To pull DC out of school for 6 months and go to New York?

[Avalive]

Hi all. I have 3 DC, DS7, DS4 and DD18months.

I’m a SAHM (plan was to go back to work PT when DD was 2/2.5 and in nursery/childminder).

DS1 has had a tough school life so far, he was getting bullied but school weren't doing anything about it and then when he hit back one day he was the one who got into trouble even though the bullying had gone on for months. I Know hitting isn’t great but I wasn’t happy about just him being punished. We moved schools and he’s been really unsettled and been saying he doesn’t want to go. This school is also a not great school in general but the better schools in the area and slightly further away unfortunately had no spaces.

DS2 has started reception at the same school and is doing okayish but could he doing better.

DH has been offered a 6 months contract in new york, expenses paid etc including accommodation, he can either go on his own but then potentially not see the DC or me for a long time which they would struggle with as he’s a good involved dad or take them out of school for 6 months and go or not go at all and turn it down.

I’m honestly in 2 minds, part of me thinks it’s a mad idea but another part of me thinks it’s a good opportunity and we’d be mad to turn it down, because he’d get better money etc and we could potentially put the extra money into savings.

Wwyd?

I’d totally do it and my kids are slightly similar ages

What a great opportunity! I’m not sure I would enrol them in another school when you know it’s only going to be temporary, your eldest does not sound very settled in school, and the younger ones are not compulsory school age anyway. If you think you’d be able to manage them by yourself in a new place all day everyday, then go for home ed, you could probably join a group in NYC.

Surely you'd send them to a school there.
Even though traditionally children start school in America at an older age the vast majority do "Pre-K" which is the equivalent to Reception so your 4 year old can go to school too.

Go!

It's emotionally torturing for the kids because they are being uprooted time and time again, this whole thing could result in losing friends and moving schools 3 times.

Go!

I’d go and homeschool until the end of the academic year with a view of the children starting a new school in September 2027.

Are you absolutely sure you’re all covered visa and healthcare wise though? It feels a generous package for 6 months if so - it would be cheaper for them to fly your DH home every couple of weeks for a couple of days.

I’d do it if housing, visa, health insurance etc were sorted and the wages were enough for all of you to live comfortably, and if your dc are ok with travelling. With schools, some of the 6 months will be holidays anyway. What would it be, 2 ish for Xmas (plus at those ages the run up to nativity etc will likely fill a lot of the last 1-2 weeks of Dec term in lesson time) plus 1 off for Feb half term, 2ish for Easter, plus any insets? So missing 4/ 4.5 ish months of school that you can easily catch up on using Oak academy like you say. Worst case scenario if you return to the UK and their school places had gone, could you continue home schooling til a place opens back up?

I definitely would not live in New York it’s a horrible state with horrendous laws. Also, the winters are so bad there that you can often struggle to leave the house.
In addition, as PP says, just 6 months is extremely disruptive to children at such early ages

Families move home all the time though.
Not always by choice.

I think you have to consider the harsh realities, you can't keep pulling kids from pillar to post and letting them settle, make friends and then pulling them away again, you'll be pulling them away from one school and set of friends, if you put them into school I NYC that's settling them and letting them make friends again to then pull them away again and potentially putting them into a 3rd school when they go back home again. I know what it's like to have parents that move you about and it doesn't feel great!

Unless you plan to get teaching material sent electronically from the 7 year olds school and spend your days home teaching, is it wise to take half a year's education off him? If he's struggling at school, this upheaval isn't going to help him.

You do need to think about medical expenses and if you'd be covered for yourself and all your children. Also NYC is very expensive so eating and drinking out will be costly, menu prices don't include the vast tax and tip you have to add onto everything.

Also bare in mind you'd be there in winter and winters are notoriously harsh in NY so you'd potentially be indoors a lot of the time, and this is going to be a super El Niño winter so god knows what could come even for us here in the UK, let alone in NY.

Yes my parents did it every 5 years and I lost so many friends everytime they did it, at 46 I still reflect on it as selfish! They moved during my GCSEs which ruined my grades!

100% do it. Most people never get this opportunity, passing it up would be crazy. Your children will remember this experience for the rest of their life.

Moving during GCSEs wasn't good - I will agree with that 🙁

I would run the numbers carefully. Food is crazy expensive in the states, doing anything in NYC is expensive, you’ll need great health insurance… it adds up quickly. At our school you’d be giving up your place so what will you do if you can’t get them into the same school (as each other) when you’re back? Not saying it’s a bad idea, adventures are good, but I can’t see any way it won’t cost a fortune.

They moved me from urban life to a rural life in another county, I was not impressed at 15! They always had itchy feet and always wanted the next house, the next project and ironically they got bored of the countryside and a couple more house moves later they ended up back on the same estate that they uprooted me from the first time when I was at primary school!

I would say go, IF the numbers stack up and you are emotionally resilient.

Rent in NYC and all surrounding/commutable areas is high. Make sure you can afford to get a place that will accommodate you all with room to move. Bear in mind you’ll be there over winter, which means being inside a lot. NY winters can be brutal. It snows a lot more than the UK.

Make sure healthcare is covered comprehensively for all of you,. Make sure you can afford to live well there to make the most of the opportunity. To not only buy groceries, but eat out, go on outings, take weekend breaks, hire a regular babysitter so you get time off, etc.

Having moved countries several times before, I have no regrets, but the first six months is usually the hardest. You’ll just start to feel like you’re getting used to it, meeting people and getting into the swing of things, and it will be time to come back. And being the one at home with the kids can be lonely and isolating, while your husband is having a great but busy time at work.

Good luck with your decision.

Yeah do it! You’ll never get an opportunity like that again, and it would be too disruptive to do when DC are older.
You can do some school work with them when you’re out there and maybe put their names down for a better school if they have spaces
for them to start when you come back or next September (home school for this year).

Given what you’ve said, i’d go, if you don’t you will regret it and your children are of the ages they can learn and catch up.
Hopefully they will get a place at a better school when they get back, but the fact that one of your children is miserable, would miss his Dad terribly and hates going to school would be enough for me

Definitely do it. Homeschool for 6 months and have loads of adventures. Send them back to school next September with loads of stories to tell.

I moved school when I was 6 and then moved country when I was nearly 8. It was awful to keep uprooting and having to try and build friendships etc. I can still remember never quite settling and never quite fitting in.

Healthcare is the main thing I’d be worried about so just make sure you’d have all that in place. Also would you be ok in a city with 3 kids every day and not knowing anybody? It sounds quite full on, especially with an 18m old. It’s a great city but also very very busy so just navigating with 3 children solo would be pretty daunting. Is there anybody else you could potentially take with you for any of the 6 months?

Go, but just be aware that their school spaces may not be there when you get back as the school would have to unenroll them (although maybe you’re not that bothered about that!)
number 2, as a Reception teacher - please research how to teach phonics (and I mean properly as it’s very easy to get wrong) as your child would be behind if they go back into school when you return.

Back in 1987 my Dad got a 6 month contract in Melbourne in Australia. My Mum got unpaid leave for 6 month and we all went. I was 9, my sister just 6. We were enrolled in the local primary school, made friends after a couple of weeks and just adapted to life there. Looking back it was an amazing experience and I have some great memories of both trips to exciting places in the school holidays and just hanging out with my new friends.

I think you should all go if you can afford to live there but I would recommend enrolling your kids in kindergarten and elementary school so that they make friends their own age.

Absolutely you should go