To be fed up with my manager bringing his DS to the office?

[EvergreenDays]

I work in a small office and am deputy manager. My manager is also the owner of the company, and we share an office. I’ve worked there for about 4 years and genuinely like my job. He’s always been decent to me and I don’t want to fall out with him or make things awkward.

The issue is his 15yo son who has started coming into work with him more or less every day.

His son has ADHD and has apparently had a really difficult time with his mental health and behaviour and school. There have been hospital visits and from what my manager has said it’s been a pretty awful time for them. I don’t know all the details and wouldn’t expect to, but I do feel for them.

Apparently they’ve backed off the school pressure a bit and he’s actually doing better mentally now. He managed a few days back in September but has refused to go since. His mum works too and my manager says he can’t really leave him at home all day, he says if he stays home he’ll just sleep and play games all day and that isn’t good for him either.

At first he only came in occasionally but it’s become more and more frequent and now it’s pretty much daily. He brings his Switch and phone and sits playing on them. There are a few little jobs he can do but he’s already done most of them. He’ll sometimes make drinks if asked but that’s about it really. He’s also very restless and can be quite loud, arguing with his dad or complaining about something. He seems to drink nothing but Fanta, which isn’t really my business and there may be reasons for it, but he does seem permanently hyper.

The thing is when my manager is there he tends to just ignore him or tell him to be quiet. But when he’s in meetings or on calls or has to go elsewhere I’m left with him. I’ve had to tell him not to touch things, not to go through paperwork and to stop interrupting me when I’m trying to deal with work. I’m his dad’s deputy, not his babysitter, and I don’t really know what authority I’m supposed to have over him anyway.

I know teenagers can be difficult and I have no experience of having one. I’ve got a 3yo and a 20 month old so completely different stages. I also appreciate his son has additional needs and that my manager is probably under a lot of pressure. I don’t want to sound like I’m having a go at a struggling child or a parent who’s trying his best.

But I am finding it increasingly irritating having him here all day, particularly when I’m expected to keep an eye on him as well as do my own job. I feel like because I’m the deputy it’s just been assumed I’ll manage.

The problem is I actually really like my job and don’t want to leave. It’s a small company and there isn’t really anyone above him I can go to. I also don’t want to be seen as difficult or unkind, especially when he’s the ultimately the person who employs me.

How on earth do you conclude the Dad isn't very bright from that post. He owns the business so must be doing pretty well in life.

This^^

To answer some questions - manager hasn't asked me to watch him but when he leaves him it feels like it's just expected but even if it isn’t it is distracting when he’s touching things like paperwork etc. It is a small office space but there is a meeting room but obviously when it’s in use i can’t work there, also the main floor but if everyone’s in that isn’t possible

I haven’t said anything yet which is why I posted here for advice. He did have little jobs but there’s none to give him, he does make drinks for people on the main floor if asked by his dad but apart from that he’s pretty much always in the office.

WFH isn’t really an option atleast not daily, it’s usually used for one offs like if someone has a cold but is well enough to work but doesn’t want to spread it for example

I say manager hasn’t asked to watch him but one day last week he had left the office and hadn’t said where he was going and i didn’t think to ask then manager came back not long after and was asking me where he was so I don’t know if it is actually expected, he was fine and had just gone to the toilet but I didn’t think it was my job to ask where he was going?

There’s not much you can do about him being there, but you could raise it with your manager that you are finding it distracting and would be great if you can have a quiet space for a few hours a day or work from home in the mornings or something like that, based on what you have said though that you don’t want to leave, I wouldn’t make it a problem for your manager. Maybe suggest some tasks that the kid can take on quietly. Is there anything that needs organising, post that needs doing, I would come with solutions rather than just the problem. Sounds like there isn’t much option to not have the kid there in the day, so either wait it out or come with some ideas to your manager as he clearly has run out of ideas and probably energy to think about it.

So ignore him. If he wants to do something silly and damage or get in trouble, let him. Not your problem. You’ve made it your problem. Completely ignore the situation

That would drive me crazy too! If you get on well with your boss then I think you just need to have a word with him. Be honest. Tell him you’re not comfortable being ‘in charge’ of his son and that he disturbs you and touches paperwork. Just communicate!

Id pick through annual leave for the main floor so you can desk hop, ask to wfh at least 1 day per week so you can "concentrate"

That would elevate at least 2/3 days per week so you are not in the office space with this lad

that means you don't directly say

your lad is an annoying distraction, I don't want to feel like Im babysitting him

but it takes you out of the inclosed space with this lad.

Then it means the father either has to face up to leaving the lad in the office space alone - what's the difference from at home? and that the lad is somehow annoying you

you then figure out what to say when asked directly about this - in the event you are asked by his father

Suggest to his parent that the school could supply course work for his favourite subjects and parent should insist that he spends half his hours there being studious so that he can slot in back at school more easily.

Also suggest that the office moves its furniture a bit to allow less disruption and more space for teen to set up a jigsaw and exercise mat.

Find regular errands for him to do.

Pay teen to supermarket shop for office workers, walk your dog, make barista coffee on new office machine, take an uber and mow your lawn.

These are positive helpful suggestions but teen might not be suitable and you certainly should not have to put up with disruptions.

I think you have to have an awkward but necessary conversation with your boss. I’d keep it brief and make it clear what is happening. Don’t use words like sorry or try to minimise the annoyance. Give it a week. If there is no change then start to work from home.

Thanks for the update. So it sounds like you can spend time in the meeting room at least when not used. Also as others have suggested desk hop when anyone is out for the day - with a reasonably sized team there is almost always someone away. That should really help. It also signals to your boss that when he is absent, no one is watching his child. I’d be open with boss and explain, with politeness and no sense of blame, that his son distracts you and impacts your productivity so you are doing what you can to make the situation easier. This combined with ignoring the child when forced to be in the office with him - headphones was a good idea - should mean you can get through this.

I say manager hasn’t asked to watch him but one day last week he had left the office and hadn’t said where he was going and i didn’t think to ask then manager came back not long after and was asking me where he was so I don’t know if it is actually expected, he was fine and had just gone to the toilet but I didn’t think it was my job to ask where he was going?

I think very much shows that he thinks you are responsible for him when he’s not there.

If anything he should be on the main floor so he can ‘assist’ more people.

can you get some noise cancelling headphones for yourself op?

So meanwhile OP has to deal with him interrupting her work day? What if the distraction causes a major issue and costs the company? Will OP get the blame?
I wiuld be speaking to the manager and telling him that she is not a childminder and alternative arrangements need to be set up so she can do her job without constant intereuptions

I'm being naive I know, but surely if he's not in school he should still be doing schoolwork? If he won't do any work when he's left at home, and just stays in bed or games, what benefit is he getting from going into the office and just sitting around all day and being disruptive?

Does his dad not ask school to send work his son can do? Otherwise if he does go back into school surely he's going to be so behind that it's not going to mean diddly squat to him?

What's the end game here?

This would be my suggestion too. Headphones on and ignore the kid. If the dad ask why you suddenly need Headphones on tell him you are distracted by the kid

I’m not saying it’s good practice but if you own a business, you can take your 15yo to work. I don’t think op can do much to argue as, understandably, the owner will be prioritising his son.

Can you wear headphones and ignore him? Probably easier said than done but i'd hate this.

Her manager owns the business and it’s his son so how do you think that conversation will play out?

I think it's fair to point out that childcare is not in your job description and that the lads' parents should be managing him.

Tricky situation!
I would raise the situation with your manager, in a very compassionate way. Acknowledge that his DS has issues but what is the longer term plan regarding his presence in the office. However, they are not your problem and you should not be having to deal with this frequently.
If his DS is basically gaming much as he would do at home, why is he in the work place? Or something else is set up for him to do - that benefits the business!
Try to come up with solutions for the boss - could he start work later, so he has time with his son in the morning and then doesn't bring him in, or at least he's there for a shorter time - the boss WFH sometimes.
I would request either a separate space for you or the son to be in or that you are able to WFH.
You have to make the boss understand that this situation needs a resolution.
Have risk assessments, safeguarding assessments been carried out with an additional person on site who is under 16.
How long before someone else also wants to bring their child in?

And OP is absolutely correct to wonder about the impact on him of drinking Fanta all day. There is masses of information out there about how harmful these drinks are. And UPF generally!! Please also don't get me started on sugar!! My DS is seriously allergic to sugar - his behaviour is off the wall if he has it!! No doubt, do are many children!!

Observation does not equal causation though. People with ADHD are impulsive and have altered reward processing so are probably more likely to turn to sweet fizzy drinks. Not surprisingly, ADHD is a risk factor for obesity and diabetes.

So the pisstaker is making his son his employee's responsibility, hoping she'll be too afraid to speak up?
Great stuff!

I work in attendance at a secondary school we would not send work home in this situation. SLT feel it just encourages people to stay home.

Ridiculous, you need to call his school and report his truanting to the welfare officer.

He’t not truanting. Read the OP.