AIBU for taking my 11 month old to an evening meal?

[MarLiz2026]

Last night I went for dinner with my husband, 11 month old and a few friends. One of our friends lives abroad and doesn’t come back to our hometown often, and he invited us out with a couple other friends to catch up and enjoy a nice evening together.

The meal was booked for 7pm and for different reasons we didn’t have anybody who could look after our baby. It has been several months since we went out for dinner with our daughter, as now she is 11 months old she is much more routined and harder to keep entertained whilst out! But we didn’t want to miss seeing our friend and thought one night isn’t going to harm anybody, we still need to have a life too!

We were seated in a smaller seating area, with a high chair and plenty of room for a pram. The restaurant was quite small and quaint but they were absolutely lovely. Just after we sat down, a couple were sat down near us. It was just our table of 5 + baby and those 2 sat in this area.

We brought toys for our daughter and hoped that once it was around bedtime we could get her to sleep in the pram. She hardly cried, and she just occasionally made some loud noises (like 11 month olds do). We did not let her run or crawl around and she was always either in her high chair or in our arms or the pram. We spent a good portion of the night trying to get her to sleep (with great difficulty) and had to do a bit of pram rocking and breastfeeding and taking her out and putting her back etc and naturally at times she got a little fussy but she was generally really good and didn’t make much noise.

When trying to get her to sleep I rocked her in the pram and me and my husband were putting a great effort into keeping her calm and trying to get her to sleep. The entire time, the couple kept looking at me (the man turning around every few minutes) and the woman staring at me the whole time. They were quite obviously talking about us and the baby and were seemed really annoyed that my daughter was there. I didn’t say anything as I didn’t want to make an already awkward situation more awkward, especially as we were having a nice evening with our friends. At one point I overheard them complaining to the staff and it made me feel so uncomfortable and to be honest really upset. When they eventually left I did share with my table and they all said I should have said something, but it has left me feeling really sad and like I have done something wrong by bringing her out?

This is the first time in a long time we have gone out with her in the evening and to be honest it has really put me off taking her out again. I would have taken her for a walk in the pram rather than rocking it in the area but we were actually seated upstairs and had to carry the pram up and down the stairs.

AIBU for taking my daughter? I don’t think I would normally care but as it’s been such a long time since we have done anything with her in the evening it has really knocked my confidence.

Parents would’ve been first choice - couldn’t that night have explained why in thread. Thanks though fair enough

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with taking the baby, I would have done the same, but sounds like a lot of fuss and faff and I wouldn’t be trying to get a resisting baby to sleep in that scenario - you’ve already decided to not worry about your routine at that point by taking them out

It wasn't a nice restaurant, people! They allow dogs as well!

I don’t think you are being unreasonable. It’s like people kicking off if you take a baby in a business class flight (I’ve had the moment where you sit down and think oh sh*t when you see a baby next to you). But it’s a public place, the restaurant clearly didn’t mind and it doesn’t sound like the baby was non stop screaming or crying. In other cultures this is more accepted. Some people won’t like it but you have as much right to be there as they do

I’d actually be annoyed with you not the baby. Bonkers to take baby out and be determined to keep the routine, you sacrifice bedtime when you make the decision to take them out. If they sleep- great, but if they don’t because the environment is too stimulating then don’t stress.

Id find all the hoo-haa off shushing and rocking a baby fighting sleep irritating.

I often find it isn’t the children that are irritating, it’s the parents- the parents then blame others for being intolerant of children, when actually it’s the parents causing the most impact

😂😂😂😂 I have responded to people who have made stuff up or not properly read what I wrote. I have left plenty of comments alone that have just said I was being unreasonable and wouldn’t expect kids in a restaurant at 7pm.

That's fine, you get to be unhappy silently.

I don't like sitting next to people who breathe loudly on the bus, but I don't make a visible fuss about it.

I’m not. I think it’s a generation of women who were basically expected to sacrifice their social lives at the altar of motherhood who don’t want the next generation to have nice things, either. They do want us to pay for their social care though, naturally.

“only put us upstairs as they allow dogs downstairs so didn’t want there to be a baby with dogs.”

And the other couple probably didn’t want to be sat with dogs - I certainly wouldn’t in a restaurant - but nor would I expect a baby or young child if it was dinner in the evening. At lunchtime, fine - you expect it and DC are up and about - but keeping fractious children awake to have dinner after their bed-time is no fun for anyone.

I'm likely the same generation as the OP. I take my children to restaurants often. I also know when it's time to call it and take my child outside for a bit because I'm visibly disrupting someone else's meal. Yes, even if I have to carry them.

Tbh I wouldnt expect a baby to be out for dinner in the UK after 7pm. My babies were in bed by that time so a meal out would've been no fun at all with a tired, restless toddler.

I understand in other cultures this would be very normal though. Maybe the couple booked later to avoid families and exactly this scenario. I would have asked to be moved if your baby's noise was bothering me.

If I had been the couple I'd have eaten elsewhere . I don't want to sit near dogs or children.

Personally I have zero issues with children in restaurants as long as the parents take care of their child and don’t them them run riot , disrupting the staff from doing their job or other customers enjoying their evening, but sure it this interfered with the flow of conversation with your friends and kind of spoilt the get together. How ever you try and play it , you changed an adults evening to a family event and not everybody is happy although they would have said , no it’s ok, no problem.

untrue. My baby was specifically invited by my friend as he hasn’t seen her for a long time. DH mum was going to babysit and then couldn’t due to being unwell. We tried to see if my dad (only other babysitting option) could have her and he couldn’t. We took her. She was invited. Don’t make things up :)

Nothing to do with my friends. My baby was invited. All happy for her to attend. Issue is another table. Read properly

Yeah, I think the essential thing here is that quite a few people would take their child to a restaurant. What we would also do though is take the child out once it became clear that they (or we) are annoying other diners, yes even if that’s a bit inconvenient.

For example, one person holds baby, the other takes pram down the stairs. Then the baby is taken down to the pram and someone walks baby around the block for about half an hour, and brings back to the restaurant once asleep. If there is a table downstairs people could move downstairs at that point, maybe for pudding/ coffee, or if not the parents swap and the one who had been walking the baby goes upstairs, the other one comes down to sit with baby.

If baby’s still not asleep then someone has to go home.

That’s what my partner and I did when they were little.

I meant 7pm too ooops. I’m not out anywhere at 7am!

It's fine. Some people think that choosing not to have kids or choosing to go out without their kids means there shouldn't be children where they want to go. Your baby is allowed in a restaurant.

Of course she took a while to go to sleep

She's ina. Loud busy environment with faces sounds and smells she doesn't recognise

I'd be a bit miffed too if the only time I get for a date night with my husband someone's screaming baby was there ruining it

There were plenty of options for you to have seen your friend and not subjected your baby to that and others to your baby
You could have stayed home and only one of you attend the meal
Had an earlier meal when baby wasn't going to be so fractious
Gone for lunch or a walk around a national trust place to entertain baby
Had the meal at your house so baby was in their routine

I think there should be rules about what time small babies and children have to leave an establishment for adults to actually be able to enjoy themselves without listening to cries or high pitch squarks

I think if you eat out at 7pm you wouldn’t expect a baby there, 5pm you expect families, but 7pm you’d expect more adults only. And from your post it sounds like your baby wasn’t quiet or well behaved. This would annoy me if I was enjoying a quiet meal as a couple.

i don't really understand what you wanted the couple to do differently.

From your post you clearly feel they found the baby noise/fuss/parenting irritating. So they complained about it.

They are allowed to find it annoying and raise it with the restaurant.

The looking at you is neither here nor there, you getting annoyed about this is worse than them getting annoyed about a noisy baby.

I do think this is quite a non issue

In most countries nobody would bat an eyelid. People in the UK are really weird about when/where children should be seen. The couple were rude.

I once went out for dinner at like 5pm with my family and my baby, and there was a couple shooting evil glares at us and discussing whether to move to another table. My baby wasn’t making a sound; they were just miserable people.

What I don't get is your defensive, victimised attitude.

Ultimately, you very much disturbed this couple. They paid for a nice meal, who knows maybe THEY paid for a babysitter, and yet they couldn't enjoy the meal because of your choice and behaviour.

In your shoes, I would have been so apologetic, and I bet if you had, they most likely would have cooler about your situation.

What is so unnerving is your entitled attitude. You disturb people, they express their frustration, yet you think they should have kept shush and how dare them express their annoyance.

Sometimes we can avoid disturbing others, but in this instance, you show some humility and apologise, not act like you're the poor victim of people daring to let you know how they feel.

That's a you problem. And of course it's fine for you to deal with your problem by choosing to eat elsewhere. But this group made it the OP's problem by complaining and making snide comments.