Did I make a faux pas at child’s party by not bringing a present ?

[Sleepingworries]

My child was invited to a birthday party for the first time last weekend and it didn’t even cross my mind to bring along a present… it was only when I saw a pile of presents in the courner that it made me wonder if that is the done thing.

I’d totally forgotton about the party, and only remembered when one of the other mums text me asking where I was so I also didn’t have a card either and got there halfway through.

Have I made a faux pas here ?! I did apologies for not remebering the card but it’s a bit late now.

I also grew up in a poor area in the 80s. My mum used to buy presents and cards in bulk. What I did when my little ones were small a few years ago - go to Card Factory where you can get 10 cards for £1. Buy 5 boy cards and 5 girl cards. Go on Amazon and buy 5 copies of a book suitable for your kid’s age - Gruffalo or similar plus get 5 packs of Haribo/Smarties from the supermarket. You now have 5 party’s worth of cards and presents that you can wrap a few mins before going to a party.

Who attends a birthday party without a present??
Give it to them at the next opportunity and apologise for being late.

Some people just fail at life

You actually have to ask?! Of COURSE you are in the wrong!

This happened to one of my DC once, one of the mums sent their child to their birthday party (I think they were 8) with no card or gift. The mum was one of these people who would plead poverty, scrounge ciggies off people, and were always late paying the rent, but spend bucketloads on mobile phones, designer gear, cannabis, and the pub. Not even a bloody Mars Mar or a 29p card from The Card Factory for my DC.

It was her child's birthday a month later and my DC was invited to her party. I took great pleasure in sending my DC with fuck-all for this woman's child.

Fucking woman had the audacity to slag me off for it. 😂

When one of the other mums mentioned it, I said 'well she never got anything for mine last month when her child came to their party,' and this mum said 'well that doesn't mean you shouldn't have got anything for HER child, that's just spiteful.'

Some people! 😆 Cut from the same cloth. DO fuck-all and GIVE fuck-all, and expect everything back. Some people are just takers. Her child is the same now. Late 20s and never worked a day in their life.

First day on earth?

She didn't even do a card!!!!

How could you think that this was normal???? Get something and say you’re sorry you forgot it at the weekend / my apologies
don’t be “that” parent when someone else has bothered to invite you.

Is all the outrage on this thread real? I wouldn’t give a fuck if somebody showed up without a present for my child. There’s more to life than presents ffs.

It happens. Don't beat yourself up. There's a first time for everything, and this was the first time your child had been invited to a party.

No one is born with a perfect comprehensive body of knowledge about absolutely everything. You're allowed to make mistakes.

What strikes me is that you want to make it right. Yes, it's tough when you grow up not knowing how things are done. You're embarrassed, which suggests conscience and a kind heart, and you want to make it right.

You live and learn - that's true of everyone. I speak as one who has committed many a faux pas 😅 Most people are forgiving, especially in response to sincere apologies. Everyone messes up sometimes.

This will be okay. Sending you big hugs.

I am beginning to think this may be a reverse… after all, anyone who can spell ‘faux pas’ - let alone understand what one is - would absolutely know that you bring a gift to a children’s party.

Do you really need to ask?!

I don’t have kids but if I was invited to a child’s birthday (friend’s child or nibling) of course I’d bring a present! Doesn’t have to be something expensive …..something crafty and cheap from The Works for example. My friend’s little girl had a bday recently. I didn’t go to the party (grandparents and close family) but next time I saw her I gave her a gift. If a child free person knows the etiquette how can a parent not know?

How did you forget about the party? You need a proper calendar on your phone, the second you have an appointment, write it in.

i use Cozi family organiser, it’s a good one.

yes of course you should have bought a present and I don’t believe for one second you do not know this. The poorest areas here have the most expensive parties, bouncy castles and slushie machines and cards
full of money: there is no way you did not know this.

Can you order something from Amazon and give it to the mum and just say you hang ordered it and there was a delay in it coming ?

The whole thing is unbelievable unless she was raised by wolves as a previous poster suggested. Everyone in every bracket and every area knows to bring a gift to a party, or give one afterwards if you forgot.

Where are you claiming that is is not customary to bring a gift to a child’s party?

Or are you like my DH who kept going on and on and on about the amazing camping holidays he had in France as a child, and then when we went with our own children he suddenly realised that he was the parent and actually had to do the cooking and organising and to the children this is all invisible.

Were your parents giving all the gifts to parties all along and you are only now just finding out now that you have to do this?

I hate to break it to you but the tooth fairy might be a bit of letdown in your house if you don’t wise up.

I also grew up in a poor household in a poor area. We still brought a gift to birthday parties.

I wouldn’t make a note of who hasn’t brought a present, I usually send a blanket thank you for coming and your gift message. If they didn’t and I did notice I would just assume they were busy and forgot or couldn’t afford to get anything.

Obviously parties mean presents. It’s not too late. Buy a present and give it to the parent and say you forgot to bring it with you. I can’t see how anyone would think of going to a party without something.

Unpopular vote that YANBU here! When children are little, parties generally seem to involve 10+ if not the entire class. They’re not going to notice or care if there’s no present from you. They’ll be overrun with party junk as it is.

I am was seriously thee scattiest mum ever, son in odd socks etc but even i knew kids party equals present, doesn't have to be expensive even some haribos or a screwdriver set or a pen knife

a screwdriver set or a pen knife

this is brilliant 😂

How embarrassing

Was everything always perfect for you?

I managed to host several parties and do loads of totally together things when mine were small. On other days my top was inside out, DC seemed feral and I forgot where I'd parked let alone what I was supposed to be doing.

I think that's a fairly common experience of motherhood when DC are young so I wouldn't assume that a mother who could host a party could have no empathy for a mother having a bad day.

Don't worry, OP. It is the norm, but not the end of the world if you don't bring one. I had people turning up without a present at my kids' parties, or bringing the present days or weeks later, and also people arriving late. I did not care one iota and neither did my kids - I also never gossiped about it with other parents. Kids got invited because my kids wanted them there, not because their parents bring fancy presents!
I can't believe how judgy some people on this thread are! In my opinion, being judgy is a worse crime than turning up late to a party without a present.

I wouldn’t have batted an eyelid OP, if I’d been hosting the party. Don’t worry.
I’ve had to send a message before to apologise for being amazingly disorganised and having forgotten, and I have dropped off a late present before. It’s happened to me too. Not ideal but no-one has been worried.