AIBU for taking my 11 month old to an evening meal?

[MarLiz2026]

Last night I went for dinner with my husband, 11 month old and a few friends. One of our friends lives abroad and doesn’t come back to our hometown often, and he invited us out with a couple other friends to catch up and enjoy a nice evening together.

The meal was booked for 7pm and for different reasons we didn’t have anybody who could look after our baby. It has been several months since we went out for dinner with our daughter, as now she is 11 months old she is much more routined and harder to keep entertained whilst out! But we didn’t want to miss seeing our friend and thought one night isn’t going to harm anybody, we still need to have a life too!

We were seated in a smaller seating area, with a high chair and plenty of room for a pram. The restaurant was quite small and quaint but they were absolutely lovely. Just after we sat down, a couple were sat down near us. It was just our table of 5 + baby and those 2 sat in this area.

We brought toys for our daughter and hoped that once it was around bedtime we could get her to sleep in the pram. She hardly cried, and she just occasionally made some loud noises (like 11 month olds do). We did not let her run or crawl around and she was always either in her high chair or in our arms or the pram. We spent a good portion of the night trying to get her to sleep (with great difficulty) and had to do a bit of pram rocking and breastfeeding and taking her out and putting her back etc and naturally at times she got a little fussy but she was generally really good and didn’t make much noise.

When trying to get her to sleep I rocked her in the pram and me and my husband were putting a great effort into keeping her calm and trying to get her to sleep. The entire time, the couple kept looking at me (the man turning around every few minutes) and the woman staring at me the whole time. They were quite obviously talking about us and the baby and were seemed really annoyed that my daughter was there. I didn’t say anything as I didn’t want to make an already awkward situation more awkward, especially as we were having a nice evening with our friends. At one point I overheard them complaining to the staff and it made me feel so uncomfortable and to be honest really upset. When they eventually left I did share with my table and they all said I should have said something, but it has left me feeling really sad and like I have done something wrong by bringing her out?

This is the first time in a long time we have gone out with her in the evening and to be honest it has really put me off taking her out again. I would have taken her for a walk in the pram rather than rocking it in the area but we were actually seated upstairs and had to carry the pram up and down the stairs.

AIBU for taking my daughter? I don’t think I would normally care but as it’s been such a long time since we have done anything with her in the evening it has really knocked my confidence.

Elderly or not they are entitled to a peaceful meal they may have spent half there lives with kids

I voted YABU until I realised that the restaurant allowed dogs. I would much rather see a baby than a dog at a restaurant, though I would hope a formal establishment would allow neither.

I think most people would feel uncomfortable if someone kept staring at them. I know I do
Making them feel uncomfortable was exactly the intention. They were hoping this would prompt OP to take action!

I wouldn’t take an 11 month old baby out for a 7pm meal no. Especially not to a small restaurant.

Lunch time fine, cafes, farm shops, Nandos, delis etc all good but 7pm is A) Too late for an 11 month old and B) Adults wouldn’t expect to head out to a restaurant and have the next table fussing over a baby and C) I would find it stressful and wouldn’t concentrate on the friends I had come to see.

I voted YANBU.
If a restaurant allows dogs, a baby is no more disruptive.
If anything, an animal, who sheds hairs (& I love dogs) would be more of an issue.
If I visited a restaurant at 7pm, I would think it is likely there would be families.
Later, maybe 9pm, I would think it’s a bit late for children/babies.
We had absolutely nobody to babysit (all either deceased or ill) and we generally took our kids out early evening.
There will always be people who are pissed off (often indulging unpredictable animals, who jump up at every sound, over children)
Just get on with your life, you can’t please everybody!

I would never have done this. There were several options to avoid it and you decided the best option was to have your whinging, tired baby in the middle of a restaurant.

Of course I understand that in many countries this is encouraged, but those babies are used to it. They go out all the time from tiny and have different schedules and probably are much more flexible in general. I have certainly seen loads of families with babies in buggies in Europe and it's lovely. But this particular baby is not used to this, has no experience of it, and sounds quite annoying for everyone else. So no, I don't think this was fair on anyone (including you!) and I think you should have split up so one of you could be home with the baby. My husband and I have 0 family around (immigrants) and never paid for babysitting so we just split up for social events. (I think that wasn't great for us as a couple and we should have tried harder to find a babysitter actually)

There was no reason you couldn't have met up at 5, or for lunch, or stayed home, or hosted for a takeaway, or taken the baby out when she got fussy, or any number of other options.

(If the hosts don't have kids yet they probably had no idea what it was going to be like. It could be considered rude to say 'no, don't bring your whiny toddler' so of course they were backed in a corner when you asked if it was okay to bring her. I am guessing they won't do that again!)

Which also allows dogs. Surely that would tip someone off that this was hardly a formal establishment.

Didn’t care about the dog - restaurant did. Next
And you could have said that it was fine, that you did need to be downstairs so you could take your baby out in the pram if they started fussing.

I'm not even sure I believe they said that. If staff are worried of a dog reaction to a toddler who is in a highchair, they shouldn't allow that dog in or to stay in the first place.

It's absolutely ok to be annoyed and irritated by young children. I also prefer eating out in places with no children when I don't have my own with me.

But unless the behaviour we're being subjected to is unreasonable (and bringing a young baby to a restaurant at 7pm doesn't fall into that category for me), we have to bottle our annoyance and be polite.

I absolutely hate it when people sit next to me on the bus or train. Can't stand it, I'd rather get up and stand. But I know it's perfectly reasonable for someone to sit down in an empty seat, so it's definitely a me problem.

The fact that they have dogs downstairs and kids upstairs would have put me off if I was them and looking for a relaxing ambience. Im a dog lover / owner but, restaurants.....evenings...dogs..kids..umm..no...not for me.

That said, I didn't take our kids to anything more than a greasy spoon until they were around 8 or 9, the fact they hadn't been 'taught to behave' in restaurants had no bearing. They had been taught at home to sit at a table, eat nicely and show manners.
I didn't eat in a restaurant until I was 17 in the early 80s! We didn't go to pubs either. The most was a cafe on holiday for sausage and chips! Im perfectly functional to go to a restaurant as an adult.

Yeah, it's intentional harassment. Strange that some people think harassment is reasonable when directed against parents and young children.

I don’t think taking the baby out was ideal but had it been settled then I wouldn’t have an issue. It sounds like you were up & down from your seats, rocking baby, trying to settle it down. You would have been fine had it been afternoon or maybe 5-6pm but I think once it’s evening then that would be annoying. You should have gone to a pub/bar with space to move around. It’s not the fault of the other diners that you haven’t been out much lately. I can’t see that it was especially relaxing for your friends either.

The other thing is if my baby had been fussing for that long, I’d feel the need to get them somewhere a bit more quiet and dark for their own good! A loud, bright noisy environment is torture if you can’t sleep. At 11 months the baby couldn’t make the decision to call it a night on their own so it’s really down to the parents to decide when to call it a day. Fine to give it a try but an overwhelmed, overtired 11 month old just needs taking home to their own bed at some point- for their own comfort as much as anyone else’s.

It's absolutely ok to be annoyed and irritated by young children
No it really really isn't ok to have to swallow your annoyance so that entitled people who don't give a shit about your disturbance can feel it's okay to be assholes.

I absolutely hate it when people sit next to me on the bus or train
But as you say, the other person is doing nothing wrong. A parent that takes a baby out in the evening that makes a fuss is doing something wrong. The two are absolutely not comparable.

But looking at someone in an empty room who is up and down settling a baby is quite natural. Surely the op must've been staring just as much if whenever she looked they were looking at her? When she wasn't watching they could have been looking elsewhere

Putting great efforts into keeping a child calm means we were keeping her calm and she was calm because we kept her calm? How’s that a contradiction. Next time I’ll write:

-Husband, baby & I were invited out for a meal by a friend we don’t see as he lives away
-Arranged for family to have her & fell through
-Place was child and dog friendly
-Baby was good, sometimes fussy but generally good
-Husband and I put effort into keeping her calm and succeeded
-Got stared at and complained about by an old couple who made me uncomfortable
-Am I in the wrong?

There we go, God forbid you write anything descriptive on this place ✌️

YABVU to describe babysitters as ‘strangers’ and suggest it is wrong to use them; many parents have no alternative. And a good babysitter - with childcare qualifications, first aid trained and references - is often preferable to random relative imho. Definitely better for baby than being kept up late and thrown out of routine.

Anyway, I know you’ll get snippy with me because that’s not what you asked about…

in my opinion you were unreasonable to take baby out for the evening - even if your friends begged you to bring her. And you are unreasonable to complain about the couple. The couple were entitled to enjoy their evening without the free (intrusive) performance. And if they chose to complain about it - boo hoo - not everyone loves your PFB. In their shoes, I’d have asked to move.

Having said all that <dons hard hat> I would not have been in a restaurant that allows dogs 🤮 so crack on taking baby to those - I’ll personally not be fussed.

Im a bit on the fence on this one. I think the restaurant were a bit to blame here. The dining space upstairs seemed small, so it probably wasn't a good mix placing an elderly couple next to a larger party with a baby that needed attention. I personally wouldn't mind a baby at the next table but if the highchair and pram encroached into my dining space and the pram needed rocking back and forward i would find it distracting if I was trying to have a quiet meal with my husband. The larger party would have been better in the downstairs area, I don't think the baby would have been in any danger of being bitten by somebody's dog!

I have small children and would never do this. The couple should just have asked to be moved, but you should have better manners than expecting others to put up with the fuss of a baby at that time of the evening. They probably had their own child that they got a babysitter for!

Yeah, it's intentional harassment. Strange that some people think harassment is reasonable when directed against parents and young children
It's nowhere as harassing as having a baby scream in your hear, with parents keep fussing in very close proximity to you. You can easily ignore the former, you are imposed the latter.

People don't give a shit about your precious baby and that you haven't been out for a while, or that you are precious about not leaving them with a babysitter. That's not their problem. People just want a meal when they aren't constantly disturbed.

I'm in two minds about this. And I am about to sound like a right hypocrite BUT -

On the one hand, I grew up in France where it is very normal to take children to restaurants. Mum tells me of times I was sat in a highchair from six months old for (long!) evening meals out. Me, my brother and my sister. As a result we knew how to behave in restaurants from a young age. I think itnis important to induct children into these things and I generally dont have issues with kids in restaurants:

On the other hand - are you sure she wasnt too much noise for the environment? The only reason I say that is because parents become accustomed to the racket kids make so they arent usually the best arbiters of whether the child was in fact noisy or not...

If the restaurant has highchairs they accept toddlers and babies. If the other couple don't like it their problem. Children are part of normal society after all. If parents couldn't take children to restaurants most restaurants would close due to lack of customers.
A top end restaurant would be a different story though. They are usually for adults only.

Fair play to you having a go, but if I was in your shoes I'd invite the friends to your house. We don't often take our now 3 yold out for meals as he can get bored and don't want to bother other people, if we do go out on holiday we have lunch out and evening meal at home. As we have the youngest child we tend to host now, our freinds and their kids get to see our son, our son can stay up a bit later and we aren't bothering anyone.

Some people are just miserable. I wouldn't give it a second thought.

We live in the Middle East (where my DH is from), children are included in life seamlessly and the UK is honestly shocking when I come back.

Personally I wouldn't have minded in the type of restaurant you describe, I would have minded if it was a fancy restaurant but I wouldn't have said anything unless there was constant screaming.

I wouldn't let it put you off taking baby out in the evening and just try not to let any one staring or commenting bother you.

The restaurant you went to may have had high chairs etc but it doesn't sound 'family friendly' in how it was set up.