AIBU for taking my 11 month old to an evening meal?

[MarLiz2026]

Last night I went for dinner with my husband, 11 month old and a few friends. One of our friends lives abroad and doesn’t come back to our hometown often, and he invited us out with a couple other friends to catch up and enjoy a nice evening together.

The meal was booked for 7pm and for different reasons we didn’t have anybody who could look after our baby. It has been several months since we went out for dinner with our daughter, as now she is 11 months old she is much more routined and harder to keep entertained whilst out! But we didn’t want to miss seeing our friend and thought one night isn’t going to harm anybody, we still need to have a life too!

We were seated in a smaller seating area, with a high chair and plenty of room for a pram. The restaurant was quite small and quaint but they were absolutely lovely. Just after we sat down, a couple were sat down near us. It was just our table of 5 + baby and those 2 sat in this area.

We brought toys for our daughter and hoped that once it was around bedtime we could get her to sleep in the pram. She hardly cried, and she just occasionally made some loud noises (like 11 month olds do). We did not let her run or crawl around and she was always either in her high chair or in our arms or the pram. We spent a good portion of the night trying to get her to sleep (with great difficulty) and had to do a bit of pram rocking and breastfeeding and taking her out and putting her back etc and naturally at times she got a little fussy but she was generally really good and didn’t make much noise.

When trying to get her to sleep I rocked her in the pram and me and my husband were putting a great effort into keeping her calm and trying to get her to sleep. The entire time, the couple kept looking at me (the man turning around every few minutes) and the woman staring at me the whole time. They were quite obviously talking about us and the baby and were seemed really annoyed that my daughter was there. I didn’t say anything as I didn’t want to make an already awkward situation more awkward, especially as we were having a nice evening with our friends. At one point I overheard them complaining to the staff and it made me feel so uncomfortable and to be honest really upset. When they eventually left I did share with my table and they all said I should have said something, but it has left me feeling really sad and like I have done something wrong by bringing her out?

This is the first time in a long time we have gone out with her in the evening and to be honest it has really put me off taking her out again. I would have taken her for a walk in the pram rather than rocking it in the area but we were actually seated upstairs and had to carry the pram up and down the stairs.

AIBU for taking my daughter? I don’t think I would normally care but as it’s been such a long time since we have done anything with her in the evening it has really knocked my confidence.

People are entitled to a child free life, not a child free world. If they don't want to see or hear children they should go to spaces that do not welcome children.
As long as your child is within your control and you tried reasonable measures to settle them, stop worrying yourself over who squeezed their face or not, it's not your cup of tea, your cup is full already, face that one.
Please learn to be self absorbed when out with your kids, not in a bad way, but ignore people and their reactions, ofcourse be aware of your environment for safety reasons, but stop checking the faces and reactions of people, there will always be that 1 or more person that is displeased you dared came out with your child(ren) and that's not your cross to bear, you're not responsible for people's feelings. If they want a child free space so bad, they can stay in their homes or go to explicitly child free zones.

Sod what people think, take her, we always struggled to get a babysitter, we were all mall once

You don't have lazy parenting and kids screaming and running around in those countries! It's the parenting in this country that has gone wrong.

At this age if you’re taking a baby out in the evenings in the UK, you need to hold a baby in your arms take it in terms with your husband whatever if the baby cries you need to wrap a shot around you and the baby and step outside that’s what I used to do. It worked fine, but I did it quite regularly so my child got used to being out and about in the evenings, in Italy. Where I lived for awhile everyone took children out all the time and one evening while I was initially on my child who was three or four was a bit tired, not crying or anything the waitress at. Oh Bella Bella whisk her off to the kitchen where all the chefs were loving her and bouncing her around. I felt really uncomfortable and then I realised that this is totally normal in Italy. They just passed children around. Everyone takes care of them and the children don’t cry. Will make a fuss in the evening. They seem to know how to be.

I can empathise with all parties here, you weren't setting out to be disruptive; the restaurant was trying to accommodate everyone and the other couple were trying to enjoy their evening. I haven't read all the posts but I'm wondering about the couple. Maybe it was their first meal out after losing a child? Maybe she has been told that she can't conceive and was out with her partner deliberately late to avoid having to deal with the issue (it can really feel like a judgement on top of pain as a woman when you don't/can't have children). At the end of the day, we are all humans and need to live together, we are all people.

Apologies that was a voice text and I didn’t check it
No wrapping of shots
i meant shawl !!!😂

I dont want to be on a night out and seeing someone ssshhhing and rocking a fretfull child on an evening. Daytimes is different. Also your child's routine is now knackered You either get child care, dont go or one goes for a couple of hours then swap

I think it was fine, OP. You always get some people who are very sniffy about babies/children. I remember taking mine out for Sunday lunch years ago and someone having a go because I laughed at something a friend had said while trying to soothe my fretful baby. She basically said she was glad I found it funny my DD was disturbing everyone. She wasn’t even crying, just a little fretful. (Had she been crying, I’d have taken her outside.) I was so upset, I left. (I wouldn’t now!)

We are so weird in this country about taking kids out to eat. No wonder so many are growing up unable to hold conversations or eat properly
There are plenty of family friendly pubs.

Unable to hold conversation or eating properly has nothing to do with babies and children not going into expensive restaurants in the evening.

But after a certain time of night people expect places like that to be free of kids; what do you want people to do? Not many places are adult only, it requires parental decency to not behave like you are the only people in society! People who work all day can't go out in day time and day time is perfect for kids! Do the sensible thing!

YANBU. Restaurants can specify if they dont want kids after a certain time - otherwise, customers have to put up with it! I'm sure it was less disruptive than a 5 year old running around in any event.

From my experience though, I think you've probably missed the window where you can just get the baby to sleep through in a pram at bedtime - its a good phase while it lasts but I think after 9-10 months it's only some babies that aren't completely distracted by the environment! We've always said we would rather try Stuff and learn the hard way, rather than just never doing stuff!

I'm sorry the other couple were so rude to you - nasty people, don't give them any more thought!

Baby’s fine- but not when catching up with friends.

I thought this too. Odd.

This. Was just thinking how stroppy you sound.

You keep saying your baby was invited. Let’s be honest here, your 11 month old baby did not reply to the invite saying that they would like to join everyone for dinner. And s/he is not going to remember whether s/he was out with you all or not. You chose to bring yr 11 month old out to a restaurant for an evening meal.
I have children and I love them to bits despite the fact that they’re not always perfectly behaved. So I wouldn’t mind if there was a baby at the next table if I was out for lunch but going out in the evening is a different thing.
Personally, I would’ve organised a babysitter or I would have gone for a short while i.e.1 drink and a starter and as soon as the baby starts to get a bit grumpy, I would’ve left.

Agreed.

But OP won't like it.
🤔

I’m unsure about the reading level of some people on this thread. I don’t have a single GCSE and I was able to read and understand every word.

Why do people make up scenarios? Yes the couple may have just lost £8.7m on the stock market so you absolutely shouldn’t have taken your baby out! How are they meant to concentrate on the bankruptcy application with a baby that was obviously screaming loud enough that people in the rock concert next door were also disturbed?

IF you’d taken the baby without your friends knowing (you didn’t) then fair enough AH.

IF the baby was having a 2 hour tantrum and you ignored it, fair enough AH.

IF you’d asked the couple to hold the baby while you ate, fair enough AH.

But you didn’t, you had a night out with a baby and your friends, some people obviously don’t take their children out to nice places because they should apparently only order from a child’s menu.

I’ve taken my 3yo GD to lovely restaurants because I want her to learn how to behave in polite company. You can’t teach them how to behave in busy/lively/smart places if you don’t take them to those places. (I also like good food and really don’t enjoy the food in ‘family’ pubs/restaurants)

Don’t let it stop you from going out, it will help her to learn how to behave.

Having spent most of my life as a mother and now grandmother I find it very hard to ignore a baby, I instinctively check baby and mum are ok and want to help. In the UK this is not the norm and I would be very disappointed if we went out for dinner which is bloody expensive now a days and a real treat and there was a mum up and down juggling an 11 month old who needed to be in bed. However I'd think she probably realises what a huge mistake this is in the UK and regrets it and won't do it again.

Unfortunately we live in a country where children are not very welcome in public places, this wouldn't be remarked upon at all in many European countries where it's standard for babies & children to be up late and out with their families.

I wouldn’t give it a second thought, I’ve taken my kids out since they were new borns and they are well behaved and enjoy eating out. Equally, if I’m out with my husband or even a girls night if I see a baby or child I smile over and enjoy watching them. The time of night wouldn’t bother me either. My kids frequently go out for dinner at weekends later on at night

You are entitled to take your baby to a restaurant. Why are people even questioning you about it? If, like it’s been said, there was a no baby policy then that would be a different matter. Forget about it and enjoy that you have friends, a baby and a life!

God yr hard work. I can only imagine the pandemonium going on that yr obviously downplaying significantly. Sounds like you were up and down like a bride’s nightie. Would’ve seriously pissed me off if I was sat next to you.

I suspect your baby was noisier than you realised. You're used to it, but others aren't, and may have been irritated in an restaurant at night, with the reasonable expectation of quiet adult customers, to have to put up with someone else's noisy baby. Babies are noisy - it's a survival technique! It's sometimes hard to block out the noise of even a stranger's crying or fussing baby.

Take no notice.

I really sympathise with you feeling sad about the experience, however I don't think the other diners were unwarranted in being annoyed. I didn't take my children out to dinner in an evening until I could be confident that they were at an age that wouldn't be disruptive to others. Lunch is different as people expect to see babies in baby friendly restaurants in the day. Some evening diners won't mind at all, but some will because maybe its a special meal for them / they've forked out for a sitter to watch their kids do they can have a kid free evening / they can't afford to eat out much. Disruption of any kind whether it be a baby or a table full of drunk shouty people can ruin a meal. I don't think your totally unreasonable for taking the baby out, as you've got as much right to be there with a baby as anyone else if yhe restaurant permits it, but other diners are probably not going to love it so it's not reasonable to complain about them really.