To be fed up with my manager bringing his DS to the office?

[EvergreenDays]

I work in a small office and am deputy manager. My manager is also the owner of the company, and we share an office. I’ve worked there for about 4 years and genuinely like my job. He’s always been decent to me and I don’t want to fall out with him or make things awkward.

The issue is his 15yo son who has started coming into work with him more or less every day.

His son has ADHD and has apparently had a really difficult time with his mental health and behaviour and school. There have been hospital visits and from what my manager has said it’s been a pretty awful time for them. I don’t know all the details and wouldn’t expect to, but I do feel for them.

Apparently they’ve backed off the school pressure a bit and he’s actually doing better mentally now. He managed a few days back in September but has refused to go since. His mum works too and my manager says he can’t really leave him at home all day, he says if he stays home he’ll just sleep and play games all day and that isn’t good for him either.

At first he only came in occasionally but it’s become more and more frequent and now it’s pretty much daily. He brings his Switch and phone and sits playing on them. There are a few little jobs he can do but he’s already done most of them. He’ll sometimes make drinks if asked but that’s about it really. He’s also very restless and can be quite loud, arguing with his dad or complaining about something. He seems to drink nothing but Fanta, which isn’t really my business and there may be reasons for it, but he does seem permanently hyper.

The thing is when my manager is there he tends to just ignore him or tell him to be quiet. But when he’s in meetings or on calls or has to go elsewhere I’m left with him. I’ve had to tell him not to touch things, not to go through paperwork and to stop interrupting me when I’m trying to deal with work. I’m his dad’s deputy, not his babysitter, and I don’t really know what authority I’m supposed to have over him anyway.

I know teenagers can be difficult and I have no experience of having one. I’ve got a 3yo and a 20 month old so completely different stages. I also appreciate his son has additional needs and that my manager is probably under a lot of pressure. I don’t want to sound like I’m having a go at a struggling child or a parent who’s trying his best.

But I am finding it increasingly irritating having him here all day, particularly when I’m expected to keep an eye on him as well as do my own job. I feel like because I’m the deputy it’s just been assumed I’ll manage.

The problem is I actually really like my job and don’t want to leave. It’s a small company and there isn’t really anyone above him I can go to. I also don’t want to be seen as difficult or unkind, especially when he’s the ultimately the person who employs me.

Finally!!

Why don’t you have a word with your boss and explain the situation? It probably hasn’t registered that you have to actually supervise his 15 year old when he is not there. Are you able to ask to work from home stating it is more efficient use of your time if he has to have his son present?

Would a kind, caring suggestion that your boss needn't feel the need to come in every day, and on the days he needs to bring Junior into the office, he could work from home instead and you'll hold the fort at work, work?

Also at the risk of sounding paranoid I would not love being alone for a long time with an already troubled teen. I would fear some sort of false allegation.

Find him a job to do, what admin is there he can take over? 15 is old enough to be given tasks, even cleaning or something. This will be good for him, your relationship with your boss, he will be focused. You might even enjoy watching him grow and contribute positively. Before you know it you will need these skills to help your own children. Go for it and good luck!

Again, it's the dad's job to find him jobs to do - OP said he's already done the jobs he was given. There are far fewer basic office jobs for a junior to do these days!

Or speak with the owner's son first

Your view of people with adhd is disgusting.
And pretty embarrassing for you, many successful people with ADHD in strong careers.

You don't sound very bright either.
I think maybe the school knows the child is not there, and have already contacted home about it. you'd be surprised how often schools break law by neglecting SEN childrens' rights to education.

And tell him what? "Can you dial down your ADHD a bit?".
Jesus wept.

Have you spoken to your boss about your struggles? Surely other than speak to him, or quit there aren’t many other options? Say you are struggling to keep up with work while watching his son and ask what he suggests. The son will keep coming to work and you don’t want to leave so make it the bosses problem again

you have to raise it with your manager, you can do it sensitively, but him being there when his dad is busy is interrupting your work. How many other people work with you? Could you raise it as a group concern? It might not change anything but he need to know it is disruptive and beyond your job description

Honestly, just wait it out. You like your job so anything else will work against you.

if you have a good enough relationship with your boss you could tell them you are struggling and ask for strategies (e.g. working from home or from the boss’s office when they’re not there?) so you are not distracted.

But you need buckets of compassion. I know that he will seem like a big grown up kid as you have small ones, but 15 year old boys are still children, and need to be treated as such. He doesn’t want to be there either!

Raise this with your boss. Ask how long it is likely to go on for, explain how distracting his son's behaviour is and you don't feel comfortable being responsible for him when he is left alone with you. I'm sure it will get sorted.

I would speak to the boss, as PP have said. My angle would be that you understand why he needs to support his son but it’s impacting your ability to work and is there an alternative office space you could work in so you have space and his son and he have space as needed.

no need for any negativity, just a professional “this is what I need to do my job effectively” conversation.

I actually think it’s mad he thinks this is ok but in the same way I feel for him. The question is could the manager not wfh but I don’t know how that gets brought up!

Agree with others about having a chat with your boss. Perhaps you could go in gently and tell him you’re having trouble focusing just recently so WFH or in another space would be really helpful. He’s either going to ask you what’s going on, or will come to his own conclusions, and he’ll have the opportunity to address this one way or the other. He probably knows it’s not working out, deep down.

Raise it with your boss and tell him you need to figure it out different working provisions when his son is there.

It’s his company, he can do what he likes unfortunately, within the limits of employment law.

I’d speak to your boss and point out that having a child in the office is affecting your ability to do your job. I’d also point out that from a safeguarding position it’s unfair of him to put you in a position of supervising a child. I’d be telling him that he cannot leave his DC alone with you any more. I would follow that up with an email to create a paper trail should he decide to let you go because you won’t babysit his son!

Stupid idea. School will be aware and a great way for the OP to alienate herself with the owner of the company.

I’m sympathetic to the dad tbh this must be a really tough time he has to prioritise his son and keep his company running. That said it isn’t your job to manage the lad and not your responsibility. You do need to talk to your boss and mention that you don’t feel comfortable keeping his son in check in his absence and it is hard to get on with your work when he is not being supervised by his dad. If the boy is touching things he shouldn’t your within your rights not to intervene just make his dad aware.

Hopefully this is a temporary situation. I wouldn’t risk creating bad feeling with the owner of the company if this is a job you like but it’s fine to let him know you won’t take on a babysitting role either.

Stop doing it. Do your work.

It’s not the OPs responsibility to look after someone else’s child though!

can you buy him a word search book or a book even

Really? Tango absolutely does contain sugar.

I mean, he’s the boss right? I don’t think low key threatening him is a very good idea.