Did I make a faux pas at child’s party by not bringing a present ?

[Sleepingworries]

My child was invited to a birthday party for the first time last weekend and it didn’t even cross my mind to bring along a present… it was only when I saw a pile of presents in the courner that it made me wonder if that is the done thing.

I’d totally forgotton about the party, and only remembered when one of the other mums text me asking where I was so I also didn’t have a card either and got there halfway through.

Have I made a faux pas here ?! I did apologies for not remebering the card but it’s a bit late now.

@Sleepingworriesyes it’s customary but don’t worry too much!! We’ve had parties where we’ve had a few late comers, a few without gifts and the slightly annoying tag along sibling. I’m sure they’re just glad you came. Don’t overthink it - it’s not a big drama. You know for next time. £5 in a card or a book or small toy will be fine.

Moving forward I would recommend going to somewhere like The Works and getting a multi pack of cards and a couple of things suitable for presents for your DC’s age group and stick them in a drawer so you’ll always have something in.

Personally, I think it’d probably have been better not to turn up at all than do what you did 🤷‍♀️

So do I.

IMO birthday parties in the UK these days (often annually!) are for keeping up with the Joneses. Showing you're one of the group and into their mindset instead just for fun for kids. I got so sick of it while I was there.

But yeah, you have to bring a present. If it’s second hand, it makes you a cooler friend, or that’s what I learned. Expensive or visibly second hand. I think it’s a middle class English thing. Hope you have some other people in your life where it’s more comfy.

When you realised your mistake why didn’t you just say to the host that you were sorry you left the present at home and will drop it off when you next see them?

It’s customary to bring a gift to a children’s party. That’s all 🤷‍♀️
Don’t know what all that other crap is about. It’s not an English thing or a class thing at all.

I wouldn't have cared if you turned up late with no card / gift. Things happen.

Seems to be the norm to bring gift plus card. I always got my kids to make the card (they still do....). The turning up on time is a thing with kids parties as they are normally time bound. With my first, I thought it was more drop in - but soon learnt it wasn't ....

If you are still poor and cant afford a gift don't go without just to keep up with the jones

when you host its such a stressful blur that lateness and no gift “may” go unnoticed depending on on how eagle eyed and critical the host is

we are poor ish in an affluent area and i buy gifts and cards in advance from charity shops ( that are box fresh new and sealed ) and have cards and gift bag ready to go

as soon as you get an invite put alerts on your phone

don't be hard on yourself it wont be the last culture clash

You just need to be better organised in future. Don't you immediately put in your calendar when you're invited to something? It's pretty rude to accept an invite and then just forget about it, though I suppose it could happen to anyone once in a blue moon.

And yes you need to take a card and present to a child's party.

STTE. Yes you have.

Easily solved, put a few pounds in the card and give it to them when you next see them if you've said you forgot the card already.

Yes, very normal and polite to take a small gift.

DD has a little friend who is clearly very poor and who's parents probably also grew up very poor - she never brings a card or gift to DD birthday parties. We obviously keep inviting her because DD wants her there and her presence is more important than any gift. But she's the only child who has never brought anything and I have 2 children and we've had at least 10 parties, 6 have been whole class. That's how normal it is to bring a gift.

Rude to turn up late, never mind without a card or present.

Step one, once invited to something put it on calendar/diary
Step two buy a small present and card
Does your little one not have parties? Its not too late too give something

@Sleepingworries I honestly wouldn’t bat an eyelid if someone didn’t bring a present. In fact, I’d probably be secretly glad because it’s less stuff that my kid doesn’t need! Anyone who judges you for it isn’t very kind. Don’t worry about it 🤗

get a gift. wrap it. and a card. and drop it at their house. and then buy a small stash of age appreciate gifts for birthday parties. every party = a gift.

Mine are older now, but in the party days we did have a couple of late presents with apologies.

One said Amazon delivered later than expected, another was waiting for payday.
I've not held it against them!

But don't ever no show at an expensive party, or turn up with undeclared extra siblings. Those are unforgivable.

A little bit of a faux pas but tbh at a busy party I wouldn’t have even noticed if a kid didn’t bring a present. It wasn’t like I was cross referencing at my DD’s party. I’d just leave it now and try and get some gifts in for future. FWIW, I don’t think you need to take a lot. I bought 3 colouring books with thread attached to make bunting in Aldi which were reduced to 19p each! I can add a pack of colouring pencils but not essential or a bag of sweets and I buy a stack of 50p generic cards when I remember. Then you have bits at home all ready to grab.

Are you serious??
Get a present round there pronto!
The mum will have noticed and it’s probably all round a WhatsApp group that you are a meanie.
Hopefully your child will be invited to other parties in the future but then again……

Just apologise for forgetting and give the gift when you see them next. Don’t just never give them a gift or card after you went to their party. Doesn’t have to e an extravagant gift

It’s is the done thing, having now moved past the age of whole class parties, I didn’t notice who did or didn’t bring a present neither did my child, it happens through absent mindedness or lack of money. We were never bothered they received enough (more than). Yes kids do enjoy presents but they don’t make a check list of who did or didn’t give presents.

Yes of course you normally bring a card and present to a child’s birthday party. I used to keep a drawer with suitable party presents. It doesn’t have to be anything too expensive but ideally it would be something you think the child may like and age dependent.

Presents are usually a fiver to 15 quids worth at that age. It’s not a big deal, if you are feeling bad then pop something round and say you forgot to bring it on the day, we’re rushing etc. When they are in primary school it’s also quite normal to pop a fiver or tenner in the card, instead of a present, depending on the closeness of the friend. Or let your child choose the present for their friend, or ask the parents what they like. Baby and toddler parties a small token gift or gift card is fine. Doesn’t have to be loads of moneys worth. But yes it’s normal to bring a present to a kids party.

this is ridiculous, what adult will post on the WhatsApp that someone forgot to bring a present? I certainly never counted presents and kept a tally like that.

It wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. My dc always had far too much stuff anyway. I remember one party and a kid brought a box of malteasers. Dd thought it was a fab present.