Did I make a faux pas at child’s party by not bringing a present ?

[Sleepingworries]

My child was invited to a birthday party for the first time last weekend and it didn’t even cross my mind to bring along a present… it was only when I saw a pile of presents in the courner that it made me wonder if that is the done thing.

I’d totally forgotton about the party, and only remembered when one of the other mums text me asking where I was so I also didn’t have a card either and got there halfway through.

Have I made a faux pas here ?! I did apologies for not remebering the card but it’s a bit late now.

Yes - you always take a present.

Card with a crisp £5 note in it; little ones love pocket money. Easily solved this weekend.

it's also a generational thing. parties are much more prolific now than when I was young. you learnt the etiquette, no one is going to socially ostracize your child for it, don't worry

Op, how can you forget a party where your child is invited? And you say this is his first invitation.
Secondly, why won't you just drop a gift now? Why do you say it's too late?

You need to prioritise your child's social life too.

Have you not been to a birthday party ever in your life before?

Of course you take a present and for a young child's birthday it doesn't even have to be anything expensive, a pack of felt tips will do. The joy for them is having something to open.

Its too late now but it usually is expected that you bring a gift to a birthday party. How have you got to adulthood not knowing this?

We were there for the food, cake and party bags so the host didn’t loose money in that respect

Yeah, so you skipped the first bit by being late but you ate their food & cake and got a party bag to go…

If everyone had done as you did the child would have thought nobody was coming to their party and they would have had no gifts to open.

That’s what you have to consider. If everyone did as you did what would have happened? That’s why we have etiquette

op didn't say she didn't think it was important so just rolled up late cos meh. she said it slipped her mind. life happens. when her friend text her she hightailed it over. their presence matters more than a present.

How the world has changed in the last 50 years. Back in the 70s, when our two were at primary school in a small Welsh village, birthday parties meant half a dozen friends at the birthday child's house, with simple party food and games, but no presents and no party bags. No inordinate stress or expense for either the birthday child's parents or the parents of the guests and everyone had a great time.

I'll now crawl back under my stone...😉

It's not about cruelty. Organising birtgday parties requires effort and money.
Op has given the impression kids birthday parties are not important. She arrived very late. And then no card, no gift.

It’s fine, just pop something round.

their presence matters more than a present.

And she had none of one and very little of the other.

You arrived "halfway through" with no card or present. 🤔

I mean, it may be "the first party your DC has been invited to" ...... but surely you've done 'life' before now, thrown your DC a party, been to one yourself??

I grew up pretty poor and it was normal to bring a present to a party!

Me too

My son’s 5th birthday party was two weeks ago and I was embarrassed at how many presents he got and how generous people had been. There were a couple of people who came to me and said they had forgotten or weren’t able to, my son didn’t even notice!

we invited the whole class as he is a September birthday and I was genuinely so overwhelmed that people had given up 2 hours of their Sunday afternoon to come along, never mind presents.

I was tempted to put no presents on our invitations but I think social custom is to bring a present with you

And I’m sharing she can’t do that. As the kids get older, parties become paid for activities. So if OP cannot get herself organised and have a diary so she doesn’t forget these things, then she is going to cost other parent’s wasted money and her child simply won’t be invited to anything.
She is a parent. Time to sort herself out.

it is cruel to exclude one child from a party because your child didn't get a present and they were late. life happens. once!

yoir post also implies that this will become a discussion point between the other parents whereby they find out there wasn't a present and you all conspire to freeze out the family you think isn't good enough for you

if someone forgot to bring a present to my mates kid party I wouldn't know. how would I find out to ensure I don't invite her unless you're gossiping about it? or you're all sitting there staring at everyone coming in to see what they've brought.

Oh op, the fact that you turned up late but still got food, cake and a party bag but didn’t even think to take a card, let alone a present, does look bad.
I didn’t grow up in an affluent area, birthday parties were held in people’s homes with homemade food and party games, nothing over the top, but it was absolutely normal to bring and receive presents

Don't worry @Sleepingworries, give a small present and card as soon as you can, along with an apology for forgetting to bring it along to the party and all will be ok.

Op also didn't say that she had a very busy or stressful week/ month for her to forget. She offered a simple apology to the birthday kid's mother, which may give impression to her that it was not important.

We live in societies, so you cant just say "oh well life happens", either say what happened that made you forget it and then rectify. Op's post party rectification included a simple apology, with no thought to buy a gift because now its too late, to me it says birthday parties are not important to her, and more the mother who went through the efforts of organising food, entertainment may appear the same.

Why are you ignoring the first point that poster made. The fact she turned up late (because she forgot). That is the part people will remember most. If that becomes a pattern then her kid will not be invited because no one wants to pay for a place for her kids when they know she won’t turn up.

A good rule of thumb is never turn up anywhere invited empty handed

You need to brush up on primary school parent and child etiquette. And hope that word doesnt get out that you didnt bring a present and that you turned up very late, because if it does, no more party invites for your child im afraid....