AIBU for taking my 11 month old to an evening meal?

[MarLiz2026]

Last night I went for dinner with my husband, 11 month old and a few friends. One of our friends lives abroad and doesn’t come back to our hometown often, and he invited us out with a couple other friends to catch up and enjoy a nice evening together.

The meal was booked for 7pm and for different reasons we didn’t have anybody who could look after our baby. It has been several months since we went out for dinner with our daughter, as now she is 11 months old she is much more routined and harder to keep entertained whilst out! But we didn’t want to miss seeing our friend and thought one night isn’t going to harm anybody, we still need to have a life too!

We were seated in a smaller seating area, with a high chair and plenty of room for a pram. The restaurant was quite small and quaint but they were absolutely lovely. Just after we sat down, a couple were sat down near us. It was just our table of 5 + baby and those 2 sat in this area.

We brought toys for our daughter and hoped that once it was around bedtime we could get her to sleep in the pram. She hardly cried, and she just occasionally made some loud noises (like 11 month olds do). We did not let her run or crawl around and she was always either in her high chair or in our arms or the pram. We spent a good portion of the night trying to get her to sleep (with great difficulty) and had to do a bit of pram rocking and breastfeeding and taking her out and putting her back etc and naturally at times she got a little fussy but she was generally really good and didn’t make much noise.

When trying to get her to sleep I rocked her in the pram and me and my husband were putting a great effort into keeping her calm and trying to get her to sleep. The entire time, the couple kept looking at me (the man turning around every few minutes) and the woman staring at me the whole time. They were quite obviously talking about us and the baby and were seemed really annoyed that my daughter was there. I didn’t say anything as I didn’t want to make an already awkward situation more awkward, especially as we were having a nice evening with our friends. At one point I overheard them complaining to the staff and it made me feel so uncomfortable and to be honest really upset. When they eventually left I did share with my table and they all said I should have said something, but it has left me feeling really sad and like I have done something wrong by bringing her out?

This is the first time in a long time we have gone out with her in the evening and to be honest it has really put me off taking her out again. I would have taken her for a walk in the pram rather than rocking it in the area but we were actually seated upstairs and had to carry the pram up and down the stairs.

AIBU for taking my daughter? I don’t think I would normally care but as it’s been such a long time since we have done anything with her in the evening it has really knocked my confidence.

Totally acceptable in lots of cultures but not really in a typical British restaurant outside of high summertime, in my experience.
I'd find it really distracting and annoying, which it seems the other table did.
You either carry on like that and build a thicker skin for yourself or you enter the world of hiring a babysitter. (Or don't go out for a few years, which some people also do.)
ETA. If the other couple had hired a babysitter and were spending a small fortune on an evening out, only to find someone else's baby next to them.... 😬

You weren’t wrong to take your baby and do what you needed to do to keep her settled, and they weren’t wrong for finding it intrusive and annoying, it’s just the needs of the two parties were incompatible. They should have asked to move as soon as they realised they were going to be annoyed.

Baby was good, sometimes fussy but generally good
If it was fussy at times, then it wasn't good. I mean it might have been good for them, or for your standards, but not in a restaurant at 7pm.

We spent a good portion of the night trying to get her to sleep (with great difficulty) and had to do a bit of pram rocking and breastfeeding and taking her out and putting her back etc and naturally at times she got a little fussy but she was generally really good and didn’t make much noise
A good portion of the night trying to get her with great difficulty to go to sleep.....yeah, that sounds like a baby that was generally good.

You sounds totally oblivious to what disruption and annoyance means to others who don't have babies.

Wow it is so crazy how many people are so opinionated, sad & miserable in this world. Do not let it knock your confidence! I am not a confrontational person at all, but I would have said to the people, is everything ok, or something in a bid to get them to stop staring. If the restaurant provides highchairs then you are well within your rights to take your child there, if they had a problem, they could have asked to move tables or even left, but that is their problem, not yours. It sounds like you tried to be as respectful as possible, which is lovely to hear, as alot of people aren't these days. Life is hard enough raising young children, so carry on as you are and don't let people like that, or anyone on here that leaves a negative comment, add to your mental load!

If the other couple don't like it their problem

And if OP doesn't like the stares, her problem too, she could have asked to move.

Funny how OP was expecting the couple to bare the disturbance quietly without a fuss so not to disturb her....

'It's their problem' applies both ways.

Wouldn't have bothered me at all

You can change your vote by clicking on the other option.

Wow it is so crazy how many people are so opinionated, sad & miserable in this world
I'm nothing of this, just can't stand selfish people who think they are entitled to ruin other's time and then play victim to others disturbing them in return.

Once upon a time, as it's still is in most other countries, everyone took responsibility for not disturbing others right to enjoyment. It's in this country that parents think their enjoyment and that of their children should trump everyone's.

I've been there with children and I would have felt shame that my situation ruined someone's else meal. I would have apologised and taken my child out, or left early.

I now avoid any areas likely to have children, not because of the children, children are lovely, but because of their selfish and lazy parents who don't give a shit about the disturbance they cause.

Life is hard enough raising young children
No it isn't! Generations after generations managed it without needing extra sympathy.

Your friends weren't bothered, only a random couple who arrived after you, so the baby's presence was not exactly a surprise. They could have asked to be seated further away. You are highly unlikely to ever see them again, so stop giving them headspace.

Taking babies and children out for meals is a perfectly normal thing to do in many parts of the world. Only in the UK do we seem to have this weird thing that they should all be asleep by 7pm.

I believe you, I wasn't there but

The entire time, the couple kept looking at me (the man turning around every few minutes) and the woman staring at me the whole time.

but it sound like it was noisy enough that they noticed?

Or maybe they are one of these people who believe children should be locked up in their bedroom by 6pm without exception 😂, who knows.

I think babies are very portable, but the adult in charge is prepared not to sit for even 5mn if the baby is fussy, it's a risk.

To answer your question, yes you were being unreasonable. Sometimes as parents we have to turn down invitations to things. Dinner out at 7pm with an 11 month old for example.

At the end of the day you're never going to get a general consensus on whether this is right or wrong - it's one of those things that some people will be bothered by and some won't, so you need to factor that in when you decide to do it. Ask yourself if you're ok with potentially pissing off 50% of the other diners? If you are, then take some of your assertiveness from this thread and use it to not give af when people stare at you. If you're not, then don't do it. It's that simple really!

Couple were about 70/80

It was noisy and busy enough. It must have ruined everyone's meal. That they dressed up for, travelled for, may have paid for parking for, were probably looking forward to, and paid quite a lot for.

she just occasionally made some loud noises (like 11 month olds do).

Fun!

The restaurant was quite small and quaint

So, no escape. Meanwhile...

We spent a good portion of the night trying to get her to sleep (with great difficulty) and had to do a bit of pram rocking and breastfeeding and taking her out and putting her back etc and naturally at times she got a little fussy

Come on. No-one pays to go out and have that experience.

A "restaurant" that allows dogs & babies ?
Sounds like a fast-food or chain that the other couple should have avoided for a civilised meal.

You are just as entitled to go out for a meal at 7pm to see your friends, with your baby as they are. You are also a paying customer.

Take absolutely no notice of strangers you will never see again. If they were that bothered, they could have asked to move tables instead of shooting you the evils. It sounds like a them problem.

It can feel stressful at the time when you’re sleep deprived and feeling judged but honestly, dont give it another moment’s notice.

I hope you had a lovely time with your friends

A family member lives near Spain and they said there are always children around late into the evening, not unusual to see them out at 10.30pm at night. It’s normal there as it’s too hot to do much in the day.

It sounds like the rest of your table were all adults who didn't bring babies and didn't get a say in that. You say the baby was good but describe a lot of to-ing and fro-ing which would have been distracting which is presumably why 2 other customers complained. I'm sure you would like a night out, but why bring several other adults into it? Would it not be better to arrange a babysitter for a future night out with friends or just partner? Or go to a different restaurant where there's families, kids and babies all on the same table?

I expect the couple did not want to be seated with dogs so asked to sit upstairs to be met with a baby.

I agree with someone else who said it may have been the breastfeeding that annoyed them too. I’ve had this when I’ve been out.

1-2 years is a hard time to be eating out with infants. Gets much better from 2.5 up OP, so you’ll get there.

Nah, it sounds like a nightmare tbh, both for you and neighbouring table. When my kids were that little, and we were invited out, if we couldn’t get a sitter it was simple, we didn’t go. It’s just the drawback of having babies.

How dare they be that old and in a restaurant! A bit like having a baby in a small, quaint restaurant.

Honestly can people not read on here 😂 my friend invited US (the three of us!) out for a meal and booked a place. Our friends were very happy to see our baby and invited our baby. 2 of the friends who went are pregnant. Believe it or not people who love us also love our baby!

Explained elsewhere we did arrange for a babysitter (after our baby was invited but we were going to go without her) but it fell through.

Place was family friendly as explained! Advertised as family and dog friendly, provides high chairs, kids menu etc.

Also I don’t know where it has come from that me and my husband don’t go out - all I said was this is the first time in a long time we have brought her out.

Thanks though

Yes how dare they! I’m so upset they were sooooo old in a restaurant! Or I said they were 70/80 because the person I replied to suggested they had probably got their own babysitter? Read properly! ✌️

Still firmly in the camp of YABU as is the general consensus.