Did I make a faux pas at child’s party by not bringing a present ?

[Sleepingworries]

My child was invited to a birthday party for the first time last weekend and it didn’t even cross my mind to bring along a present… it was only when I saw a pile of presents in the courner that it made me wonder if that is the done thing.

I’d totally forgotton about the party, and only remembered when one of the other mums text me asking where I was so I also didn’t have a card either and got there halfway through.

Have I made a faux pas here ?! I did apologies for not remebering the card but it’s a bit late now.

Same! Cards are so wasteful especially when they’re young. Whenever we’ve done parties I’ve never counted to make sure everyone brought a card or a present, who gives a shiny shit. I’d be more bothered about your lateness to the party OP.

I grew up in a poor area but we all had parties, they’d just be at home a lot of the time or in a church hall. It was absolutely the norm to bring a card and gift too, this was the 90/00s. I wouldn’t dream of turning up to a party without a gift. Having said that, my DD has been the only one with a gift at parties in the past and I was shocked.

I would say while cards are perhaps wasteful, they are a good way of acknowledging the birthday child and can be handmade.
Lots of people saying things like not everyone can afford a present, but a handmade card would show that you remembered the party and appreciate the invite.

Also while you might not count presents, surely it depends on age of child and how many people are invited. Generally if my children invite 8 friends they are choosing people they are close to and would expect something from those 8 people.

Also parties generally are reciprocal, person is paying to host the party at an expense and generally a token in the form of a present is given to acknowledge that. Same surely as being invited to a wedding, christening, significant birthday party as an adult - you don't go empty handed.

Wait...OP, are you the dad?

.....it doesn't have to be expensive even some haribos or a screwdriver set or a pen knife

WTAF? 😂

.

I'm not the most organised so keep a stack of childrens birthday cards in my car. Then if I only remember the party at the last minute, I've got a suitable card to hand and I put a tenner in it.

I mean cards for a 2/3/4 year old that the child didn’t write and the recipient can’t read! I don’t come from a card sending family so have never been hugely bothered about them or keeping them unless homemade or they have a handwritten message in.

Gift giving is reciprocal, except when it isn’t. Kids came to my daughter’s party who didn’t have one of their own, so we didn’t buy a gift in return, for example.

I don’t disagree with what you’re saying necessarily but in a party of 30 kids I never counted to check everyone brought a present. If someone didn’t, oh good less tat for me to find a home for!

It’s not a big deal, should have just said you forgot the present and bring it on Monday! I’ve seen plenty people do that! Even received gifts a week later, my dc were excited that the gifts kept coming!

I like being an organised person op. I have 14 kids in my dc classes whose birthday it is over the next few months.
I’ve got a stack of cards at home for both b/g.
Ive added things to my Amazon basket for a while and will buy on Prime day.
I’ve even got some brand new in the box lovely stuff on Vinted. I just collect this through the year and I’m sorted for all types - birthday, Xmas, any event. And it doesn’t end up being caught short of paying at the last minute.

It’s not too late. Drop a gift round to them and apologise for “accidentally leaving it at home”on the day of the party. Include a little thank you card saying how lovely the party was.

Who gives a child a screwdriver set or pen knife??!!!

OP, it's fine. Yes, the norm (or 'gold standard' 😁) is turning up at the party on time with a present and with the correct child, but really no one cares unless it's a very small party or an organised activity that relies on people being on time, although usually people would apologise if late. I've had people turn up halfway through the party, leave the present on the bus, and on one memorable occasion bring the wrong child to the party (mum was away, dad and grandmother were doing parties, we got the 9yo when we should have had the 6yo 😂). Some people just don't have their shit together at weekends, and tbh that's us often enough that we're very tolerant and accepting when it's other people.

Maybe it would help if you buy a few suitable things for boys and girls every month, keep those things in a cupboard and you will have a choice of gifts for future parties. Then it won't take a lot of effort to remember to take a gift with you when you drop off your child at the next party. I presume you have given the child a gift by now as it is the polite thing to do.

What? This is absolutely bonkers

😂

I’d have judged a lot more over someone giving my child a pen knife than not giving a present.

Only on mumsnet as they say.