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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be fed up with my manager bringing his DS to the office?

151 replies

EvergreenDays · 04/10/2026 21:02

I work in a small office and am deputy manager. My manager is also the owner of the company, and we share an office. I’ve worked there for about 4 years and genuinely like my job. He’s always been decent to me and I don’t want to fall out with him or make things awkward.

The issue is his 15yo son who has started coming into work with him more or less every day.

His son has ADHD and has apparently had a really difficult time with his mental health and behaviour and school. There have been hospital visits and from what my manager has said it’s been a pretty awful time for them. I don’t know all the details and wouldn’t expect to, but I do feel for them.

Apparently they’ve backed off the school pressure a bit and he’s actually doing better mentally now. He managed a few days back in September but has refused to go since. His mum works too and my manager says he can’t really leave him at home all day, he says if he stays home he’ll just sleep and play games all day and that isn’t good for him either.

At first he only came in occasionally but it’s become more and more frequent and now it’s pretty much daily. He brings his Switch and phone and sits playing on them. There are a few little jobs he can do but he’s already done most of them. He’ll sometimes make drinks if asked but that’s about it really. He’s also very restless and can be quite loud, arguing with his dad or complaining about something. He seems to drink nothing but Fanta, which isn’t really my business and there may be reasons for it, but he does seem permanently hyper.

The thing is when my manager is there he tends to just ignore him or tell him to be quiet. But when he’s in meetings or on calls or has to go elsewhere I’m left with him. I’ve had to tell him not to touch things, not to go through paperwork and to stop interrupting me when I’m trying to deal with work. I’m his dad’s deputy, not his babysitter, and I don’t really know what authority I’m supposed to have over him anyway.

I know teenagers can be difficult and I have no experience of having one. I’ve got a 3yo and a 20 month old so completely different stages. I also appreciate his son has additional needs and that my manager is probably under a lot of pressure. I don’t want to sound like I’m having a go at a struggling child or a parent who’s trying his best.

But I am finding it increasingly irritating having him here all day, particularly when I’m expected to keep an eye on him as well as do my own job. I feel like because I’m the deputy it’s just been assumed I’ll manage.

The problem is I actually really like my job and don’t want to leave. It’s a small company and there isn’t really anyone above him I can go to. I also don’t want to be seen as difficult or unkind, especially when he’s the ultimately the person who employs me.

OP posts:
Beautifulsunflowers · 05/10/2026 07:09

Could you work from home a couple of days a week to get a break from the situation?
it’s never easy to ‘just leave’ I understand that. I would say that it won’t be forever….hes not going to still be there when he’s 17 for example - I would hope!

Jewelanemone · 05/10/2026 07:10

HoraceCope · 05/10/2026 07:08

can you buy him a word search book or a book even

Why the hell should she buy him anything? He isn't her responsibility to entertain!

HoraceCope · 05/10/2026 07:11

Jewelanemone · 05/10/2026 07:10

Why the hell should she buy him anything? He isn't her responsibility to entertain!

it would be kind

or a pack of playing cards

AlphaApple · 05/10/2026 07:12

Soontobe60 · 05/10/2026 07:08

It’s not the OPs responsibility to look after someone else’s child though!

Of course it isn’t. But realistically, she works for the owner of the company. Taking a strictly employee rights approach is not the answer. No, that’s not the way things should be, but it’s the reality of the situation.

nomas · 05/10/2026 07:15

AlphaApple · 05/10/2026 06:51

Honestly, just wait it out. You like your job so anything else will work against you.

if you have a good enough relationship with your boss you could tell them you are struggling and ask for strategies (e.g. working from home or from the boss’s office when they’re not there?) so you are not distracted.

But you need buckets of compassion. I know that he will seem like a big grown up kid as you have small ones, but 15 year old boys are still children, and need to be treated as such. He doesn’t want to be there either!

“”Honestly”, if OP were a man, you wouldn’t expect her to have ‘buckets of compassion’ and babysit at work.

Check your sexism.

nomas · 05/10/2026 07:16

HoraceCope · 05/10/2026 07:11

it would be kind

or a pack of playing cards

It would be kinder for OP to be allowed to do her job without expectations of babysitting.

Flamingbanana214 · 05/10/2026 07:17

If I were the dad I'd be removing the switch and phone and finding every boring job possible to fill his day. Of course he's going to prefer gaming all day to school, so I'd be making school look like the more attractive option.

FoldItIn · 05/10/2026 07:20

JFC the comments and suggestions on here. Unbelievable what is expected from OP because she is a woman.
I would have a honest chat with your boss @EvergreenDays and ask if there is another room you can work from on the days his son is in? It certainly isn't your job to babysit him or provide him with materials to distract him, setting him up with activities like you are a Nursery Nurse.
Just stress to your boss how difficult it is to get any work done.
If your boss is an arsehole about it, start looking for something else. So fucking rude of him to just dump him on you.

HoraceCope · 05/10/2026 07:24

if the op were a man, they could still bring in a book , nothing sexist about that comment.

Offherrockingchair · 05/10/2026 07:24

As a PP said, major safeguarding issue here. He’s a minor and you’re being left alone with him. Is there any CCTV? He could make all manner of accusations against you and you’d be stuffed. Every time boss shows up with his DS and expects you to babysit, I’d up and move and say I’m working from home/the other room/office as he distracts you. It might take a few times of being strong to do this for it to hit home, but it needs to be done to make a point.

AlphaApple · 05/10/2026 07:28

nomas · 05/10/2026 07:15

“”Honestly”, if OP were a man, you wouldn’t expect her to have ‘buckets of compassion’ and babysit at work.

Check your sexism.

OP has not said if they are a man or a woman afaik. So my advice would be the same.

However, I expect a manager would not pull this shit with a male colleague so, if OP is a woman, sexism is very much in play here.

SethAndReubenTooSendGaloshes · 05/10/2026 07:29

HoraceCope · 05/10/2026 07:08

can you buy him a word search book or a book even

A word search book??

Ethelspagetti · 05/10/2026 07:30

I think the only way is to keep him busy. Ask him to clean the office, make tea, type up a fictitious letter to a client (but give him a template to use) he will spend ages typing it all up etc! Or you can tell your boss that he is lovely but really distracting to have around so could he delegate some jobs to him to keep him busy around the place?

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 05/10/2026 07:40

Wtf is up with all these "make his a list of little jobs" advice??? 😵‍💫

What your manager is doing is ridiculous and unsustainable... its his child which is terrying for him probably and it sounds like he is on a knife edge and very overloaded.

Ultimately, that's his business/ problem though, not yours, I'd just leverage this to your advantage and disentangle yourself from it...

so book a meeting and be highly empathetic. tell him that you absolutely understand why he is doing what he is doing, you want to keep accommodating him butttt its impacting your work so can you work together to "find a solve".

i be asking to switch to "a more flexible working pattern"

Any combo of below

  • WFH a day or 2 pw
  • Working of the main floor some days / parts of days
  • Continuing to Work in the office when appropriate
  • Getting your own office.

I'd also be checking his calendar and be booking out meeting rooms more proactively so when he is gone you are gone.

I would want a lockable pedestal and id remove personal things from my desk.

Rightsraptor · 05/10/2026 07:47

I'd try to find a good business case to put to your boss. I'm assuming from what you've written, OP, that your productivity is suffering? Is it difficult to make/receive phone calls in the son's presence? Whatever else you can think of: make your boss think his bottom line will suffer.

Jewelanemone · 05/10/2026 07:48

HoraceCope · 05/10/2026 07:11

it would be kind

or a pack of playing cards

Ah yes. The old 'be kind' that only seems to apply to women.

And what teenage boy wants to do word search?

HoraceCope · 05/10/2026 07:54

Jewelanemone · 05/10/2026 07:48

Ah yes. The old 'be kind' that only seems to apply to women.

And what teenage boy wants to do word search?

why do you assume woman?
that is your prejudice

AgeingMillennial · 05/10/2026 08:00

useyournoodle · 04/10/2026 21:40

His son will always come first. As he gets older, he’ll probably start to work there permanently. So there’s absolutely zero point in mentioning your issue. Your only option is to leave if it bothers you that much.

Er, no, this isn’t the 1950s, nepotism doesn’t trump employment law.

YANBU. I would just have a quiet word and say nice as it is to see his son is doing better, it’s distracting and you want to do the best job possible. He’ll take the hint hopefully.

Shessweetbutapsycho · 05/10/2026 08:01

You come across like a really understanding person in your post, have you tried gently expressing some of this to your boss? I’m not sure what other options are available to him regarding his son, but perhaps some adjustments could be made for you? Such as a separate work space, or remote working?

FairLemonNewt · 05/10/2026 08:02

EvergreenDays · 04/10/2026 22:00

I understand that, it’s more of the fact that I’m essentially babysitting him which i’m getting fed up with. I was never asked and if he sat still and quietly like most teens probably would that’d be one thing but he isn’t

Every time he interacts with you just say 'I've got to work, please go and find your dad' then turn away.

MyDpsanarse · 05/10/2026 08:06

Difficult position Op, you don't want to offend your boss but it's no part of your job to take care of his DS. I'd tell him you're not able to do your job properly with his DS there and let him come up with a solution.

useyournoodle · 05/10/2026 08:10

AgeingMillennial · 05/10/2026 08:00

Er, no, this isn’t the 1950s, nepotism doesn’t trump employment law.

YANBU. I would just have a quiet word and say nice as it is to see his son is doing better, it’s distracting and you want to do the best job possible. He’ll take the hint hopefully.

If it’s a family business she has no chance of changing anything.

ThreadGuardDog · 05/10/2026 08:12

TeenLifeMum · 04/10/2026 21:49

The benefit of owning your own business, he can bring his ds in as much as he likes and, like any parent, he’s putting ds first.

And not considering how that affects his employees. OP isn’t a babysitter.

SilverTotoro · 05/10/2026 08:12

I would definitely bring this up but I’d just focus on it being hard to concentrate and impacting you being able to do your job when you’re left to supervise his son. I’d also make sure to be really positive about his son generally ie. What a nice lad he is etc and make it clear this is just about finding a solution that allows you to be able to do your work not more broadly about him being in the office.

ThreadGuardDog · 05/10/2026 08:15

HoraceCope · 05/10/2026 07:54

why do you assume woman?
that is your prejudice

Well the default here is woman isn’t it ? There’s an expectation that OP will look after him.