AIBU for taking my 11 month old to an evening meal?

[MarLiz2026]

Last night I went for dinner with my husband, 11 month old and a few friends. One of our friends lives abroad and doesn’t come back to our hometown often, and he invited us out with a couple other friends to catch up and enjoy a nice evening together.

The meal was booked for 7pm and for different reasons we didn’t have anybody who could look after our baby. It has been several months since we went out for dinner with our daughter, as now she is 11 months old she is much more routined and harder to keep entertained whilst out! But we didn’t want to miss seeing our friend and thought one night isn’t going to harm anybody, we still need to have a life too!

We were seated in a smaller seating area, with a high chair and plenty of room for a pram. The restaurant was quite small and quaint but they were absolutely lovely. Just after we sat down, a couple were sat down near us. It was just our table of 5 + baby and those 2 sat in this area.

We brought toys for our daughter and hoped that once it was around bedtime we could get her to sleep in the pram. She hardly cried, and she just occasionally made some loud noises (like 11 month olds do). We did not let her run or crawl around and she was always either in her high chair or in our arms or the pram. We spent a good portion of the night trying to get her to sleep (with great difficulty) and had to do a bit of pram rocking and breastfeeding and taking her out and putting her back etc and naturally at times she got a little fussy but she was generally really good and didn’t make much noise.

When trying to get her to sleep I rocked her in the pram and me and my husband were putting a great effort into keeping her calm and trying to get her to sleep. The entire time, the couple kept looking at me (the man turning around every few minutes) and the woman staring at me the whole time. They were quite obviously talking about us and the baby and were seemed really annoyed that my daughter was there. I didn’t say anything as I didn’t want to make an already awkward situation more awkward, especially as we were having a nice evening with our friends. At one point I overheard them complaining to the staff and it made me feel so uncomfortable and to be honest really upset. When they eventually left I did share with my table and they all said I should have said something, but it has left me feeling really sad and like I have done something wrong by bringing her out?

This is the first time in a long time we have gone out with her in the evening and to be honest it has really put me off taking her out again. I would have taken her for a walk in the pram rather than rocking it in the area but we were actually seated upstairs and had to carry the pram up and down the stairs.

AIBU for taking my daughter? I don’t think I would normally care but as it’s been such a long time since we have done anything with her in the evening it has really knocked my confidence.

Omg this thread is peak Mumsnet. You were well within your rights to have your baby with you OP. It's a restaurant, not a coke fuelled nightclub.

I would have asked the couple why they were staring me down. Absolute arseholes.

She was answering a comment about them having paid for a babysitter and her baby ruining their baby free evening. Which is unlikely at that age.

If upstairs was the only place for a pram, this is not a baby friendly place

Obviously this. No child friendly family restaurants require you to carry prams up and down stairs. It's a hazard if nothing else.

I’m not the person you responded to, but ????. It’s a normal attitude. I’ve done my time with child raising so if I go to a restaurant, I don’t want to hear them. Don’t mind seeing them but no crying, whinging, fussing etc. We were polite enough to consider others and not take ours until they were considerably older and we were absolutely sure they could behave appropriately- not appropriately ‘as children’ but appropriately. Meanwhile we suffered at McD’s and similar while ‘training’ them how to behave when they got to an actual restaurant so as not to disturb others in any way. It’s common courtesy.

Also FYI I took my baby to lunch at the Ivy when he was only 3-4 weeks old (it was my birthday) but the minute he made a sound I would have been out of there. He didn’t 😇.

Seeing someone trying to calm a baby is actually more disruptive to me- everyone can see that the child is about to kick off and is holding their breath until they do! Don’t get me started on the number of weddings, assemblies, school plays, church services that I have held my breath or had to strain my ears to hear the vows/ reading/ lines over a child shouting/ talking/ crying. In this sort of environment it’s fine to take the child but the minute they start fussing the child just needs to be taken out immediately- anything else is just inconsiderate.

Yes I know – and to every comment suggesting the status of the couple who were bothered is 'they were 70/80'. That they may have had a babysitter, that they may be tired parents on a date, they may be having fertility issues, etc etc.

Begs the questions whether OP would have found herself anymore unreasonable if the couple had been younger. As a more elderly couple, they could be charged with daily childcare if their grandkids, they could be experiencing frightening health diagnosis/treatment, they could be grieving the loss of of a friend or parent ... etc etc etc. Does it matter? OP isn't getting the point.

The couple were about 70/80 so I doubt that!

It's highly likely they've spent all week looking after their grandkids nowadays.

It wasn’t a quiet place - in the room across from us was a party of around 12 and they were loud and singing happy birthday etc. It was a Saturday night. We could hear noise from downstairs, there were dogs, sometimes they barked!

In which case there wasn't much chance of getting your baby to sleep.
Curiouser and curiouser.

Lol good point made well..

Well it would be impossible for OP to go
for the continent restaurant so that’s not really relevant, whilst the restaurant had high chairs and left a space for the pushchair (presumably it was in a sixth space, as most tables seem to be equal amounts of seats), it may be that they’re used more during lunchtime or early evening sittings. As usually (and in this case) babies are in bed by 7/8?

The UK has an awful attitude in general towards children. It's not even "must be seen and not heard" and more "children should never be seen or heard absolutely anywhere at anytime".

It's so much nicer in Europe where it's very normal to see children out at restaurants in the evening and people take a healthy interest in children.

All of you moaning about seeing children out and about will also be moaning in 10/20/30/40 years when there's no workers available to provide your health and social care or pay for your state pensions because so few people are having kids now. You reap what you sow.

It's hard to answer your question because we don't really know what they were bothered about.

If it's about the noise and inconvenience of having a young child crying/fussing nearby, then 11 months is borderline in my experience.

Some babies will be perfectly fine (I know at least 2 kids who's bedtime is naturally past 10pm since they were infants), others - most- need their bed and routine and quiet, and so will be difficult.

You're not really objective as a parent about what is your own child "being good and not fussing much".

Tbh, I've "judged" parents in past when seeing young kids clearly unhappy, trying to sleep in a restaurant at bedtime. But we've made that mistake too as first time parents and have learned our lesson!

If they were annoyed simply because the child was there, then they can just stay home :)

Make things up? Do you not know what ‘assume’ means 🤣 if me offering a suggestion of the fact that perhaps they usually go to places unsuitable for children, and so are shocked to see OP out of an evening with a baby, has offended you so much perhaps the internet might not be for you? You do know this is a discussion board? Are your friends ever allowed to try and make sense of situations with assumptions or does that upset you too?

Well that’s a bit of a leap…. people not having children because they’re not welcome in the evening in restaurants?

Righto!

All this comparison to Europe is irrelevant – the thread isn't about whether children or babies should be out and about in restaurants. The threads isn't about whether Spain have the right culture in keeping kids up later so they can socialise into the evening with their families.

The thread is about whether it's a reasonable or unreasonable idea to attempt to get a fussy 11 month old to sleep in a restaurant when you know it's over their usual bedtime when you actually thought it was better to leave them at home because it was too late for her, and whether it's surprising when that scenario bothers the diners around you. People in Spain aren't trying to get their kids to sleep in restaurants.

But why on earth would you assume that? I
mean it’s a ridiculous assumption.

Parents arranging child care must drink in Wetherspoons?

Quite bizarre that someone disagrees with you and you come to that assumption.

I think you were potentially wrong. It all sounds quite annoying and if you didn't take your baby out when you would have but for the staircase, that is inconsiderate. It also depends where you went. A pub or a family kind of place, maybe ok. Somewhere adults go of an evening for a nice meal, not ok. If you were standing up near other tables with the baby in any kind of restaurant, that would be very annoying too. People are very entitled about taking their kids to things but there are places where adults should have the peace of an adult only environment. You mention your own personal needs a lot - your friend, both wanting to go, the stairs etc. I'm not sure you sound considerate of other people or that your needs don't need some weighing up with those of others. You or your husband could have stayed at home? Not what you want but the alternative is what you got. You wouldn't have been able to do this if your baby was a few months older and walking so you could have done it differently if you had been willing to not only have your own needs met...

No need for an 11 month old being in a restaurant in the evening - they obviously weren’t there to eat, which is what a restaurant is for.

If you were in Spain, then perfectly the norm. And in Spain there would be many other children and you would probably be outside. In the UK not so much at all. Some places cater for children and busy places so the noise gets lost is a good choice. A quiet place is not going to work. A quiet place is where couples might go for a very cosy quiet meal.

You say she hardly cried and didn’t make many loud noises.
Any child crying inside a restaurant in the evening is going to attract attention.

Generally you will have couples going out to eat or small groups. Unless a party celebrating and you have a long table ( which can get quite raucous often). 7pm is not peak time which would be 8pm. But it sounds as though only one other couple is a place not busy enough at that time to ignore your child’s noise.

Why you trudged upstairs I do not know. The restaurant preferred you to be. Very strange. I would have insisted on being downstairs. You are the customer. I would not expect many dogs in a restaurant in the evening either.

You need to choose the place you eat it a bit more. A pizza place would be fine. Noisy, buzzy. A quiet romantic restaurant. No.

No, but the parents and the rest of their party were there to eat and the restaurant were happy to accommodate the baby.

You have answered why you didn't take the baby out, but you were unreasonable not to do so.

When I'm spending £100+ on dinner, I really don't want a screaming child, fussing baby, parent getting up and down, barking dog, or loud shouting people next to me. I don't think it's unreasonable to want that. At the same time some restaurants are more relaxed and geared up for families and dogs and if this is the case, the persons next to you could have asked to be moved (which is what we would have done).

Adults only at night until your child is older. Lunch - perfectly acceptable.

At this price range plus the fact that they allow dogs it is hardly a ‘posh’ restaurant.
I don’t mind babies and children at all. I dislike dogs in restaurants.
I do think it was all the fussing that was making the couple upset though. It is not great when the people next to you don’t settle down.
It really does depend on the people round you. Attitudes vary a lot,

In your mind. Not everyone else’s. It is up to the restaurant who they take.

Unfortunately, we all have to share the world with other people... including babies and children. We don't have to be idiots about it.
Complaining to a waiter because someone is looking at you is about the most idiotic thing mentioned so far on this thread