We want different things from his inheritance AIBU

[NotSureAboutThiss]

DH and I have been together 20yrs+ with DC. Joint finances. He has received an inheritance that he wants to use to take early retirement. I don’t want to retire yet so will continue to work through choice. I would rather save the money for kids uni fees / help with house deposit and he continues to work. He thinks I ABU. What do you think? There isn’t really enough to do both so no compromise that I can see. His argument is that we have (small) savings already for the kids.

Yes, it’s his and if it goes on house deposits he’s given it away. He hasn’t got it any more. If the money had been intended for that purpose the person who created the legacy would have cut out the middle man and left it directly to the kids.

I don't disagree.

I'm only saying that it isn't necessarily a poor use of the money, and DH and I hope to give out dc deposits for houses.

BUT if OP's DH feels differently, there is squat diddly the OP can do about that. It just isn't her money.

It appears like you want him to basically give his inheritance to the children.

I’m all for giving your children the best possible start but it’s his inheritance, they will inherit from you both in the future surely. This is his to do as he pleases with, if the person who has left it him wanted it to go to his children, they would have left it to them not him.

I believe inheritance falls outside of family money.

You are more than welcome, Myrtle.

I think we’ll need to make space for a few others to join us.

You wanting to work for another 15 years by choice is the same as him not wanting to work.

Life is short and you should spend it doing whatever you want wherever you can.

I would say though, if my DH was at home full time I would hope he turned into a pro housekeeper and had dinner ready for me every night!

The other problem with setting up the children is sometimes children don't always make the right decision. Even the smartest of us lose money to bad marriages and shonky business partners.
Why not invest in yourselves as a couple. Happily married parents came actually be the best thing you can give your dcs while they navigate the ups and downs of young adulthood.

Could you discuss a compromise with him? Perhaps you both aim to retire early in 5 years but in the meantime put some of the money away to grow, put some aside for the kids, keep working but save hard?

I am pleased for you both that you are in good health but I suddenly became seriously unwell, pretty much overnight, in my thirties and it upended my life, nothing will ever look the same again and I did nothing to bring it on myself. None of us are guaranteed health or time.
Perhaps a compromise would suit you both? Maybe your husband could start to attend an activity he might enjoy, you could look to plan things that you might love to do when you retire. Etc.

She doesn't want to quit work for another 15 years though. He would be 70 by then.

That’s uncalled for.