To put toddler outside so I can calm down

[brokendownagain26]

My 2 yo has been screaming at me all morning resulting in me being late, very flustered and stressed. I stayed patient until I didn’t and lost it, put him outside so I couldn’t hear the screams. But I’m just so fucked off

A screaming toddler alone in the garden with the door shut behind them? I'd probably watch for a few minutes to see if a parent came out, but if not, yes I'd call someone.

There are loads of cases of child abuse that include children being locked outside alone, so I just wouldn't risk not reporting it (I'm not saying that putting a child outside as a one off because you're at the end of your tether is abusive, but no one walking past would know that was what had happened).

I got that, but you are not making any sense now

In one scenario he’s in the house crying his eyes out; in the other he’s happy playing in the garden.
if he was so happy playing in the first place, you wouldn't have lost your mind, would you

I had sympathy but now you're just on a wind up

@Cutthebullshit well … yes.

It calmed him down; it calmed me down, it gave some space from one another, he was happy, I … was able to get dressed.

Of course if he’d been beside himself and desperately trying to get in maybe that would be different. But it is the standard advice; if you’re going to blow, put the child somewhere safe and have a breather, which is exactly what I did. Of course ideally you wouldn’t be about to blow!

@brokendownagain26 You're getting some very harsh responses on here OP, I doubt there are many toddlers who would see being put in the garden to play as a punishment! All of my friends with children believe in the magic of fresh air - one has just bought their first house with a garden and it's been lifechanging in terms of tantrums. As I mentioned up thread, if I put my toddler outside the tears dry up instantly and he's happy as larry - if I was to step outside and shut him in then he would be utterly distraught .

exactly

his parent might be passed out in the house, had a fall or a medical emergency
his parent might be asleep and he somehow locked himself outside
anything could have happened

a 2yo should never been seen unsupervised
Of course you report, not accusing his parent , just because it's not safe?

@dontforgetofeedthecat i am really sorry but in that version of events it makes no sense because I’ve chucked a happy playing toddler outside for no reason!

The actual version of events is that he was screaming his head off on and off for three hours, I finally cracked and put him out for a break and he just stopped screaming and started playing!

I've been there.

As long as your garden is enclosed and safe, he'll be okay.

Any of those things could also happen with him in the house and me outside it.

So really it’s ’don’t follow the standard advice; that’s wrong because you could faint or any other such unlikely situation!’

of course

but if a toddler is outside alone, I see it and it's my responsibility to do something about it.
I am not superman, I can't see what's happening indoors.

I had sympathy with you to start, but you are clearly just on a wind up now. Are you that bored or something?

I don't understand you saying it's not ideal, and then in the next breath saying you think it was basically the right thing to do

Sometimes doing the right thing means doing something that is not ideal - that is how life is.

OP was between a rock and a hard place. She took the decision that her child was safest outdoors. That is fine. Not perfect - but life isn't perfect.

If a 2yo's parent has passed out in the house then I'd rather the kid be outside in the garden (as long as it's enclosed with no water) so their shouts/cries could be heard by a member of the public.

A 2yo in the house with an unconscious parent is arguably worse.

Very genuinely, you’d report a toddler playing outside in the garden? I’m asking because mine regularly play outside without me with them. I can see them at all times but I’m not necessarily physically there and I am lost as to why anyone would report a child playing!

You keep saying it was better than you reaching breaking point, and that you were about to blow - does that mean you felt close to physically hurting your child? As it is shouting and putting a child out of the house because they have been trying to interact with you all morning and upset they can’t does sound very upsetting from a two year old’s perspective. Especially if it becomes your go to. It sounds like you need to make some urgent changes, like shower at night, get everything ready before you go to bed.

Exactly. If something feels off, then maybe knock on the door of the house (using my unconscious parent theory above) and see if all's okay.

And no, of course I’m not on a wind up. Several hours have passed since this horrible morning. At the time, I was absolutely frantic, I couldn’t get anything done or together, my toddler had been a nightmare and I reached that critical point where I was about to lose it and posted in that vein.

toddler has now been at nursery since 9, things are calmer, I’ve thought and reflected on it and while I didn’t put him outside with this rational thought process I have realised that

1. either the fresh air or change of scene helped regulate him
2. he was more upset yesterday when I stepped outside and left him inside than today when I did the reverse
3. he was totally safe

so on balance it was a good move. What wasn’t a good move was that I was very stressed, wound up and upset by the point I put him outside and should ideally have done so calmer.

how on earth is any of that a ‘wind up’?

If your child calmed down after you screamed OUUUT at them and shut them out of the house all the more reason to radically change how you’re parenting, that’s an attachment disorder in the making

I'm confused as to the layout of your house. You went from the shower totally naked to put your child outside (what would have happened if someone had walked past, couldn't you have grabbed a towel?), you could also see him through the patio doors but went and got dressed so presumably you couldn't actually see him. You don't have neighbours but people walk past which is why you couldn't be the one to go outside. So whilst you were getting dressed, someone could have easily just picked your son up and walked off with him or he could have wandered off himself. Highly unlikely someone taking him, but it does happen. You also don't have anywhere safe to pop your son inside, that's not good. Leaving a four and a two year old on their own, even for a very short time to have a shower isn't great to be honest. Do you have anyone to support you, so you can have a shower when you have someone around to watch the little ones?

Right 😂 nothing to do with change of scene, fresh air and change of toys? I rather think nursery would have noticed if he had attachment disorder! It’s quite a serious condition!

@SquidgyPudge it’s just the difference between briefly opening a door and standing stark naked and soaking wet somewhere, isn’t it? We don’t get a lot of people going past but occasionally runners or dog walkers will go by.

Of course I normally would have grabbed a towel but I really, genuinely was nearly in tears and nearly losing it at this point and I couldn’t even think straight, I’m not great with 5am wake ups or with repeated toddler screaming and I’ve had both for what feels like months now.

I do think maybe some people are forgetting what two year olds (especially older ones close to 3) are actually like; they can open doors, climb gates and are fairly physically able. It’s not a just turned one year old you can pop in a playpen.

A child of that age, outside alone, would prompt a SS investigation. Mention it to the teacher of your four year old. Also to the Nursery.

I have a toddler who has had a week of similar tantrums (although just approaching 2) and I am broken, so just solidarity. I find it so overwhelmingly stressful and it’s showing me I have no reserves to call from to deal with it.

No, if wouldn’t.

It is a really horrible phase. I have to admit I am always a bit lost when people talk about toddlers as the best years of their lives: worst of mine by far!

I do seem to remember it getting easier at around the three and a half mark.

The thing that worries me about this thread is that you don’t want to take on board reasons why it’s not a good idea.

Put the toddler somewhere safe like a playpen (get one) whilst you go into another room for a couple of minutes to cool down - fine.

Put the toddler outside which is not a controlled environment with the purpose of not being able to see or hear them at all - not fine. Because it’s dangerous.

You said you could still hear muffled screams with the earplugs - that’s the level you should be going for - something to dampen the sound so it’s not so overwhelming but so that you can still hear them and respond if a. The noise suddenly stops or b. Takes on a different and more urgent tone.

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing it isn’t that don’t want to take them on board, it’s just that no one has actually given me a reason, a real reason, why it isn’t a good idea. It’s very much ‘it’s the wrong thing to do, YOU should go out’ (even though that upset him more) ‘it will be reported to social services’ (no it won’t) and so on.

Genuinely, if even one person had been able to say ‘this is a bad idea because of the following’ and it was an actual reason, not something invented, then that would be fine. As it is, honestly, and without wishing to sound ungracious, they haven’t.

I don't necessarily think it was the right thing to do, but I do understand getting to the end of your tether and having to do SOMETHING before you go nuclear. I know I've made some dubious parenting decisions in the past, but when the storm is over, I do realise it and tell myself I'll do better in the future and to get something in place.
I know you said you didn't get on with Loop ear plugs, the ones they generally recommend for parents don't fully block out all noise, but they do take the edge off and I cope better with them in. I don't like not being completely unable to hear them though.

I also know from previous experience that if this were to happen regularly, and somebody is noticing, SS may well be called. The neighbours said I was locking my son out of the house and he was alone and unsupervised in the garden, even when he was crying. The silly fuckers just couldn't see me sitting in the garden. DS is severely autistic and can be laughing and happy one minute, and sobbing the next, then happy again a few minutes later.
So you know how it really was, but if you keep repeating it, and somebody is noticing, they could draw their own conclusions and call SS. "2 year old child screaming constantly for a couple of hours is then chucked outside on his own, and prevented from going back indoors. Can't see that there is a parent out there with him, so he's alone and distressed, I'll have to report it".