AIBU for taking my 11 month old to an evening meal?

[MarLiz2026]

Last night I went for dinner with my husband, 11 month old and a few friends. One of our friends lives abroad and doesn’t come back to our hometown often, and he invited us out with a couple other friends to catch up and enjoy a nice evening together.

The meal was booked for 7pm and for different reasons we didn’t have anybody who could look after our baby. It has been several months since we went out for dinner with our daughter, as now she is 11 months old she is much more routined and harder to keep entertained whilst out! But we didn’t want to miss seeing our friend and thought one night isn’t going to harm anybody, we still need to have a life too!

We were seated in a smaller seating area, with a high chair and plenty of room for a pram. The restaurant was quite small and quaint but they were absolutely lovely. Just after we sat down, a couple were sat down near us. It was just our table of 5 + baby and those 2 sat in this area.

We brought toys for our daughter and hoped that once it was around bedtime we could get her to sleep in the pram. She hardly cried, and she just occasionally made some loud noises (like 11 month olds do). We did not let her run or crawl around and she was always either in her high chair or in our arms or the pram. We spent a good portion of the night trying to get her to sleep (with great difficulty) and had to do a bit of pram rocking and breastfeeding and taking her out and putting her back etc and naturally at times she got a little fussy but she was generally really good and didn’t make much noise.

When trying to get her to sleep I rocked her in the pram and me and my husband were putting a great effort into keeping her calm and trying to get her to sleep. The entire time, the couple kept looking at me (the man turning around every few minutes) and the woman staring at me the whole time. They were quite obviously talking about us and the baby and were seemed really annoyed that my daughter was there. I didn’t say anything as I didn’t want to make an already awkward situation more awkward, especially as we were having a nice evening with our friends. At one point I overheard them complaining to the staff and it made me feel so uncomfortable and to be honest really upset. When they eventually left I did share with my table and they all said I should have said something, but it has left me feeling really sad and like I have done something wrong by bringing her out?

This is the first time in a long time we have gone out with her in the evening and to be honest it has really put me off taking her out again. I would have taken her for a walk in the pram rather than rocking it in the area but we were actually seated upstairs and had to carry the pram up and down the stairs.

AIBU for taking my daughter? I don’t think I would normally care but as it’s been such a long time since we have done anything with her in the evening it has really knocked my confidence.

Definitely were looking at me disapprovingly! I tried to smile a couple of times because at first I thought the same, maybe they are just looking at the baby. I was met with no smiles back just a disapproved face and then both of them staring at me most of the night, talking and then turning around to look at me etc!
And bit once did it cross your mind to sincerely apologise and tell them you'd take her outside but you can't because of the stairs. Nope, it's all about you and how the stares unnerved you. That was the whole point, them trying to give you a bit of the unpleasantness they were experiencing because of you!

If your child wasn't crying alot and being disruptive then you have nothing to feel bad about. When they have kids they will be more sympathetic they are just ignorant.

Don't see what the issue is here, you said your baby wasn't even being noisy and they could see you were trying to settle them

I wouldn't choose to go and eat out often because I don't like to change the bedtime routine but if it was an occasion then I would definitely take my baby

Completely unreasonable behaviour by this couple.

You don't get to stare rudely at someone all night and try to intimidate them just because they've brought a baby to a restaurant. It's harassment.

I would have stared right back and asked them if they had a problem. And then complained to the waiter about their harassing behaviour.

Adult only 😂

How’s this defensive 😂 I said “fair enough” then said I wasn’t jiggling my bum in their face as suggested?

Sounds like there was noise, which was acceptable to yourself and DH but others would have probably ‘heard’ it differently as you are both used to it as baseline noise at the moment.

She hardly cried, and she just occasionally made some loud noises (like 11 month olds do)……….. We spent a good portion of the night trying to get her to sleep (with great difficulty) and had to do a bit of pram rocking and breastfeeding and taking her out and putting her back etc and naturally at times she got a little fussy but she was generally really good and didn’t make much noise.

So, essentially there was noise, just noise you and DH are used to. And it seems, a lot of getting up, down and moving the pram around.

Personally, I wouldn’t have been impressed. I’ve had several kids, and until we were utterly certain they wouldn’t make noise inappropriately we didn’t take them out to dinner, and yes, that meant we didn’t go to dinner for several years. It meant having really shitty dinners at McD’s for a while as that’s the sort of place you take them to train them to sit and eat and behave before even contemplating a restaurant. I wouldn’t be impressed having to put up with kids noise when other parents haven’t bothered doing the right thing as it’s complete lack of consideration for others.

Fair! Thanks for just answering my question :)

Yes. Well said.

I wouldn’t expect to see babies in restaurants with a dinner start time of 7pm or beyond and I also wouldn’t want a meal disturbed by babies when out at that time. I am saying this as a mum and as someone who loves babies. Did you consider that the couple had paid for a babysitter for their child and were looking forward to adult time? Maybe this was heir first time out in ages and they were looking forward to a peaceful meal. When you book a meal beyond 7, you don’t generally expect to see young children. Whatever their reason for being annoyed, you have acknowledged that your baby was not silent (as you would expect) so when out later in the evening, I don’t think you can be surprised that another table were bothered by your baby’s presence. The fact you had no one to look after your baby and have not been out for ages is not really relevant. When you have children and don’t have a support network then the reality is one or both of you miss doing things. I am saying this as someone who had and has no support network for babysitting. Over the years, we have missed doing things as we didn’t have babysitters. Now we pay for babysitters but when they were really little, I didn’t want to leave them with paid babysitters so we just didn’t go to night things together. Personally, I wouldn’t have enjoyed the meal myself as I would have been stressed about keeping the baby quiet-it sounds like you had to work hard to keep the baby settled. Sorry to sound harsh but it is not forever that you can’t do things together but the reality of having children is you can’t always do things like you used to. People who have an army of family close by to babysit are very lucky, lots of people don’t have that. They weren’t unreasonable to be annoyed your baby was out late. Not so long ago, for licensing some places wouldn’t let you book tables with under 18s after a certain time-not sure if this is still the case. I can understand why you felt uncomfortable with them behaving like that but if you are going to take your baby out late at night, then you will have to develop a thicker skin. In other cultures, having babies out late is more accepted but less so here.

I'd have looked over but only because I'd have thought it was a lovely thing to do. Toddlers running around and screaming then no but an 11 month old in her cot well why not?

How’s this defensive 😂 I said “fair enough” then said I wasn’t jiggling my bum in their face as suggested?

Can I ask. Did your friends call you up and say "please will you, DH come out to dinner and make sure you bring the baby", or was it a case of you had no babysitter so they said bring the baby along.
If the former then you have no problem, if the latter they might just have been hoping to see you and realised it was baby or nothing.

You see if the 2nd couple were also friends of yours that's fine, but if they did not know you well, they might have been irritated.
They may also have been looking forward to a nice adult quiet night. But instead had a rocking pram, the "girls " out at the table and the highchair etc. Kinda puts a damper on things.

All fine.
If my child started actively crying I would have taken pram downstairs and walked in the street but your LO was just normal and fussy. Well done and I hope the meal was lovely.
Go out often, again and again and train LO to love eating out with settled behaviour.

You yourself said in an ideal world you would have taken her for a walk in the pram if not for the inconvenience of taking the pram up and down stairs. But you were ok to inconvenience this couple with a pram moving back and forth near their table.
Taking baby out to dinner ok - not taking a baby fussing during an evening meal out of the restaurant not ok. I know you are used to baby noises but people tend to go out to diner for a relaxing meal and a noisy baby would have been distracting from this.

I have responded to people who have made stuff up or not read the question. If you actually look the ones I have replied are people saying my friends should be annoyed, I should be wary because the couple could’ve just had a miscarriage(?), the restaurant isn’t child friendly - all things that aren’t true :)

Gosh you sound a handful. Complain to the waiter about other diners intimidating you. You will need a much thicker skin in life .

So long as not screaming and being ignored, watching an iPad on top volume, or throwing food/toys at me, I love babies and kids in restaurants.

Mine have come out with us since just a few days old (appropriate venues for their ages). They have generally been quiet, well behaved, and non-disruptive. I put a lot of effort into entertaining them quietly! If on occasion one was unsettled, I would take her out for a walk. The only people who complained wanted an "adult only dining experience". They were told that booking a 6.30 table at a family pub with a play area was unlikely to please them - loved that waitress!

My friend invited the 3 of us (me husband and baby) to dinner with our other 2 friends (who are pregnant). We said we’ll come but not sure about the baby. Husbands mum was going to have her for a few hours whilst we went out. She became unwell. Nobody else could have her. We asked if it was still ok to bring baby which our friends said yes and they were happy as they wanted to see her.

Your friends sound lovely to have included your baby in the invitation :) I would definitely focus on that rather than the couple complaining -whom of which you may never see again.

Looking at someone else and staring is now a problem is it. What world do you inhabit?

You don't get to stare rudely at someone all night and try to intimidate them just because they've brought a baby to a restaurant. It's harassment
Do you really think these people were staring rudely just because OP had her baby there?

No they were staring because they were at the end of their tethers with the selfish disturbance that meant they couldn't enjoy their meal. The stares could be avoided, the grizzling and fussy baby couldn't!

People with children don't get the entitlement to disturb others without any come back. Sadly, that's exactly what many entitled parents think. Total self centred attitude that personally really annoys me.

Heading out at what would have been our ds’s bedtime would have been a complete no-no.

It might just be one night for you, but it could be the only night out that couple have had for months, and it sounds as if you bring up and down trying to settle your dc with her fussing at times affected their evening.

You or your DH should have stayed home with your dc, especially at that time of day when it is more usual for out of routine children to be fussy.

As long as your friends who were actually on a table with you didn’t mind then YANBU!

When I’ve actually been out for a rare meal out (I also have childcare issues) I couldn’t tell you what the people on the next tables are doing most of the time because I’m too busy chatting and engaged in conversation! Sounds like the couple weren’t getting on too well if they were too invested in what you were doing!

We have family, we had arranged for her to be watched by my mother in law but she was then unwell. My dad couldn’t do it. Baby was invited before we arranged for her to be watched by someone else so then when this fell through we asked if happy to bring her still. The other couple were about 70/80 so I don’t think they had a babysitter!

fair enough to the rest