kids run in front of waiting staff carrying plates of hot food! We are a country that allows kids to run around peoples tables and neatly knock drinks over. Start controlling kids like countries abroad do avd there's much less of a problem. I travel a lot and it's cobblers to suggest that bars and restaurants are full of babies late at night.

Therescathairinmybath · 05/10/2026 18:38

Is there a reason why one of you couldn’t stay at home with your baby? It sounds like that would have been a better option. I didn’t take my children out in the evenings until they were old enough for me to actually enjoy the experience!

crazymamma000 · 05/10/2026 18:39

SandyY2K · 04/10/2026 22:57

Tbh, I find it irritating when babies are noisy. I'm currently on holiday and earlier on, there was a baby banging cutlery on the table. Her parents didn't make any attempt to stop her. I find that the noise barely affects DH, but I'm a bit noise sensitive.

If I saw a couple trying, as you were, I'd feel sympathetic and wouldn't show annoyance.

Going off like you was never once a baby lol how strange

ItsOkItsDarkChocolate · 05/10/2026 18:39

@MarLiz2026

Wow! 20 pages in less than 24hrs!

I’ll be honest, I’ve not read all your updates, but I wanted to just say, I think this is in part a cultural thing, unfortunately.

Many places outside of the UK, this wouldn’t even raise an eyebrow. You were clearly somewhere suitable, you handled it well, kids learn to be resilient with experiences like this. My ex-pat brother would have done this loads in Singapore.

It was considered and a conscious outing, a rarity due to circumstances. You’re fine. Let them judge. You don’t have to explain your parenting decisions to people.

crazymamma000 · 05/10/2026 18:41

MarLiz2026 · 04/10/2026 22:42

Last night I went for dinner with my husband, 11 month old and a few friends. One of our friends lives abroad and doesn’t come back to our hometown often, and he invited us out with a couple other friends to catch up and enjoy a nice evening together.

The meal was booked for 7pm and for different reasons we didn’t have anybody who could look after our baby. It has been several months since we went out for dinner with our daughter, as now she is 11 months old she is much more routined and harder to keep entertained whilst out! But we didn’t want to miss seeing our friend and thought one night isn’t going to harm anybody, we still need to have a life too!

We were seated in a smaller seating area, with a high chair and plenty of room for a pram. The restaurant was quite small and quaint but they were absolutely lovely. Just after we sat down, a couple were sat down near us. It was just our table of 5 + baby and those 2 sat in this area.

We brought toys for our daughter and hoped that once it was around bedtime we could get her to sleep in the pram. She hardly cried, and she just occasionally made some loud noises (like 11 month olds do). We did not let her run or crawl around and she was always either in her high chair or in our arms or the pram. We spent a good portion of the night trying to get her to sleep (with great difficulty) and had to do a bit of pram rocking and breastfeeding and taking her out and putting her back etc and naturally at times she got a little fussy but she was generally really good and didn’t make much noise.

When trying to get her to sleep I rocked her in the pram and me and my husband were putting a great effort into keeping her calm and trying to get her to sleep. The entire time, the couple kept looking at me (the man turning around every few minutes) and the woman staring at me the whole time. They were quite obviously talking about us and the baby and were seemed really annoyed that my daughter was there. I didn’t say anything as I didn’t want to make an already awkward situation more awkward, especially as we were having a nice evening with our friends. At one point I overheard them complaining to the staff and it made me feel so uncomfortable and to be honest really upset. When they eventually left I did share with my table and they all said I should have said something, but it has left me feeling really sad and like I have done something wrong by bringing her out?

This is the first time in a long time we have gone out with her in the evening and to be honest it has really put me off taking her out again. I would have taken her for a walk in the pram rather than rocking it in the area but we were actually seated upstairs and had to carry the pram up and down the stairs.

AIBU for taking my daughter? I don’t think I would normally care but as it’s been such a long time since we have done anything with her in the evening it has really knocked my confidence.

If it’s not a night club you’re trying to sneak your child into then I really don’t see the issue or anybody else’s issue … they should of hired a bloody private room out shouldent they if they had an issue the massive snobs 🤣 … sending love as a mamma of 4 !

Whatnow226 · 05/10/2026 18:43

MarLiz2026 · 04/10/2026 22:42

Last night I went for dinner with my husband, 11 month old and a few friends. One of our friends lives abroad and doesn’t come back to our hometown often, and he invited us out with a couple other friends to catch up and enjoy a nice evening together.

The meal was booked for 7pm and for different reasons we didn’t have anybody who could look after our baby. It has been several months since we went out for dinner with our daughter, as now she is 11 months old she is much more routined and harder to keep entertained whilst out! But we didn’t want to miss seeing our friend and thought one night isn’t going to harm anybody, we still need to have a life too!

We were seated in a smaller seating area, with a high chair and plenty of room for a pram. The restaurant was quite small and quaint but they were absolutely lovely. Just after we sat down, a couple were sat down near us. It was just our table of 5 + baby and those 2 sat in this area.

We brought toys for our daughter and hoped that once it was around bedtime we could get her to sleep in the pram. She hardly cried, and she just occasionally made some loud noises (like 11 month olds do). We did not let her run or crawl around and she was always either in her high chair or in our arms or the pram. We spent a good portion of the night trying to get her to sleep (with great difficulty) and had to do a bit of pram rocking and breastfeeding and taking her out and putting her back etc and naturally at times she got a little fussy but she was generally really good and didn’t make much noise.

When trying to get her to sleep I rocked her in the pram and me and my husband were putting a great effort into keeping her calm and trying to get her to sleep. The entire time, the couple kept looking at me (the man turning around every few minutes) and the woman staring at me the whole time. They were quite obviously talking about us and the baby and were seemed really annoyed that my daughter was there. I didn’t say anything as I didn’t want to make an already awkward situation more awkward, especially as we were having a nice evening with our friends. At one point I overheard them complaining to the staff and it made me feel so uncomfortable and to be honest really upset. When they eventually left I did share with my table and they all said I should have said something, but it has left me feeling really sad and like I have done something wrong by bringing her out?

This is the first time in a long time we have gone out with her in the evening and to be honest it has really put me off taking her out again. I would have taken her for a walk in the pram rather than rocking it in the area but we were actually seated upstairs and had to carry the pram up and down the stairs.

AIBU for taking my daughter? I don’t think I would normally care but as it’s been such a long time since we have done anything with her in the evening it has really knocked my confidence.

OP, I feel for you and agree with what you’re saying.
we went on a holiday in England with our inlaws and went for an evening meal in the pub at their suggestion. We had a 1YO and newborn twins at the time. The whole experience was horrible. We hadn’t been to any kind of meal out before that, and were made to feel awful. Even the in-laws didn’t help. It left a bitterness with us, 3 years later we have been out for food only recently with the children, but wouldn’t attempt it with anyone else. My take is there are others who don’t care.i am always conscious of the kids being noisy etc. All me and DH do is care for the kids, we don’t go out or do anything. It’s stressful taking them all out and we don’t do it often just because it’s hard work 🤣 but why should you not go out if you have a small child ?

WildWindySeascape · 05/10/2026 18:45

I think the difference with continental Europe is that the babies are all used to it and parents accept they will all be up late, even the little ones. If your baby is used to a 7pm bedtime routine then this wasn’t really appropriate. I probably would have put mine in a sling, walked outside until she fell asleep, and then put her asleep into the pram (while keeping fingers crossed). Rocking a pram and trying to put a baby to sleep while others are trying to enjoy a meal is inappropriate.

Also eating out is so expensive now that for many people it is an event. I think that changes the dynamic as well.

Kokonimater · 05/10/2026 18:45

Posting on here isn’t going to help you much. Most people just go for the jugular. I’m in Spain. Babies are out at night in restaurants.
but the issue is op you need to get a bit of fire in your belly. It doesn’t matter what other people think. Why are you sad that some random miserable couple disapproved of you. So what. Get over
it. It’s ok!!!

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 05/10/2026 18:46

I’m on the fence. On the one hand this could irritate me, on the other hand sometimes this is just one of those things. I really struggle with you not finding a babysitter though because lots of my family and friends use them (bubble app mostly or through nursery, nursery worker).

user1464187087 · 05/10/2026 18:49

MarLiz2026 · 04/10/2026 22:42

Last night I went for dinner with my husband, 11 month old and a few friends. One of our friends lives abroad and doesn’t come back to our hometown often, and he invited us out with a couple other friends to catch up and enjoy a nice evening together.

The meal was booked for 7pm and for different reasons we didn’t have anybody who could look after our baby. It has been several months since we went out for dinner with our daughter, as now she is 11 months old she is much more routined and harder to keep entertained whilst out! But we didn’t want to miss seeing our friend and thought one night isn’t going to harm anybody, we still need to have a life too!

We were seated in a smaller seating area, with a high chair and plenty of room for a pram. The restaurant was quite small and quaint but they were absolutely lovely. Just after we sat down, a couple were sat down near us. It was just our table of 5 + baby and those 2 sat in this area.

We brought toys for our daughter and hoped that once it was around bedtime we could get her to sleep in the pram. She hardly cried, and she just occasionally made some loud noises (like 11 month olds do). We did not let her run or crawl around and she was always either in her high chair or in our arms or the pram. We spent a good portion of the night trying to get her to sleep (with great difficulty) and had to do a bit of pram rocking and breastfeeding and taking her out and putting her back etc and naturally at times she got a little fussy but she was generally really good and didn’t make much noise.

When trying to get her to sleep I rocked her in the pram and me and my husband were putting a great effort into keeping her calm and trying to get her to sleep. The entire time, the couple kept looking at me (the man turning around every few minutes) and the woman staring at me the whole time. They were quite obviously talking about us and the baby and were seemed really annoyed that my daughter was there. I didn’t say anything as I didn’t want to make an already awkward situation more awkward, especially as we were having a nice evening with our friends. At one point I overheard them complaining to the staff and it made me feel so uncomfortable and to be honest really upset. When they eventually left I did share with my table and they all said I should have said something, but it has left me feeling really sad and like I have done something wrong by bringing her out?

This is the first time in a long time we have gone out with her in the evening and to be honest it has really put me off taking her out again. I would have taken her for a walk in the pram rather than rocking it in the area but we were actually seated upstairs and had to carry the pram up and down the stairs.

AIBU for taking my daughter? I don’t think I would normally care but as it’s been such a long time since we have done anything with her in the evening it has really knocked my confidence.

I wouldn't mind, but did it stop the conversation flowing between you and your friends?

envbeckyc · 05/10/2026 18:53

Honestly….. we were all babies once!

Babies are part of life and it seems bonkers that anyone would have an issue with babies being in a restaurant that has high chairs!

In fact if a restaurant has high chairs and a kids menu it’s positively welcoming babies and children, which makes sense as families are good for business!

I took my Daughters to restaurants from birth onwards… including in the evening! The sooner they are used to being in a restaurant environment the easier it is when they are older to understand how to behave well in a restaurant!

If people want to have a child free evening then they could go to a wine bar, cocktail lounge or nightclub! They should at least avoid places that provide high chairs and kids menus.

I think it was a problem with the people in the table next to you… I personally wouldn’t give it a second thought or let it change your behaviour!

YANBU

Runnermumof2 · 05/10/2026 18:53

Wherever I go my babies go. I wouldn't have even though twice. I've had friends cut up my dinner for me while I breastfeed too. Take no notice. Good for you for getting out and about ! I really hate the thought that children should be hidden away.

babydungarees · 05/10/2026 18:54

Who knew people felt so strongly about babies in a restaurant! I’ve always taken mine out to eat with us, I still take my 3 & 6 year old regularly to restaurants. Babies / children are also people and don’t need to be hidden from the public or only brought out at other people’s idea of an appropriate time. I love seeing a baby in a restaurant, it doesn’t sound like she was screaming the place down and I’m sure you’d have left if she was. I’m glad you were able to see your friend, don’t be put off taking your baby out again. Very glad I’m away to Spain at half term, where children are encouraged to be children in restaurants.

Passaggressfedup · 05/10/2026 18:55

It sounds like, as your username states, you are fed up, and so perhaps you need to take the time to work on yourself, rather than plaster your negative opinions absolutely everywhere
Well, 63% agree that OP is unreasonable, so I don't think it's me with the problem but indeed, inconsiderate and selfish people who expect respect from strangers but are not prepared to give them any consideration in return.

Not sure about the absolutely everywhere part, I'm hardly a prolific poster 😁

Lordofmyflies · 05/10/2026 18:57

It's all very well comparing the OP's complaint to the attitude of that in Europe, but we're in England. On the continent, people have an extended lunch / sleep and hence dinner is often at 8 or 9pm. Plus meals are usually more affordable an less of a treat.
If OP was paying £18 for a main, I'm assuming it was about £10 for starter and further £10 for pud. Add in a bottle of wine per couple, £130+. I wouldn't want a baby fussing at 8/9pm on a Saturday in a restaurant of that cost.

BigButtons · 05/10/2026 18:57

Yeah I would be annoyed. Your tolerance to your baby’s noise is not the same as that of strangers.

Molly2023 · 05/10/2026 19:04

That's so sad. Babies and children are part of the family. Me and my husband were away at a 5star hotel over the weekend and saw lots of babies/toddlers. We left ours at home but was delighted to see no one batting an eyelid and lots of people entertaining them!

Namechangewegovyjune26 · 05/10/2026 19:06

Berlinlover · 04/10/2026 22:59

Any group that don’t have an IPad blaring is fine by me.

This haha

notacooldad · 05/10/2026 19:10

it doesn’t sound like she was screaming the place down and I’m sure you’d have left if she was.
Why are you sure?
Op is there with friends she hadnt seen for ages and presumably the food would be ordered. I doubt she would have left and if she did she would be in the minority!

SurferRona · 05/10/2026 19:12

I think it depends on the place. Pizza Express, so geared to casual dining and kids? Ok ish. Michelin starred or £70 a head? Categorically no. It sounds massively annoying though, I’d ask to be reseated faced with that tbh. And have done in a few restaurants. Others kids spoil naice meals out tbh. It’s so expensive to eat out these days, this could easily have spoiled their evening. Why didn’t the more distant friend of you two just stay home with baby instead? Mind boggles tbh.
edit typo. Also just nbed a pizza express ad on my page 🤣

Stelladid · 05/10/2026 19:16

Pedant61 · 04/10/2026 22:45

To be fair, OP, I think most of us who go out for dinner in the evening don't expect to see a baby in a restaurant. We want it to be an adult-only environment.

This 👆 I have been seated next to people like your gathering and I asked the Waiter to find us a table further away 🤷‍♀️

Booboobagins · 05/10/2026 19:17

Def not being unreasonable. Wtf is wrong with voting here?!

We took our kids everywhere. I was uncomfy leaving them with anyone!

Good on you and your friends for being so lovely about it, shame on the first world probs couple who selfishly thought that bokking a table for 2 in a restaurant bpught them the whole place!

Imonmyownhere · 05/10/2026 19:18

Tetchypants · 04/10/2026 22:50

I think I’d have put baby in the pram and go for a walk until she was asleep. It was probably the fussing of you picking her up, putting her down, rocking the pram etc that was a distraction, more so than any noise she was making.

When you’re out for a nice meal you shouldn’t notice what others are doing, but it sounds like your table were quite physically active.

I agree it could have been the fussing but I wouldn't deliberately make someone feel uncomfortable.

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