To pull DC out of school for 6 months and go to New York?

[Avalive]

Hi all. I have 3 DC, DS7, DS4 and DD18months.

I’m a SAHM (plan was to go back to work PT when DD was 2/2.5 and in nursery/childminder).

DS1 has had a tough school life so far, he was getting bullied but school weren't doing anything about it and then when he hit back one day he was the one who got into trouble even though the bullying had gone on for months. I Know hitting isn’t great but I wasn’t happy about just him being punished. We moved schools and he’s been really unsettled and been saying he doesn’t want to go. This school is also a not great school in general but the better schools in the area and slightly further away unfortunately had no spaces.

DS2 has started reception at the same school and is doing okayish but could he doing better.

DH has been offered a 6 months contract in new york, expenses paid etc including accommodation, he can either go on his own but then potentially not see the DC or me for a long time which they would struggle with as he’s a good involved dad or take them out of school for 6 months and go or not go at all and turn it down.

I’m honestly in 2 minds, part of me thinks it’s a mad idea but another part of me thinks it’s a good opportunity and we’d be mad to turn it down, because he’d get better money etc and we could potentially put the extra money into savings.

Wwyd?

Do it!

For a start I would try and define what you want from school could do better? and he's in reception??
As for NY I would say go. Opportunity may never come back. Children will bounce back.

I'd absolutely go

I'd be tempted to say yes, but you know your kids best.

Can they cope with change? (And winter!!)

What about wider family and friends support?

Would DH be working all hours? Different culture in USA.

Could you enrol them in home school activities over there? I'm sure there's a good home schooling community.

Would you be able to afford a place with eg a garden, or near a park? A LOT of people live in flats not houses. My kids NEED outside time regularly.

Also - are you white? Horrible question to ask but I've heard awful stories of racism and persecution.

At those ages, I'd go. You'll lose your school places though, so you might want to consider which schools local to you are under subscribed, in case they are ones you wouldn't want your dc at.

She already said the school was shit

so they can just apply to other schools when they get back 🤷‍♀️

I'd do it, and get on the waiting lists for the better schools for when you return if that's an option.

I love New York when it’s cold! Best time to be in a city.

She's already in this position, had said she'd be willing to homeschool white they wait for a place on there return.

This puts her DS, who's currently miserable at school, and has a horrible time with bullying, in a much better position hopefully. He can take some time away, spend time with his family, and then when they get back they can wait till a place comes up at a decent school.

It sounds like a gift horse to me.

Without a shadow of a doubt go

So pleased to see the encouragement here. I did the same with slightly younger dc for a similar time period to Stockholm and its part of our family culture- distant memories and “we lived there” for the DC. Aspects were really hard for me but I’m glad we did it. Would friends and family from home be able to visit? Your DH is unlikely to get much leave over a Christmas in the States fyi.

I suspect the OP’s DH is working for an international company, in which case he will get decent annual leave (usually in line with the company’s overseas offices). In my social circle of professionals working in NYC, no one gets less than 20 days per year.

Also, in the time period the OP’s family will be in NYC, there are the following public holidays:

Thanksgiving (Nov 26th & 27th)
Christmas Eve
Christmas Day
New Year’s Day
Martin Luther King Day (Jan 18th)
President’s Day (Feb 15th)
Good Friday (March 26th)

So plenty of time for them to take off as a family and travel around the US (perhaps to warmer states like Florida, Texas, California, Arizona, Utah, Nevada etc. to get some respite from the NY winter!)

I'd definitely go in your situation, it sounds like an amazing opportunity - but if I were to do it I'd enrol my child in a school there (he's 6 and a bit behind with his reading and writing so I wouldn't want him to fall further behind, and he enjoys learning in school).

2 things - firstly, there's a shed load of days off school kids in the system will probably get. Hanukkah, for example.

Secondly, New York in autumn and winter is lovely. Florida is rubbish, Texas is not a tourist destination.

Go.
The schools your children are in sound horrible anyway.

I have no idea what school kids have to do with anything. I was responding to someone claiming that the OP’s husband will get no time off on his 6-month secondment, which is a nonsense.

And while I agree NYC is lovely in autumn (we have lush weather right now - going to be 24C and sunny tomorrow), I loathe the winter and always try to get in a few winter sun breaks, including to Florida: we went to Orlando last November and to Miami in January this year - both really fun trips and excellent respite from the freezing cold at home. Disagree about Texas, Austin is a wonderful place to visit.

Children don’t get Chanukah off. They don’t even close Jewish schools for Chanukah - it’s a super minor holiday.

The bigger issue is how much time the OP’s husband might get off.

Honestly though as the OP didn’t come back and November is around the corner I doubt this is actually happening.

Our pre school did 18 years ago

How odd! I know they mostly close for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur but I went to a private Jewish school in New York and we were definitely in school over Chanukah - all the fun parties happened.

But regardless, the workplace will be open so depends on if the OP wants to travel on her own with 3 kids.

I think they closed for all 3, but it was a long time ago. They also closed for 2 days for teacher pupil consultations. Honestly, it was a good job we were subsidised. If a UK nursery closed as often as the NYC Montessori pre school did there would be a parental riot

I'd do it if it was a longer stint and school for the kids (or at least the eldest) was part of the package. For only 6 months and homeschooling I don't think it would be worth it. I think it could be quite lonely.

I don't think getting back for weekends would be doable at all.

Six months is an ideal amount of time to spend exploring a city with small children. Hanging out in playgrounds is an ideal way to meet other parents and connect.

The OP would also be able to do library storytime, maybe swim and gym for small kids in the YMCA, etc, and art museums often hold kid classes where the children would have fun and the OP would meet people.

I've done it in another city and I found it very lonely. I got quite depressed and I'm used to living in different places. It isn't as if I don't like cities. I have lived in London with small children and that was fine but i had worked there and knew people. Being a foreigner in an unknown city can be miserable, especially if you are there temporarily as no one wants to invest time in getting to know you. I love New York but I've been there with young children and it seems a lot larger and more spread out when you have young children in tow.

New York’s not that cold in the Winter. You can wrap up or choose not to be outside for long periods of time, I wouldn’t let that out you off. It’s cold, sure, but it’s not that damp, miserable UK cold.