Did I make a faux pas at child’s party by not bringing a present ?

[Sleepingworries]

My child was invited to a birthday party for the first time last weekend and it didn’t even cross my mind to bring along a present… it was only when I saw a pile of presents in the courner that it made me wonder if that is the done thing.

I’d totally forgotton about the party, and only remembered when one of the other mums text me asking where I was so I also didn’t have a card either and got there halfway through.

Have I made a faux pas here ?! I did apologies for not remebering the card but it’s a bit late now.

It is standard to bring a gift. I would not hold it against any parents if they didn't bring a gift. It is optional.

Well, this thread is eye opening. People would really exclude a child on the basis their parent may be a bit scatty or unaware of social conventions. I now understand why bullying is so rife in schools if children are witnessing parents behave so exclusionary towards a CHILD over something so relatively minor in the scheme of things.

Your poor DC, how embarrassing for them. Surely if you are invited to something you should always bring a gift of some sort. Do you turn up to dinner parties empty handed? Weddings?

I would definitely get something and take it after school on Monday afternoon.

Even in the late 80s/early 90s it was the norm where I lived to give presents and do party bags. Yes parties were more low key with just a hall hire and parents helping to organise games like pass the parcel, musical statues etc but there was still that social etiquette of giving a gift of something small.

We never did class parties so can't really comment on having a pile of presents, but know my kids always appreciated what people gave them and liked opening them after the party.

You say you missed the entertainer but were still there in the venue they had hired, ate the food and cake and took a party bag. So I don't think missing the entertainer is justification for going empty handed.

I think it's custom to give something, so even if people did say not to bring something it's still likely people buy something or put money in instead as it generally seems rude to turn up without something.

You can pick things up cheap at places like home bargains, the works etc so it might be worth having a few things in in case you get another invite.

Also depending on the size of the party if everyone went down the route of my presence is enough and the child received no gifts then I would find that awkward. Children see from TV shows, books, real experiences that usually a birthday party will involve them being celebrated which means receiving getting a present and people singing to them.
If no one brings a present them while parents can try and brush it over as it was nice they wanted to come to your party, a child is still going to think something was missing.

I used to have a drawer with notepads, pens, etc. boys and girls themed. A few party bags and cards. I would just pick a selection and pop them in the gift bag, signed a card. Bosh bash bosh, no panic!

Just message the mum and say “I’m so sorry…we were in a rush to leave the house and I forgot to pick up the present as we left. I’ll pop it round in the next day or so”. I’ve had parents send me messages like that and I’ve sent messages like that. Don’t fret.

Although it is the norm, as a parent I didn't mind at all if someone didn't bring a present to a large party. This happened to us 2 or 3 times. I just assume money is tight or they've just been busy or forgotten. If you've only invited a few friends then the birthday child might be disappointed, but it's a good opportunity to learn that people's finances vary and the party is about celebrating with friends, not about the presents.

I understand child poverty but I'm unsure how any adult doesn't know to take a birthday gift to a birthday party. You don't just turn up for the free stuff

Op its fine just say sorry it hasn't arrived and pop it into school

Absolutely this.

Sorry but you sound a bit of a shambles. You totally forgot about the party and then you arrived late with nothing?! Get a grip!

TBH if I was the party host I’d be more annoyed at the late arrival than the lack of gift. (Though both are rude.) it sounds like you might need to set up a family calendar?
If you are on a budget then I would suggest to get an age-appropriate book and make a homemade card, and drop it off to the family. That’s cheap yet thoughtful.

I wouldn't care if children turned up to my DCs party empty handed. But I would feel awful to make him go to a party empty handed. I would feel embarrassed in that situation.

Gosh, yes. How do you not know that? I knew that age 3. How horribly rude of you. Expecting your child to be fed and entertained for nothing?

Yes absolutely. I'm sure OP will next time. If she's from a different background it's not really her fault for not realising.

That's the sort of party I used to do when my DC were little, not cheap as you have room hire, party bags, food and the entertainment. When I was a child it was just a few games at the birthday child's home.
Yes the etiquette is to bring a present. As they get older it's cash in a card.
The birthday child gets a pile of tat parcels and I used to put aside duplicates or unsuitable ones to be regifted.
Also when you put on a party yourself you'll find out that it matters when people fail to RSVP or turn up late.

It's not fine.

What sort of present for a young child needs to be ordered and "not yet arrived"? It's zero effort, especially with Amazon and supermarkets selling loads of nice stuff these days.

LOL at thinking you grew up poor and that somehow excuses it. I was brought up in a small town in Eastern Europe in a country barely recovering from 50 years of communism and brutal dictatorship. Much, much poorer than you. I would not dare show up at a party 1) late and 2) without a small gift and card. You were rude. At least you know now, don't do it again.

But what was I supposed to do once we got there ? Refuse all the food and drink they’d supplied and not let my child have a party bag either ?!

It was embarrassing enough forgetting about the party but was I meant to just stand there not eating and drinking while all the other mums did? And make my child stand to the side while the little ones ate too?!

If you don’t know you don’t know. I also grew up in a poorer area and parties wernt really a feature. I’d drop a card / gift round and apologise say you forgot them. Going forward put things in your calendar, buy a gift and card. It varies in areas on cost , I live in a lower middle class area and £10 is typical spend although I have been known to re gift from time to time.

If you don’t know you don’t know. I also grew up in a poorer area and parties wernt really a feature. I’d drop a card / gift round and apologise say you forgot them. Going forward put things in your calendar, buy a gift and card. It varies in areas on cost , I live in a lower middle class area and £10 is typical spend although I have been known to re gift from time to time.

If you don’t know you don’t know. I also grew up in a poorer area and parties wernt really a feature. I’d drop a card / gift round and apologise say you forgot them. Going forward put things in your calendar, buy a gift and card. It varies in areas on cost , I live in a lower middle class area and £10 is typical spend although I have been known to re gift from time to time.

If you don’t know you don’t know. I also grew up in a poorer area and parties wernt really a feature. I’d drop a card / gift round and apologise say you forgot them. Going forward put things in your calendar, buy a gift and card. It varies in areas on cost , I live in a lower middle class area and £10 is typical spend although I have been known to re gift from time to time.

If you don’t know you don’t know. I also grew up in a poorer area and parties wernt really a feature. I’d drop a card / gift round and apologise say you forgot them. Going forward put things in your calendar, buy a gift and card. It varies in areas on cost , I live in a lower middle class area and £10 is typical spend although I have been known to re gift from time to time.