Did I make a faux pas at child’s party by not bringing a present ?

[Sleepingworries]

My child was invited to a birthday party for the first time last weekend and it didn’t even cross my mind to bring along a present… it was only when I saw a pile of presents in the courner that it made me wonder if that is the done thing.

I’d totally forgotton about the party, and only remembered when one of the other mums text me asking where I was so I also didn’t have a card either and got there halfway through.

Have I made a faux pas here ?! I did apologies for not remebering the card but it’s a bit late now.

It sounds like today might be your first day on earth OP 🤣 100% drop a little something round today and say you forgot to bring it yesterday.

Please don't take this badly, @Sleepingworries but when you say "it made me wonder if that is the done thing", I have to ask: where did you grow up - North Korea? Or maybe some ultra religious cult?

Or are there developed countries that seem outwardly perfectly normal but where children don't have birthday parties and/or don't get presents?

Yes all the kids in my child's class loved their copies of das capital.

Just give one on Monday. I’m surprised that it didn’t occur to you.

it didn’t even cross my mind to bring along a present

Why not?

You need to rectify this by dropping a present asap - or your child will never be invited to another party again once word gets around. And it will.

No idea how you could have not realised that a gift is the norm.

what kind of party was it op? like a bouncy castle, buffet food type thing where numbers don't affect price, or soft play style thing where they spent a specific amount per person? I think accepting the latter and then not turning up til half way through (so a not much play, but in time for food, cake and party bags!) is worse.

either way of course you take a present. get one, take it to home time Monday and pretend you forgot to pick it up. doesn't have to be expensive. even a fiver in a card is fine.

@Sleepingworries don't worry about not knowing social rules. You can post on here again if you are unsure. It's hard not knowing what to do in situations where everyone else understands the rules.

To everyone else, please use your common sense. I can think of a number of different scenarios where someone would not gave been exposed to these social occasions and social rules. We all have to learn these at some point.

In OPs defence, I also did this the first time my child got invited to a party, I hadn't been to a childs party in 30 years and maybe we lived under the same rock? 😂

I'm going to stick up for the OP - I wish we could all collectively agree to not have kids' party gifts.

Our flat is small. Hosting a party means an onslaught of gifts with no space to put them anywhere. (And no, the solution isn't more exclusive parties leaving more children out.)

On the rare occasions that I'm organised and have bought intelligently in advance, the toys are often bigger and more plasticky to look more fun & generous. I'm not sure that's great for the harried parent running the party.

Also - I can't imagine anyone I know ever wanting to shame another parent for forgetting the start time or not bringing a gift. Everyone is busy and we're all flawed humans.

The OP probably did the child's parent/carer a favour without realising it. Other ways might be better - change is possible! We just need to believe in ourselves 😂

Oh dear. Try to make amends and never be so daft again.

seriously?

little Emma's Mom doesn't bring a gift so when it's your kids party, you'd invite everyone except Emma?

thankfully most people aren't so cruel

Are you a Mormon? Don't you get presents for your birthday? Yes! Massive fox paw.

Okay seems pretty unanimous and I feel very embarrassed now.

To answer a few questions, I am British but I grew up in a very poor area so birthday parties weren’t extravagant, it was more playing in the park or tea at a friends house. I don’t really remember the present side of it
tbh.

It’s a friend I met through a baby class and I suppose I don’t really know what I was expecting but it was much more of a formal party I suppose than what I’d thought it would be for such little children.

You need to buy a present now and take it to the Mum asap because yes, YWBU.

Lesson learned, OP.

Empty handed attendance is poor form and your 'forgot the party' excuse doesn't work if you let a long time pass without rectifying the situation.

@AnonyMumAuDHD do you have autism as your user name? Just wondering if that is why you can't think of scenarios where some one would not have learned that you take a gift to a children's party?

Unless it specifically says on the invite, gifts are generally the done thing for children’s parties at least. They don’t have to be anything expensive either, I often spent £10 or less on a nice gift (usually something crafty). It’s especially easy when they’re younger as they’re more easily pleased. As a parent who has hosted parties for my own dc, I really don’t mind how big or small the gift is, if anything smaller is better, I hope most parents feel the same.

I would have said I’d forgotten to bring it as was in a rush, and will give the gift to the parent at school drop off/pick up or drop it round in the next few days, being apologetic at the same time.

Don't worry op. I'm sure the party girl was happy your child was there.

I'd give the present on Monday to the mum at the gate or a card with some money in.

@Sleepingworries I think we may have similar backgrounds - gifts weren't the norm when I was younger.

Not members of a religious cult, either!

It was a village hall but there was an entertainer which we only saw the end of. We were there for the food, cake and party bags so the host didn’t loose money in that respect

Thank you. The area I live in now is much wealthier and I do sometimes feel like I’ve come from a different planet listening to the other mums talk!

You still need to turn up on time. It’s so completely rude to think it’s ok to treat these as unimportant when you have RSVPd yes.

If you say yes to a party then you show up on time. Set reminders on your phone from now on.

Obviously - but despite my own and my children’s ND I was able to glean that gifts are a customary component of children’s party etiquette. In fact, being autistic means I was especially careful to ensure that I understood what those customs are and to follow the required steps. I also grew up in pretty extreme poverty without access to birthday parties, so that’s not really valid either.

Your ableism is a bit insulting.

If it was an absolutely massive party they are not going to notice you didn't bring a present. Don't worry about it. But next time a card and small present is standard

It is the expectation to bring a gift but honestly , I wouldn’t notice if who had or hadn’t brought a gift to my child’s party and I wouldn’t notice or care if someone didn’t.