To pull DC out of school for 6 months and go to New York?

[Avalive]

Hi all. I have 3 DC, DS7, DS4 and DD18months.

I’m a SAHM (plan was to go back to work PT when DD was 2/2.5 and in nursery/childminder).

DS1 has had a tough school life so far, he was getting bullied but school weren't doing anything about it and then when he hit back one day he was the one who got into trouble even though the bullying had gone on for months. I Know hitting isn’t great but I wasn’t happy about just him being punished. We moved schools and he’s been really unsettled and been saying he doesn’t want to go. This school is also a not great school in general but the better schools in the area and slightly further away unfortunately had no spaces.

DS2 has started reception at the same school and is doing okayish but could he doing better.

DH has been offered a 6 months contract in new york, expenses paid etc including accommodation, he can either go on his own but then potentially not see the DC or me for a long time which they would struggle with as he’s a good involved dad or take them out of school for 6 months and go or not go at all and turn it down.

I’m honestly in 2 minds, part of me thinks it’s a mad idea but another part of me thinks it’s a good opportunity and we’d be mad to turn it down, because he’d get better money etc and we could potentially put the extra money into savings.

Wwyd?

If visas and healthcare all sorted and the accommodation is big enough and in a decent area, I would do this in a heartbeat.

I wouldn’t enrol them in school though, just home learning and loads of adventures

Check just where the accomodations are at as well as size and if kids are permitted.

I wouldn’t send my kid to school in the states .

This

Primary school is less essential, but going for 6 months means DS1 would have to go to school in NY, where he is far more likely to get bullied than presently because he will be different. Their school system is completely different so it would be disruptive for DS1. Having problems with a school is far easier to navigate in your own culture- so it would be very demanding on you too,
and as other posters have said will probably be a difficult and lonely experience for you. I think I would be more positive about it if the opportunity were for longer- you and the kids will just be getting used to it when it is time to come home.
It might be alright if your husband's company is willing to provide good family accomodation and a private international school for DS1.

I wouldn’t go. DH spent time away from us, from anything between 2 and 6mths, while he was in the armed forces. Whilst it sounds like a really long time, it’s actually not and imo it’s not worth disrupting children for. Once your children settle in NYC it will be time to bring them home again.

@Laurmolonlabe why would you assume the OPs eldest would get bullied in an American school?
Young children are often fascinated by differences and a new classmate being from another country is something exciting.

Not a chance I would do this. Far too much disruption, plus it's not a long term plan.

Because that's what happens- if you had moved schools a lot you would realise that. Children can be very cruel, unfortunately.

It's nothing special in NYC. If her eldest is having difficulty in his school in his own country, NYC public schools will be a whole other planet.

I had to provide proof of residency when I registered my kids. Her husband will be on a temp contract and they'll be non residents.

Do it and say youre home educating and ser what you want to do when back.

Definitely home ed when there! No need for school. You could spend your entire tome learning in new york.

Do it. What an amazing opportunity.
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Go.

I think you should absolutely do it and enroll him there or home school x

So, I have known several families who moved their children around. In each case it has impacted their children - very badly. Despite their parents being graduates the children have never reached that level themselves.
Insecurity, losing friends, constantly having to learn new rules and systems did them no good at all.

The result constant anxiety, It's known in adults as culture shock and is very difficult to cope with.

Try and imagine how disruptive this would be, especially for the one who is at school. One moment he's at school in the UK, then USA, then another one etc. Poor child will be anxious, terrified of another upheaval, no friends etc etc.

I’m sorry to say, but you’re going to be in New York at the worst time. Our winters are brutal. Can your DH postpone his start date to April or May?

Otherwise, as others have said, this is a no-brainer. Especially with paid for accommodation! Best of luck.

I would absolutely go to NY, what a wonderful opportunity. You can home school and explore the city. You'll be miserable at home if DH goes without you. The children aren't happy or settled in school so what do you have to lose?

It takes far longer to settle than 6 months. NYC didn’t really start feeling like home to me until I’d lived here 18 months or so. The first few months feel like an extended holiday.

I think you’re underestimating how long 6 months actually is. Half a year. Husband working. 3 small kids to deal with all day while he’s working. Could get exhausting pretty quickly.

also I’d hesitate to remove a kid who is already unsettled in school, the expect him to return to it in 6 months.

In reality what you’d be looking at is you stuck in an apartment with 3 children in a strange city, with no support from family, whilst DH is out at work. NY is pretty brutal in winter - far more extreme weather-wise than the UK. Can you cope with that?
Regarding home schooling, do you honestly think you could be teacher Tony children at different stages of learning whilst also be taking care of a toddler? How will take work? Your DC1 has already had disruptions to his schooling and you’re suggesting more - one when he goes to NY and one when he returns. That’s not great. When you return, there will be absolutely no guarantee that your Dc will be able to return to the same schools, or even to schools nearby. Could you manage if they are in 2 different schools miles from each other? I believe DC2 would not be able to restart in Reception next year as he has already enrolled this year - make sure you check this out though.

I think it's pretty risky for your DS. Moving schools is unsettling and the data shows it has a significant, negative impact on education. What your DS really needs is support settling in to the best setting you can find him. If that is going to be this current school then going to NYC is really not in his best interests. It will be disruptive and make settling in harder.

The only situation in which I think it might work and not be negative for him is if you are going to put him in a different and much better school. If that's your plan you need to get him out of the current school ASAP, if you can fit in the NYC holiday between now and starting at the new school, then that could work. I do agree that NYC has lots of great stuff for kids and if you're there for 6 months, and will have a decent sized home in a decent location you and DS could get a lot out of it (other kids are too young to really benefit, though).

I think the not knowing where DS will go to school when you're done with this adventure is a bit of a deal breaker, though. That's a lot of insecurity for him and no guarantee he wouldn't just be right back where he started after it all.

I would also say that getting 3 kids, two of whom are 3 and under, around NYC could be challenging. Subways are not buggy friendly. You'll probably want to be on Manhattan around the park/midtown so you can walk virtually everywhere with a buggy for the younger two, or close to a subway line and happy to use a sling and have the other two on foldable scooters they can carry. Also, November through April can get very cold - that can make it magical but don't skimp on the insulated layers.

I went to 7 primary schools including 3 (one id been at for 2 years and then a term each at 2 different schools) in my final year... The result is that even though I 'adapted' to the change and went off to boarding schools I had acquaintances rather than friends. Today I only have a couple of people I'd call friends but others are much more casual. Please don't underestimate how disruptive a move could be on an already unsettled child and his siblings.

Summer in NYC is pretty tough too. I grew up in New York and remember it well! Extremes both seasons.

OP - definitely look up some of the videos etc of last winter of people clambering over hills of snow on each street corner. I’d make sure you had a nice place to spend time inside and were in a neighbourhood you wouldn’t need to go far to do things.

Alternatively, I moved plenty as a kid and have no issues.

My children are army kids and we move every 2 to 3 years. Lots of great opportunities come with moving and all the excitement of a new house and a new bedroom and a new place to explore.