AIBU for taking my 11 month old to an evening meal?

[MarLiz2026]

Last night I went for dinner with my husband, 11 month old and a few friends. One of our friends lives abroad and doesn’t come back to our hometown often, and he invited us out with a couple other friends to catch up and enjoy a nice evening together.

The meal was booked for 7pm and for different reasons we didn’t have anybody who could look after our baby. It has been several months since we went out for dinner with our daughter, as now she is 11 months old she is much more routined and harder to keep entertained whilst out! But we didn’t want to miss seeing our friend and thought one night isn’t going to harm anybody, we still need to have a life too!

We were seated in a smaller seating area, with a high chair and plenty of room for a pram. The restaurant was quite small and quaint but they were absolutely lovely. Just after we sat down, a couple were sat down near us. It was just our table of 5 + baby and those 2 sat in this area.

We brought toys for our daughter and hoped that once it was around bedtime we could get her to sleep in the pram. She hardly cried, and she just occasionally made some loud noises (like 11 month olds do). We did not let her run or crawl around and she was always either in her high chair or in our arms or the pram. We spent a good portion of the night trying to get her to sleep (with great difficulty) and had to do a bit of pram rocking and breastfeeding and taking her out and putting her back etc and naturally at times she got a little fussy but she was generally really good and didn’t make much noise.

When trying to get her to sleep I rocked her in the pram and me and my husband were putting a great effort into keeping her calm and trying to get her to sleep. The entire time, the couple kept looking at me (the man turning around every few minutes) and the woman staring at me the whole time. They were quite obviously talking about us and the baby and were seemed really annoyed that my daughter was there. I didn’t say anything as I didn’t want to make an already awkward situation more awkward, especially as we were having a nice evening with our friends. At one point I overheard them complaining to the staff and it made me feel so uncomfortable and to be honest really upset. When they eventually left I did share with my table and they all said I should have said something, but it has left me feeling really sad and like I have done something wrong by bringing her out?

This is the first time in a long time we have gone out with her in the evening and to be honest it has really put me off taking her out again. I would have taken her for a walk in the pram rather than rocking it in the area but we were actually seated upstairs and had to carry the pram up and down the stairs.

AIBU for taking my daughter? I don’t think I would normally care but as it’s been such a long time since we have done anything with her in the evening it has really knocked my confidence.

7pm is a bit late but in a child friendly Hungry Horse type venue it would’ve been fine. I’ve had two kids of my own and if it’s later on in an adult style restaurant, little kids are very irritating. Spoils the vibe- especially if you’re trying to enjoy some kid free time yourself! An older well behaved child (over 5/6) would’ve been okay I think.

Thanks, I've got quite a thick skin already, which is why I wouldn't put up with behaviour like this from people 😂. I certainly wouldn't let a couple of intrusive bullies spoil an evening out with friends.

But I'm further on than the OP into parenting and my children and I have been subject to some truly bonkers behaviour from entitled adults at times, which has decreased my tolerance for idiots. I think the highlight was twatty men using the kids playground for their workouts during Covid when gyms were shut or demanding complete silence in family neighbourhoods while they were wfh. Unfortunately, we all have to share the world with other people... including babies and children. We don't have to be idiots about it.

Definition of "not being noisy" for a parent differs from "not being noisy" to a couple who might have gone out hoping for a special meal.

If the baby was "not being noisy", then what was the need for the continual efforts to get her to sleep? If she was just lying quietly in her pram burbling softly there would have been no need for all the effort to keep her quiet.

The description of the efforts to keep her quiet makes it clear she was far from quiet and her noise and the efforts to quiet her did spoil another couple's meal.

As long as your friends who were actually on a table with you didn’t mind then YANBU!
That says it all in the selfish, self-centered mindset! As long as I and my friends are enjoying ourselves, who gives a damn if I'm ruining a stranger's evening!

These are usually the same people who will post moaning about neighbours having a party and waking up their kids, or complaining of cyclists who have a loud conversation in front of their windows at 8am ...

I'm entitled to be an ass and disrupt other but don't you dare do the same to me!

We eat out regularly with children and see a lot of kids out. A lot of restaurants/ pubs are no children after 9pm not 7pm so as long as before 9pm it’s not a problem. My 11 month old bedtime is 9 so he would be wide awake at this time and he regularly joins me for meals out with friends (who are all happy he’s there).

It doesn’t sound like a up market restaurant going by the fact they allow dogs we personally avoid places that allow dogs especially inside and would’ve of been more annoyed with that than a baby. We also avoid more upmarket places with the children but tbh the place sounds child friendly.

I’ve personally had more meals disrupted by adults/ group of adults than baby's crying. The adults are supposed to know how to behave in public. Never had a waitress apologise for a baby’s behaviour during a meal I have however had them apologise for other adults behaviour/ disruptions. 1 place refunded the meals of our table and multiple other tables because of a group of 7/8 men being so loud and it wasn't the cheapest place either. (I didn’t complain they came up and refunded as an apology).

One thing as a parent you’ve got to get used to is other people staring/ making comments because they think they know better than you or don’t want children around/ unless they are silent. I respect other diners my children ain’t allowed to get up from their seat, run around or be loud but they are allowed to talk and interact with people sat next

Fuck them. Miserable twats. It’s life, sometimes you get kids sometimes dogs sometimes a table you don’t like sometimes music not to your taste sometimes a server you find rude sometimes food you don’t like. Take no notice, they can carry on being miserable in the comfort of their own home.

At 7pm? I think that’s madness.

OP you did nothing wrong. Develop a thicker skin and ignore people whose opinions you cannot control.

I’ve got mixed feelings on this too. If the baby is restless I would have taken it out in my arms and gone for a walk around the block if I couldn’t get the pram downstairs. On the other hand, the couple next to you could have asked to move. Babes in arms are fine in restaurants on the whole unless they are crying the whole time, which happened to me once when I went out with my father for lunch. He had poor hearing so he could hardly hear anything I said and it did ruin the meal.

But I'm further on than the OP into parenting and my children and I have been subject to some truly bonkers behaviour from entitled adults at times, which has decreased my tolerance for idiots
Funny, I never had anyone complaining about my kids' behaviour....oh wait, I made sure to teach my kids to respect others.

You sound like one of those parents I described above. Entitled and belligerent.

Because OP said her baby wasn’t crying or screaming so just rocking them shouldn’t be affecting other tables. It sounds like it would have just been disruptive for the conversation at her own table. Obviously if the baby was crying and screaming then that’s a different situation but if not then the other table is being dramatic and should have been more focussed on their own food and company they were with 😅

"we still need to have a life too!"

That's a bit of a telling attitude, op
I'd be pissed off if I went for a nice evening meal and a baby was fussing next to me.
During the day much more acceptable as long as you really are reactive to baby's noise etc
Frankly no-one owes you a life at the expense of their own comfort- you chose to have a baby, you can still go out but read the room a little better- stick to daytime and even then be very aware of other diners
I have two of my own, now late teens and 20 and I would not have imposed them on evening diners

You asked if you were unreasonable to take your baby to an evening meal. The fact your babysitter fell through, doesn’t change the fact that it is unreasonable to take young children out later at night. The fact the couple are older does not mean they didn’t have a right to be annoyed by a baby. My point was, there are many reasons why another couple does not want to be disturbed by someone else’s baby, they were not unreasonable being annoyed. It sounds like you still enjoyed your night which hopefully made the uncomfortableness you experienced worth it. It doesn’t change the fact you were unreasonable to take the baby.

None of this would have happened if you'd insisted on staying downstairs but away from dogs. If people came with a dog, you could have asked the owners to keep the dog on the other side of the table.

Your posts are a clear indication that you never once cared that your baby could be a disturbance and that you therefore cared to minimise the possibility of this happening. The only thing that you cared about was that you were being judged and that bothered you.

YANBU.

Of course it’s fine to take babies and children to restaurants, as long as you’re considerate to other diners. I’ve always lived in places where families go out to eat in the evening.

They were elderly, doubt they had a babysitter ✌️

It doesn’t sound like a up market restaurant going by the fact they allow dogs we personally avoid places that allow dogs especially inside and would’ve of been more annoyed with that than a baby. We also avoid more upmarket places with the children but tbh the place sounds child friendly.

People who can't afford an upmarket restaurant aren't entitled to have an evening meal together without a crying baby and fussing parents disturbing their night out?

When did "child friendly" change from "we supply a high chair and we do children's size/price meals" turn into "your children can disturb other people's nights out"?

If the baby wasn't making any noise, the other diners wouldn't have noticed. Obviously it was.

Yes, it would really irritate me. Meals out are expensive, you are there for a night out to enjoy yourself, not to listen to someone trying to settle a baby for several hours. It used to annoy me when our children were young, I'd arrange a sitter, then go somewhere to find someone had brought their noisy child.

But I'm menopausal and intolerant now, so maybe I'm not the target audience for this thread!

I’m a parent and the time I had free was rare so I hated it when I went out and there was other peoples kids , easy fix though I started to book kid free places

I agree with others , your friends were just being polite , no one without there own kids want others there , not just that though your might doesn’t sound particularly enjoyable for you and I think your not realising how just distractive your own child was

I think most people would feel uncomfortable if someone kept staring at them. I know I do.

Because OP said her baby wasn’t crying or screaming so just rocking them shouldn’t be affecting other tables
Yeah right!

OP said 'She hardly cried, and she just occasionally made some loud noises'
That translates by she did cry and made loud noises, just not constantly.

It doesn't have to be constant to be disturbing and annoying!

me and my husband were putting a great effort into keeping her calm and trying to get her to sleep
Great efforts but baby was quiet and no bother....so many contradictions.

Didn’t care about the dog - restaurant did. Next ✌️

I would’ve of complained as well tbh not because I was bothered by their staring but because we shouldn’t allow people to get away with rude and entitled behaviour that you seem to think is okay. They ruined their own night being so obnoxious instead of getting on with there night and ignoring the table. But it seems to be a thing at the moment to hate on parents with young children so it’s okay for them to make other people uncomfortable.

when other people (in this case mainly adults) are disrupting my meal I don’t complain to waiting staff I tune them out and focus on my own meal not stare at them.

Some behaviour isn't worthy of respect. It's good for kids to learn to recognise unacceptable and abusive behaviour from adults.

I think there's a line between child friendly and ruining other diners evenings.

Babies are fine when they're asleep. When they're not, and making noise and having parents shush/rock them, it's distracting and honestly I think I'd have been a bit grumpy about it too had my table been near it.

And I'm a Mum/Nan. We just didn't inflict our kids tiredness onto others when that age, no matter how much we would have liked a night off cooking.