AIBU for taking my 11 month old to an evening meal?

[MarLiz2026]

Last night I went for dinner with my husband, 11 month old and a few friends. One of our friends lives abroad and doesn’t come back to our hometown often, and he invited us out with a couple other friends to catch up and enjoy a nice evening together.

The meal was booked for 7pm and for different reasons we didn’t have anybody who could look after our baby. It has been several months since we went out for dinner with our daughter, as now she is 11 months old she is much more routined and harder to keep entertained whilst out! But we didn’t want to miss seeing our friend and thought one night isn’t going to harm anybody, we still need to have a life too!

We were seated in a smaller seating area, with a high chair and plenty of room for a pram. The restaurant was quite small and quaint but they were absolutely lovely. Just after we sat down, a couple were sat down near us. It was just our table of 5 + baby and those 2 sat in this area.

We brought toys for our daughter and hoped that once it was around bedtime we could get her to sleep in the pram. She hardly cried, and she just occasionally made some loud noises (like 11 month olds do). We did not let her run or crawl around and she was always either in her high chair or in our arms or the pram. We spent a good portion of the night trying to get her to sleep (with great difficulty) and had to do a bit of pram rocking and breastfeeding and taking her out and putting her back etc and naturally at times she got a little fussy but she was generally really good and didn’t make much noise.

When trying to get her to sleep I rocked her in the pram and me and my husband were putting a great effort into keeping her calm and trying to get her to sleep. The entire time, the couple kept looking at me (the man turning around every few minutes) and the woman staring at me the whole time. They were quite obviously talking about us and the baby and were seemed really annoyed that my daughter was there. I didn’t say anything as I didn’t want to make an already awkward situation more awkward, especially as we were having a nice evening with our friends. At one point I overheard them complaining to the staff and it made me feel so uncomfortable and to be honest really upset. When they eventually left I did share with my table and they all said I should have said something, but it has left me feeling really sad and like I have done something wrong by bringing her out?

This is the first time in a long time we have gone out with her in the evening and to be honest it has really put me off taking her out again. I would have taken her for a walk in the pram rather than rocking it in the area but we were actually seated upstairs and had to carry the pram up and down the stairs.

AIBU for taking my daughter? I don’t think I would normally care but as it’s been such a long time since we have done anything with her in the evening it has really knocked my confidence.

I'm a bit surprised with some of the responses here.

I'm child free and have 5 dogs, but I'd rather be sitting next to someone who was clearly trying their best to settle their baby than someone with a barking dog (especially if they either just smile indulgently at their dog, or say "no" in a little whispery voice which the dog completely ignores!)

Parents are still people, surely, so they're allowed a wee night out aren't they? They weren't at a lap dancing club for goodness sake, it was a family friendly restaurant! Also - and I'm fully aware that I'm no expert on the subject - I think babies are kind of like people, but smaller aren't they? So if the OP and her partner AND their friends AND the restaurant were all happy for the wee person to be there then it's all good, surely.

Did you not feed your babies food at 11 months?? Everyone else does. They sit for meals with us.

Im not paying a ‘sitter’ (stranger???) to look after my baby. Ideally family would have her but we haven’t got that option at the moment. I don’t know anybody who leaves their 11 month old with a stranger.

Why have you repeatedly made this ridiculous comment ?
I have paid several babysitters over the years (and been lucky enough to have some other - none related - people babysit for me without accepting money).
I have never left my baby with a stranger. What an odd thing to make up.
Why would you suggest a babysitter is a stranger ?

I think this must be a cultural thing. It is clearly just absolutely not done to bring a baby to a restaurant in the UK (or maybe whatever part most of the posters are from) and so it is perfectly ok to make the person who does bring the baby feel uncomfortable - or at the least make them realise they shouldn't have brought the baby.

Where I live no one would bat an eyelid. They would judge if the baby screamed but they'd judge if anyone screamed and it wasn't dealt with. If I were in a restaurant next to OP keeping the baby quiet I'd just have thought "god I'm glad those days are over for me".

Don't think this is about babies not being in restaurants, but more if it's a good idea to take an overtired 11m old out to dinner over after their bedtime where you have to attempt to get them to sleep in a restaurant.

In England!

would have asked the couple why they were staring me down. Absolute arseholes.
Would this have not made things much much worse. If someone asked me this in a restaurant I might just explain why I was irritated and it would not end well.
Why so aggressive

this country has a problem and needs to do more to incorporate children into public places and respect that children are human beings and not nuisances
But many children ARE a nuisance! It's parents responsibility to minimise the nuisance and when they really can't to apologise to people who are being disturbed.

Obviously, I don’t believe in this. I think everyone should be tolerant of each other and all try our best to make public spaces pleasant for everyone!
Which OP totally failed to do! Had she taken her baby out, she would have made the place pleasant and shown tolerance for the people next to her who didn't ask for their meal to be ruined.

Ultimately, the 'line' by which children in restaurant is welcomed and when it's deemed a nuisance is level of noise that interrupts conversation.

If I can have a conversation with my partner, without having to raise my voice, ask them to raise theirs, needing to ask them to repeat themselves, or given up on it because we can't be heard, then it's not acceptable.

It's not about babies specifically, adults after a few drinks can be much worse than babies. It's a out noise tolerance and distraction.

Recently, we were in a cosy village pub. One area with four tables, one of four, 2 if 2 and one of 8. The group of 8 were so loud, especially one woman cackling every few seconds, we genuinely couldn't have a conversation. All the tables started to look at eachother, all of us fed up.

In the end, I got up, and genuinely calmly and with a smile, just said that they were quite loud, I appreciated they were enjoying themselves but that it was very disruptive for everyone else else. The man next to the woman was apologetic and said that they needed to keep it down. The woman however gave me the dirtiest look and started to talk back aggressively but the man who I assumed was her companion told her to shush it.

Some people just think that it's their right to be disruptive and annoying for everyone else and then act all offended when asked to adjust. You can't change those people's attitude.

I have seven children, if I have paid for a baby sitter for mine, I’d be pissed off if I could hear someone else’s on the next table. Having said that I would probably book a high end restaurant to make sure that it doesn’t happen. The restaurant were happy for you to be there and so were your friends, so don’t think anymore about it.

we Hardly go out in an evening because we cannot afford to, this is the same for many couples wanting that 1 evening out a year. If we do sorry I don’t want to be disturbed by a crying baby past 7pm / parents having to rock to sleep. Crikey if they were running around I’d complain.

If I choose somewhere like McDonalds, Harvester or maybe even Prezzo etc then yes I expect to see babies around 5-7pm maybe even later. But proper restaurants (yes may have high chairs for lunch clients), but not evenings. When ours were young one of us stayed behind if no babysitters or we took it in turns to host.

I do appreciate you want to go out and socialise, I would say if you take children then choose a suitable reflective venue, Prezzo, Pizza Express etc and leave the others for a more peaceful adult evening.

Some people can only afford one meal out in a blue moon.

Personally I think it was unreasonable, especially as it sounds like a small room with just your group and then the other couple. They should have seated them elsewhere or moved you if you had mentioned it actually being easier to be downstairs to go for a walk if needed.

I would have picked a cheap chain type place which would have had other children. Not the best places for a meal out but the sort of place you fit in with when going out with little ones.

I can understand their disappointment to be going out for a nice dinner, only for it to be ruined by a baby. Lots of places do have rules over children for this reason. Perhaps this restaurant will now change their policy based on the complaint, or make it private hire and charge more if you do want to bring a child and use the upstairs.

What diff does a dog make

esp if your baby was on your lap /highchair or buggy

sounds hassle to go upstairs with a buggy tbh and sure if you had asked at time of booking you could have been downstairs

plus yes kids go out in evening and they had a highchair so accept kids tho maybe more daytime and not evening

but honestly in your position of not going out much and not seeing long term friends for ages - I would have booked a babysitter or asked a friend to come round etc

you said this isn’t possible - you have argued against anyone who says something you disagree with

so in answer of your original question -

the older couple prob wanted a nice quiet evening meal and was sat by you who sounds like spent the evening rocking /cuddling - possibly being annoying with your child

you asked and people have replied

They should go to Italy kids are out late and its considered normal. If you are happy and comfortable doing so then continue.

Things that have no relevance
but keep being raised over and over again on this thread -

Dogs

What people in other countries do.

I wouldn't take my babies out to nice restaurants as they can be unpredictable and I wouldn't want to ruin anyone's night.

I would take them to the family friendly ones with no problem but more pricier, nicer ones were a no go for me with babies.

Quite frankly I didn't want to hear other people's babies as I had gone for a break from babies and children when we went out somewhere much more fancier than a Brewers Fayre.

OP, you guys sound great and your baby is lucky to have you. My only problem with this as a fellow diner might have been wistfully gazing at your 11 month reminiscing about how special the time was when my now teen daughter was this size. Enjoy every moment. They grow up very quickly and you sound like you have an excellent approach, and your baby sounds like a marvellous dinner companion. You can't please all the people all the time and nor should you try.

I really think you can't win as a parent, OP. I had friends with no kids seriously side eyeing us like we were crazy when we went out for dinner with them on a day when DS (think he was 9 months or so) suddenly decided not to take his second nap for hours, cried a lot when we tried to walk him to sleep in the pram at his usual time and went out for dinner with them anyway. He kicked off when DH changed him when we got to the restaurant, and had been up for six hours+ when he'd normally sleep after 4. I was getting comments from my best friend in this (are you okay?) slow type of talking to crazy voice like he's not crying...why are you so tense?

(To be clear, he calmed down after I settled him quickly then ate dinner with us - way later than normal - and had a breastfeed, went in the sling and slept. I was just watching him thinking omg he's stayed up hours after he normally would, when's he going to explode...but also didn't want to let our friends down).

I told her afterwards I was worried we'd have to leave the restaurant when they'd travelled up to see us overnight (and were staying in a hotel in the city), it hadn't even occurred to her as something we might have to do. He eventually passed out on me in the sling and stopped doing that at a certain age as well.

And yeah, no way I'd pay a stranger to look after my baby, family only. In a lot of Europe it's totally normal to have kids out at way later at night.

To be fair, OP, I think most of us who go out for dinner in the evening don't expect to see a baby in a restaurant. We want it to be an adult-only environment.

In England!
Presumably we are talking about England ( and the Uk)

AIBU for taking my daughter? I don’t think I would normally care but as it’s been such a long time since we have done anything with her in the evening....

But for all you know this may also have been the other couples first meal out in a long time, for lots of reasons, and having a child there from 7pm onwards, with you and your husband trying to get your daughter to sleep, must have been irritating. If i were them, i would have asked to be moved.

Ignore them.

In southern Europe it’s totally normal to take your entire family out for late night dinner. It’s actually lovely to see. Some people just love to be annoyed for the sake of it.

Don't think this is about babies not being in restaurants, but more if it's a good idea to take an overtired 11m old out to dinner over after their bedtime where you have to attempt to get them to sleep in a restaurant

Where there's a raucous party of 12 and barking dogs.

Not everybody is into kids! Not everybody wants to pay for a meal out and put up with kids that are screaming and running around and it's becoming an anti social nuisance to the point even some establishments have banned kids because of them running in front of waiting staff carrying hot food! You pretending to be confused and not understanding the problem is weird!

I’d be annoyed by this but I am unreasonable and grumpy.
A restaurant that allows dogs and babies is somewhere I’d avoid like the plague.