Lending a flat

[ClovisWrites]

I wonder what you all think of this. This is I’m afraid the first-worldest of first world problems, however it is causing me upset and causing tension within my family, so I’d be genuinely grateful to know if I’m completely in the wrong. (I also saw a similar story about a borrowed house on here yesterday so it’s well timed.)

A couple of years ago, after the sale of part of a business (said evasively so I’m not immediately identifiable) I bought a flat in London. It’s quite small but it’s in a nice part and very central. I bought I guess as dream-come-true thing, so I could go down at weekends for shows and shopping. I also use it occasionally when in London for work, and I’ve always made it clear to my friends and family that they can use it pretty much when they want, and many do which gives me a lot of pleasure.

A few weeks back my DMIL had ‘booked’ it for a weekend, and a few days before the trip she called me quite agitated asking me to drop off the keys. I said “I’m seeing you later in the week before you go, I’ll pass them over then”, but she kept insisting she wanted them in plenty of time. She is a bit sneaky in many ways and I smelled a rat, so then I said (untruthfully, but I wanted to put her on the spot) “Actually I’m going to be in London on Friday, I’ll see you at the flat.”

Long story short, it turned out she’d decided not to go down, so had told a friend of her precious eldest child that he could borrow the flat that weekend. This friend is someone I don’t particularly like or trust and wouldn’t have considered close enough to lend my flat to.

I’ve been told I’m being “selfish” and “rude”, and that I’ve “let him down and left him with nowhere to stay”. DMIL also said that the flat was hers for the weekend so she assumed she could do as she wished with it, and doesn’t see the problem.

In anger I said: “You obviously didn’t think it was fine because you lied about it.” I also said “I said you could borrow it, I didn’t sell you a **ing timeshare you could pass on.” I shouldn’t have sworn but I feel she’s been dishonest and incredibly presumptuous. I don’t feel I’ve let this person down as I never promised them anything.

Am I being unreasonable?

Absolutely!!!

Your wife is a cheeky fucker too. I would never lend it to MIL again.

And then what… when he rocks up. Was the friend actually standing beside her @ClovisWrites

and there was no reason to swear at her

I think your wife is probably siding with her mother on this and that’s what you mean by the tension on the family

It didn't get that far. This conversation happened on the phone earlier in the week, when she was suddenly insisting on my bringing the keys around days early for no obvious reason. I said "I'll see you at the flat" and at that point she admitted she wasn't going to be there, and had promised the flat to this bloke.

And your wife’s stance is just “chill out, it’s a bit rude but and let him have the flat?”

She's a cheeky mare! She would never be staying in the flat again. How many times has this happened before?

I wouldn't put it past her to get keys cut. she sounds the type. Su casa mi casa. No, it's not.

Doesn’t your wife see that the tension has already been created by her mother’s deception?

Why does she expect you to suck it up instead of her mother? Says a lot about her sense of loyalty to you.

She's the cheekiest of fuckers and completely out of order. I would never ever let her stay in your flat again. She is deceitful and entitled to think that she can basically sub-let your flat to someone she knows that you don't even like.

I’d have been Thatcherishly incandescent about this, honestly.
The neck of MIL ever to think of doing such a thing, and on top of that a spouse acting like one is too uptight and it ought to be Liberty Hall as far as this flat, clearly regarded as part of her rightful endowment of (your) worldly goods, is concerned!
You get none of this nonsense from cats, OP. Consider……

Yanbu. Any chance the other person has no idea it’s your flat and your MIL has been trying to show off by pretending it’s hers, and her urgency around getting the keys was because she’d struggle to think of an excuse as to why she couldn’t hand them over if she was due to see this person before?

Your MIL is an absolute fucker and your wife needs to find her backbone.

Absolutely zero chance of ever lending her the flat again and I'd change the locks and install ring doorbell so you can check who's accessing it.

If anyone tries to defend your MIL I'd bar them too.

Cheeky F. The bloke can book a hotel.

@ClovisWrites you have been amazingly generous to share your flat as you have up till now. I'm sure these people know only too well how expensive London accommodation is.
Your MIL has been so far out of order it's off the scale. She clearly can't be trusted at all and has shown total disrespect for you with this behaviour.
Your wife might want to take the easy way out but you are 100% in the right (even with the swearing) and from now on maybe direct your generosity only to those you can totally trust.

Well, YABU to "lend" your flat- when did this become a thing? Of course, people will take liberties at some point.
YANBU of course to be angry at your MIL. What's your H input?

You owe her an apology for swearing at her, but quite rightfully you were really pissed off!

But your MIL is one CF! Quite frankly her actions were shocking. If she was offered a flat to use in London for a weekend and then couldn't go, then she just lets you know she can't go and you can then offer it to anyone else who might want it.

But her offering it to someone who you don't even know well is beyond reasonable. It's downright rude. So she owes you a huge apology. It was not her flat to let out.

Just read your update: you have a wife problem. I wouldn't be happy with her.

MiL can't use it anymore. End of story.

Not the marital home though.

Why shouldn't OP have sworn at her!?

This is giving Mexican house thief vibes!! Your DMIL is being so unreasonable!!

That would be the end of my letting family stay.

I'd just use it for my own convenience from now on. I'll be honest, I think you were generous to let others use it when you aren't there anyway! I hate to think of other people in my space without me.

For me, it would take the happiness of the place being my sanctuary or home from home, to becoming more like a hotel room that others use.

I wouldn't apologise for the swearing. She provoked it by arguing that she had not been unreasonable, rather than apologising. In addition you used the swear word as an adverb to describe your flat, rather than calling her a fucking bitch, for example. Which would also not have required an apology imo considering her sly deceit.

@ClovisWrites I’d not be trusting anyone again to be honest. I’d also be considering some kind of keypad entry that you can change to stop people being able to do things like get keys copied. MIL is bang out of order. Yes, you shouldn’t have sworn and I’d apologise for that bit, but I’d also be saying “I stand by everything I said - the flat is only for people to use where I’ve agreed it, no sub-letting and you were wrong to try to let others use it, but ai am sorry for swearing, which was wrong of me”

Oh shhh. I think she deserved to be sworn at for being a fucking sneaky twat. Taking Op for a fool and then having a tantrum. Maybe your bar is low but Ops isn’t.

Well she's obviously lost the right to stay there.

What a sly, sneaky woman. Can't stand liars.