Did I make a faux pas at child’s party by not bringing a present ?

[Sleepingworries]

My child was invited to a birthday party for the first time last weekend and it didn’t even cross my mind to bring along a present… it was only when I saw a pile of presents in the courner that it made me wonder if that is the done thing.

I’d totally forgotton about the party, and only remembered when one of the other mums text me asking where I was so I also didn’t have a card either and got there halfway through.

Have I made a faux pas here ?! I did apologies for not remebering the card but it’s a bit late now.

"One of my DC had a party a few months ago, and one of the 6 children invited didn’t bring a present or card. I was gobsmacked. My DC was hurt. They tried to explain it by saying this child didn’t get invited to many parties - I’m not surprised! It’s the inconsiderateness and thoughtlessness that’s the issue."
I absolutely agree with all the posters saying OP should give a gift and card later, and apologise (and put things in phone calendar, how could you forget the first party your child us invited to!?).

But...for the post above, you never know why a child doesn't bring a gift (the parents could be really hard up, or struggling thru relationship problems, or helping a dying parent..) - the idea of not inviting a small child again because they didn't bring something, is mean, and teaches your own DC that you never include someone without exppecting a reward, which is poor. Your DC shouldn't be cou ting and evaluating gifts, they should be playing with their friends and being happy they came to the party.

Yes, but it’s fixable. Just get a card and present now.

It helps to have a present cubpboard full of cheap generic presents - books, thing on offer that could be used - sweets that keep - as in early years at school there are a lot of class parties and sometimes life gets busy.

It may not have been noticed if it was a class party - certainly I didn't always and if I did we were in a financially struggling area so assumed there were money issues and never made an issue of it - just glad they came and never begrudged them food or a party bag.

I think you're probably right. More fool me for engaging with this thread!

Personally I think this is a case of 'least said, soonest mended'. I wouldn't send a belated present with excuses - the moment has gone and you'll only draw more attention to the fact you didn't bring one in the first place.

It probably is a faux pas but it doesn't actually matter - you say the birthday child had 'a pile of presents' - probably half of them tat that will be charity-shopped within a couple of weeks - whatever you'd have brought won't be missed. If it had been a very small party with only a handful of presents there might be a case for sending one afterwards but in the circumstances I don't think it would achieve anything.

I mean this gently

I knew you were going to say that there were background issues with not bringing a gift. I totally understand.

Why did you forget the party? Are you under a lot of stress?

With the present, it does sound like you’ve got to learn a bit more about the type of environment you’re in now. I would be honest about your beginnings and most people will be kind. I have seen this in action. If anyone doesn’t get it then ignore them they’re not for you anyway.

A parent once RSVP’d to a party I was doing where I really needed specific numbers bc there was an adult/child safety ratio, and then just didn’t turn up at all. I even texted her to check because the people running it had to do a safety briefing and wanted to know if they should wait ( I wouldn’t have even chased her otherwise ). She didn’t even reply until hours later and made up some excuse but it was clear she just forgot. She never sent a present later on either! i never made a fuss about it because she did have literally 3 young toddler DC at the time and I sort of understood she must have been exhausted, etc - but clearly, I haven’t forgotten! Parties are expensive and hard work. It might not matter much to you but it does to the parent. And child.

No of course you did the right thing joining in normally once you were there.

To avoid awkwardness, I'd opt for a white lie now: take a small wrapped gift to the mum and say you found it had slipped under the front passenger seat in the car. That has happened to me before, and because it wasn't sitting obviously on the back seat waiting to be taken in, in the scramble of car set unclipping, shoe re-hoofing etc I did forget. In my case I remembered half way through and had a shock when I couldn't immediately see it and had to scramble round searching, but it is perfectly possible I might have not remembered until it emerged from under the front seat at some point.

Did you never go to a party as a child?

Obviously not but you now need to buy a present and drop it off and apologise for forgetting to bring it to the party.

The OP has explained all this.

Why would you think it was ok to not buy the birthday child a small gift. As others have said,just put the card with a small amount of cash through their letterbox or hand it over at school drop off/pick up.

I'd contact the parent reiterating an apology for lateness/no gift, and asking if the child could come for a playdate which would include a birthday gift.

Easy to forget things and to not know the standard etiquette. But now you know, and it's easily fixed. :)

No, you should have apologised for forgetting the present and said you’d bring it to school on Monday. And nipped out today and bought something.

Of course, once you got there, you should join in and eat and drink. Not doing so would be ruder! I agree with another that a text to the host apologizing for being late when you realized would have been ideal and dropping off a small gift tomorrow would be the way to turn this around.

As a counter to some of the "So rude!" comments on this thread, if you'd done this to me when my kids were tiny I would have assumed motherhood was getting the better of you that day, that you'd forgotten and were doing you best to get things together. A gift dropped off a few days later would have been much appreciated, but also not entirely necessary unless you frequently forget things in such.a way that you look like a freeloader.

Aw OP, I did vote that you are being unreasonable, but to be fair I actually remember now the first kids party I went to after becoming a mum… it was a baby’s first birthday party (one of the mums who I was in a baby group with) and to be honest I had no clue what to expect and I remember not being sure whether to take a present. So even though it seems obvious now to us mums, I do remember that in the early days everything is very new and you’re not always sure of the etiquette.
if you feel able, just take something wrapped to the birthday host as soon as possible and give a general apology “for not being organised on the day of the party” (which is vague enough to either be the truth that you forgot or it implies that you just didn’t manage to get the present sorted in time).
It’ll be alright 👍

Me three. I'm not playing poverty Olympics here but I grew up in a very deprived area and there was no way in hell any mum would have sent their child to another kid's party without a card and a present.

Just pass a little something to them tomorrow

You know they’d hired a hall, so you knew full well it wasn’t on the level of a few friend to play in the park 🙄
Turning up for the food and party bags was beyond rude as well! You really accepted a party bag and questioned if you should have taken a present?

I would have assumed motherhood was getting the better of you that day
Why would the mother of a same aged child who was managing to host a party make such an assumption?

@Sleepingworries Unusual for it not to cross your mind at all. It was pretty much the first thing that crossed mine when my kids got invites.

You were there for the food, cake and party bags? Were you not there so your child could help celebrate their classmate’s birthday or was it just for the freebies?

Bit odd when you turned up half way through unlike the others , proclaim not to know birthday cards and presents were a thing , unlike the others , but want to be like the others when it means you are yours would miss out?

Plus you've had a whole week to rectify it and didn't bother

You could absolutely drop a pressie off retrospectively. I would text the parent to apologise for being late.

For future reference a book or colouring book from The Works is great for cheap gifts. For example, craft like this, a bag of haribo and a cheap csrd from the card fsctory could come in at around £5. https://www.theworks.co.uk/p/craft-activities-for-kids/velvet-colouring-set-food-and-animals/5052089405851.html

Haha yes it’s a done thing to have party presents I usually spend £10