Did I make a faux pas at child’s party by not bringing a present ?

[Sleepingworries]

My child was invited to a birthday party for the first time last weekend and it didn’t even cross my mind to bring along a present… it was only when I saw a pile of presents in the courner that it made me wonder if that is the done thing.

I’d totally forgotton about the party, and only remembered when one of the other mums text me asking where I was so I also didn’t have a card either and got there halfway through.

Have I made a faux pas here ?! I did apologies for not remebering the card but it’s a bit late now.

Rubbish! Everyone has different experiences growing up so it’s not fair you trying to shame the OP that way.

My family were v poor compared to my other school friends in the 70’s so it meant that no-one inc. adults got invited to our house (mum was ashamed of our poverty). Therefore, I didn’t get invited to any parties as a kid and only had one friend throughout secondary school.

I’ve also had to blunder around and figure out social etiquette as I grew up. It doesn’t help when you get snotty types who like to act superior…!

I think it's better that you showed up late than didn't bother at all. There are always a few late arrivals and early leavers at that kind of party.

There is a trend now for PLEASE NO PRESENTS on invitations, and even then many people ignore it and still bring gifts.

No, it definitely is not better to show up for the food, cake and party bag (as op says she did) than not to show up at all.

I disagree. It's annoying if you cater for a certain number, make party bags for a certain number and then some don't bother to show up.

Honestly showing up late with no present is rude. The parent may not comment but they sure will have noticed.

Do you usually agree to do things then flake? I’m not saying you won’t get invited to others but when there is only a select noumbdr of places - they are unlikely to go to the kids who parents doesn’t show up until
half way through.

I have been to over 40 parties with my kids and have never seen anyone turn up half way through with no present.

Also to say I grew up dirt poor and my mother would have never dreamed of sending us to a party with nothing.

Yes, it's traditional and standard practice at a child's birthday party unless the parents have expressly said something else.
And agree with all the others saying you need to drop one off with an apology for forgetting to 'bring it with you' . If you can't afford much get a decent 'as new' age appropriate book from a charity shop.

You don't want your child dropped off the party invitation circuit if you can possibly help it. This could upset your child a great deal if anything is said to him. Let your child know what you've sent as well.

Get a present now and say it was baby brain as you were unreasonable. Poor excuses too.

Get a card and put a tenner in it. You already apologised for forgetting the card and whose to say the tenner wasn't always in there? Don't further embarrass yourself by getting a panic present or it will be even more obvious you forgot. Just drop it through the door and have done.

As everyone says, it is etiquette to take a gift for a birthday party, or indeed, biscuits, cake, wine, flowers if you are invited to someone’s house for a different occasion. However, if anyone came to mine without a gift, I’d notice it but I wouldn’t be bothered or think badly of them. I would assume they couldn’t afford anything this week or as you turned up late and without a card, that you had been taken by surprise and hadn’t had time to get anything. Buy something now and take it round to them and apologise for forgetting it on the day. I bet nobody else is giving your wee faux pas any thought!

It's not that big of a deal so don't overthink it. I've had parents not bring gifts over the years, one mum went shopping for a present while her son was at the party. All good, I didn't judge them at all. As long as you show up, even if it's late, that's all that matters.

It is usual but I would rather a child attended than not attend because the parents couldn’t afford a gift. I certainly didn’t go through the presents and check them off against the people that attended. Just take a card and gift and give to them next time you see them, say you forgot it in the hurry to leave.

Don’t overthink it. These things happen. Just drop over/ when you see them next a card and a present with a note saying you forgot to leave it at the time. Honestly the mum won’t care. Don’t worry.
My son is 11 and we’ve now entered the annoying stage of ordering some football figure for a friend with a birthday off Amazon which NEVER arrives on time because it has to be a specific thing.
You have enough going on. Don’t sweat the small stuff ❤️

Take something next time you see the mum, OP — just a card and something small — and apologise for ‘forgetting’ on the day.

Hate these stupid and offensive questions. How can anyone explain why something didn’t occur to them, other than “because it didn’t”?

Depends on the age of the child here.

October is an absolute glut of birthdays here, and all parents are saying "no presents" to general friends knowing that the birthday child will be super happy for the glut of presents even if only half bring a gift, whilst the parents will despair of every seeing their living room floor again.

Yeah but that’s what I said re adding to it.
Anyway, my post has apparently been deleted!

Got to be a reverse right?

So my post saying I don’t know why people are bothering to respond to this bullshit was deleted and yet when I bother to report similar posts to MN re obviously fake/goady posts, they say they’ll look into it but nothing ever gets done!
What on earth is going on here these days?
I’ve been here for well over 20 years.
This place has massively gone downhill. Sadly.
Are you guys going to delete that too?

Don’t worry OP, people put waaaay too much store in children’s parties - you know when someone says if it won’t matter in 5 years don’t give it more than 5 minutes now - this is the definition of that. When I have kids parties i definitely do not compare who turned up when and what they ate and what they gave as a present - people need to relax a little bit on this thread. If someone turned up late I’d presume that they had a baby napping or something else on and I’d be a little bit touched that they still bothered to come even though it would have been easier for them not too in all likelihood. And as for presents I guarantee there was a pile of crap discarded after a day and the mother did not miss another one!

If it were me I'd pretend I'd left the present at home and drop it off to them

Present or money in a card. To not even bring a card is rude.

Yes you did.

Definitely !

Weren't everyone's birthday parties at home in the 80s with games in the house or garden? You don't have to be poor to have experienced that, I think.
We did get presents though.

I never went to a single party as a child but even I know you bring a gift and text a thank you after. That said I probably wouldn't notice if a single parent ddnt bring a gift and wouldn't make a thing of it tbh.