AIBU for taking my 11 month old to an evening meal?

[MarLiz2026]

Last night I went for dinner with my husband, 11 month old and a few friends. One of our friends lives abroad and doesn’t come back to our hometown often, and he invited us out with a couple other friends to catch up and enjoy a nice evening together.

The meal was booked for 7pm and for different reasons we didn’t have anybody who could look after our baby. It has been several months since we went out for dinner with our daughter, as now she is 11 months old she is much more routined and harder to keep entertained whilst out! But we didn’t want to miss seeing our friend and thought one night isn’t going to harm anybody, we still need to have a life too!

We were seated in a smaller seating area, with a high chair and plenty of room for a pram. The restaurant was quite small and quaint but they were absolutely lovely. Just after we sat down, a couple were sat down near us. It was just our table of 5 + baby and those 2 sat in this area.

We brought toys for our daughter and hoped that once it was around bedtime we could get her to sleep in the pram. She hardly cried, and she just occasionally made some loud noises (like 11 month olds do). We did not let her run or crawl around and she was always either in her high chair or in our arms or the pram. We spent a good portion of the night trying to get her to sleep (with great difficulty) and had to do a bit of pram rocking and breastfeeding and taking her out and putting her back etc and naturally at times she got a little fussy but she was generally really good and didn’t make much noise.

When trying to get her to sleep I rocked her in the pram and me and my husband were putting a great effort into keeping her calm and trying to get her to sleep. The entire time, the couple kept looking at me (the man turning around every few minutes) and the woman staring at me the whole time. They were quite obviously talking about us and the baby and were seemed really annoyed that my daughter was there. I didn’t say anything as I didn’t want to make an already awkward situation more awkward, especially as we were having a nice evening with our friends. At one point I overheard them complaining to the staff and it made me feel so uncomfortable and to be honest really upset. When they eventually left I did share with my table and they all said I should have said something, but it has left me feeling really sad and like I have done something wrong by bringing her out?

This is the first time in a long time we have gone out with her in the evening and to be honest it has really put me off taking her out again. I would have taken her for a walk in the pram rather than rocking it in the area but we were actually seated upstairs and had to carry the pram up and down the stairs.

AIBU for taking my daughter? I don’t think I would normally care but as it’s been such a long time since we have done anything with her in the evening it has really knocked my confidence.

Sorry OP, although you tried really hard, I'd not expect to see a family trying to sooth a baby, breastfeeding, hearing a child make noises (baby volume and pitch carries well), rocking prams etc while eating an evening meal unless in a place like pizza hut.. A daytime one yes, not evening. It would probably annoy me too to be fair.

Honestly, if I were the couple, I probably would have asked to be moved away from you.

I think parents have a tendency to become desensitised to how noisy/fussy/disruptive their own children are.

It sounds like you were moving around a lot, up and down with the kid…you said yourself it was difficult to get them to settle. You should have taken them outside to minimise the impact on others.

I would find it irritating.

Would depend entirely on the restaurant. Chains like pizza express or Ask yes you’d expect that. A nicer restaurant no as most people would choose to go somewhere like that to get away from children

YADNBU, OP. I'm amazed that you got her to sleep so easily at that age though, I would have had no chance and avoided evening meals out with kids after 7pm until they were probably 4/5, and even they we'd be in early and out by 8pm.

I've definitely had someone looking over and watching for the slightest disturbance when we were out with small children though, or loudly tutting and grumbling when were even sat down near them. People who love a good moan!

I don't mind children or adults around me as long as they are well-behaved. Have to say I've experienced far more adults more than old enough to know better being an antisocial pain in the arse in public than ever experienced from children or young people.

Yes I suspect you were popped upstairs to keep you a bit out of the way in a quieter section, the dog excuse was just a polite way of explaining it (I have worked in hospitality! No one is going to say, we’re shoving you upstairs so you’re not in the way / out of the livelier section). Most pubs will inevitably have kids and dogs on the same floor.

Anyway. Fine to take your baby out, although I did find around that age was the time it became much trickier, before that my son would happily chill or sleep in pram while we ate. We would therefore eat earlier or much later, and get baby to sleep before sitting down for dinner.

The up and down, jiggling about was probably what they were getting a bit fed up with, not the fact you had a baby there.

Agree with other posters, would be totally different in Europe, we took our son out late in Italy every night as did everyone else - however restaurants are more geared up for it and no one is trying to jiggle a pram about to get baby to sleep, baby is probably being passed around aunties / uncles / grandpa’s laps and kept entertained, we seem to expect them to sit nicely so we can have adult conversation.

I don't know. I think you have convinced yourself that you caused no disruption for other diners, but the reality is that you did, because they complained.

Judging by your responses here, there is also the slight chance that you overestimated everyone else's tolerance levels and underestimated the impact you were having on everyone else's evening.

I adore babies and it wouldn't have bothered me one jot, but I don't think the couple who complained were in the wrong, particularly. I do understand that people might find it irritating. Someone fussing and faffing around during an entire meal would alter the ambience.

I would also have been terribly polite and considerate as a friend and upon learning that you couldn't get a babysitter, I would have been FINE about the baby coming along I mean, I don't think they had a choice!

Oh, and when I look back on the parent I was with DD1 at that age, I would have equally oblivious, and wouldn't have thought for a nano-second that anyone would be anything other than enraptured by my baby's presence 😳

You’re very snippy and your first post does not indicate “us” meaning the three of you, you say “we couldn’t get anyone to look after the baby”, indicating that would’ve been first choice, but decided to go with baby anyway.

Tired 11 month old in a restaurant around bedtime, hard work for everyone.

We don’t live in a country where this is the norm, so really shocked as to why you thought it was a good idea ?

I know this is not what you wanted to hear, as you’ve stated throughout your many posts, but it is the response from a lot of people,

To say you didn’t let her run or crawl round, is hardly a worthwhile comment, no one would think either of those things is a good idea when in a restaurant, particularly an upstairs section.

A lot depends on the type of restaurant and how much noise and commotion you were actually making.
Mostly a baby wouldn’t bother me. However if I got really dressed up and went to a fancy restaurant with my partner, I would prefer there not to be any children.
Was your child crying whilst you tried to get them to sleep? That would be disruptive in a quiet environment.
They could have asked to move, which is how I would have approached the situation if unhappy.

Which is why I much prefer restaurants on the continent where it's thought perfectly normal for children, even small children, to be in restaurants with their family in the evening. This restaurant was obviously used to having babies around - hence the high chair and pram space.

Bit of xenophobia there.

'British people' perhaps don't want evenings disturbed by fussy 11mth olds.

Baby sitters, one stays home or take it outside if it's bothering other paying customers are the options.

I remember first time eating out with DD1 as a newborn, had gone away for a short break with her, she was fast asleep in her carrycot and didn't stir the whole time we were in the restaurant. It was quite a family restaurant anyway and not posh.

A woman made an audible comment about "babies being carried around like shopping these days."

Fucking twat.

You are not very considerate towards people who go out in the evening for some childfree time, some of whom are paying a lot of money for a babysitter precisely because they want to have a meal without listening to baby noise.

No one is asking you to take care of the baby to be fair.
You pay a babysitter to be free from your own, it doesn't mean other babies must stop to exist

I want to have a meal without some boring Middle Englander on the next table wanging on about house prices or immigrants but unfortunately if you eat outside the home it's always a risk.

Your defensiveness is proved by the fact that you’ve posted 55 times on this thread 🤣

What an unpleasant and unjustified assumption. The original poster whilst upset didn't judge this couple at all, so why make things up? You know nothing about them—maybe they usually dine at the Ritz! They were just out for dinner and got stuck in a small, confined area with an unsettled baby. It is entirely normal to take a baby out in the evening, but it’s also completely understandable that the couple found a cramped situation uncomfortable. Judging anyone like that is just uncalled for.

Would you have cared if they were a younger couple? Shouldn't matter who or what age they are.

I’d probably be a bit annoyed if I was spending £50 a head for dinner, arranged a babysitter and chosen a later time to eat to be seated next to a baby. I just think most people would expect babies to be asleep at 8/9 pm..not in a restaurant

We spent a good portion of the night trying to get her to sleep (with great difficulty) and had to do a bit of pram rocking and breastfeeding and taking her out and putting her back etc and naturally at times she got a little fussy but she was generally really good and didn’t make much noise

I wouldn't have minded someone at another table having all this palaver, but for myself I didn't take mine out to restaurants when they needed this much attention. I don't see how you can have a nice evening catching up with friends when the main focus of the evening is going to have to be tending to the baby. I used to find it incredibly draining. Whilst I absolutely love babies I would hate to fork out a fortune for a nice companiable dinner and just spend it rocking and breastfeeding and dandling in between forkfuls. I would probably have tried to catch up with them another way while they were around.

Also if I was fleetingly visiting and set up a dinner with an old friend I would be slightly pissed off if they brought a baby to a 7pm dinner at a restaurant. Of course I wouldn't say so, I'd assure them that of course I didn't mind. But I would mind quite a bit.

This. Before 6.30 fair enough. 7pm onwards absolutely not

Keep going out, it's good for you.

I wouldve found it annoying I cant lie, but I wouldnt have made you feel shit about it. I would've left and gone elsewhere because thats what normal people do!

I have a relative who had a surprise baby much later in life. She keeps this baby out till all hours, the baby stays up until 2-3am every weekend as she gets ''FOMO''

She says its great because then they both sleep in the next day and shes got the baby on the perfect schedule.

I'm a strict bed time mum and my DD goes to bed at 7-8pm unless its a special occasion or we are travelling. Its something we don't see eye to eye on and my schedule annoys the family as they are night time people.

We go to many a restaurant/gathering/pub where her baby is there and is grizzly because they want to go to bed and shes walking up and down trying to sort baby out and I just think its so unnecessary.

Baby is only a baby for a short few years, yes you miss out but thats part of parenting.

Older people are also more likely to have hearing aids and loud baby noises are a high pitched noises. Maybe that's why the male diner turned around every so often

This is so true.

But they didn’t actually do or say anything to you OP yet you are frothing with anger at them. Your fussing around in a cramped environment would be far more annoying than 2 diners simply having dinner, yet you are angry at them. The irony.