To put toddler outside so I can calm down

[brokendownagain26]

My 2 yo has been screaming at me all morning resulting in me being late, very flustered and stressed. I stayed patient until I didn’t and lost it, put him outside so I couldn’t hear the screams. But I’m just so fucked off

you need to learn self-regulation skills. How scary for a toddler who is distressed to be shouted at and locked out of the house. You’re the grown up, you need to be able to stay safe even when you’re getting stressed. Get some loop earplugs for the noise and overstimulation, I find they do help.

I think you need to get a playpen that you can put him in safely when you need to, and some ear defenders for yourself to dampen the noise a bit.Outside doesn’t seem to me like a safe space to put a toddler.

You don’t want to create a system where you can’t hear him at all as you always need to be able to hear if there’s an emergency. Just to dampen it down enough that you can think.

Then just put some clothes on quickly and you’re good to go.

Getting out of the house generally does help!

Expect a visit From SS if you do that. I’d report that tbh

a toddler in a garden?

I don’t claim it was the best method of dealing with it (although I am hard pushed to know what was given that the screaming had been ongoing on and off for three hours and my issue was I needed it to stop so I could do what I needed to do to STOP the screams!) but it is hardly social services, we don’t live in the middle of the m62!

Shutting them in the garden screaming? yes, say the truth what you did. Yes I would report a neighbour locking her child in the garden whilst they scream.

Bit early though, what about the neighbours?

I mean it’s not ideal but if he was safe there and dressed adequately it might give him a bit of shock factor to snap out of it. Your poor neighbours though- 5.15 start and then him
outside too!
Is he unwell or having communication issues? Is this normal or a one off? Maybe you could do with some parenting support suggestions or courses to speak to other mums in similar situations? Are you a lone parent?

Toddler could mean 13m or 2.5yrs

You are the adult and you need to manage the situation.

Off the top of my head...

Disposable earplugs are £4/£5 on amazon for 50 pairs i used them a lot when the crying got too much. I could stay woth my baby and comfort them while not going insane.

Get on fb markplace, gumtree, free cycle or local buying and selling WA group and buy yourself a collapsible play pen.
I used one virtually everyone for 3yr across 3 kids so I could get ready without being molested.

Outdoors alone isnt great as the neighbours will be listening to it and may either through concern or malice report you to social services which is a headache no one needs...

No neighbours.just to be clear there are French doors at the back: he could see me and I could see him and it did actually calm him down although unfortunately the screaming started again when I brought him back in.

I do need a better way of managing these moments it’s just very difficult when the standard put them somewhere safe doesn’t work as they follow you and anyway you can still hear the screaming.

@SalmonOnFinnCrisp i tried those ear plugs, they are absolutely useless. No idea what they are meant to do but I could hear muffled screams as opposed to just screams which personally didn’t help at all!

I am the adult and was very close to breaking completely which is why I needed to get him somewhere I couldn’t hear or see and I have said his age already.

As long as you could see him, I think it's fine to chuck him in the garden while you have a few minutes without the yelling.

He’s not screaming for no reason OP. I hate the assumption that 2 year olds just scream and there’s nothing you can do about it. If it’s going on for hours you need to get better at figuring out and responding to the need underneath the behaviour early on. Honestly a toddler often just needs “you’re upset because you wanted to have x, I understand, mummy’s here, let’s have a cuddle, we will be ok” and let them be the ones to end the cuddle when they’re ready.

What sparked the screaming off that early? It obviously won't help you now, but thinking about it might help you head off a repeat performance. Was he hungry, wet, generally demanding attention, stressed (as much as a toddler can be stressed), something else specific?

.

You need to do the adulting here. If they’re screaming they have a need. Cuddle ? Sleep? Food? Drink ? Milk? Tired ? Cold/hot? Coming down with something? Teeth?
you need to regulate with them and help them calm down not feed the chaos.
you cannot shout at a toddler and lock them outside just for having big feelings. That must’ve been terrifying for them.
you need to work on yourself.
our job is to provide calm not join their chaos.
remember they’re not giving you a hard time they’re having a hard time. (I’m a mum of three small boys, I say this to myself a lot!)
organise breaks for yourself, send kids to nursery for a break, give to husband or if you have any family for an hour.

@Middletoleft so I was trying to do packed lunch for him and he kept dragging me somewhere and saying to sit down. I was nice but firm (‘mummy will in a minute, first lunch then sit there’) didn’t work, kept running in, crying, whining, trying to drag me off.

then the 4 year old woke up and they were arguing about something, every time I went back to sort the lunches I had to go into the lounge because of screams.

finally finished the lunches and screams started again because was trying to put a pair of shoes on that don’t fit (ready to go to someone on Vinted) calmed him down and went in the shower and all the way through the shower just stood at the bottom of the stairs screaming, I’ve no idea what about but it was that which tipped me over the edge already late and stressed!

they have a need if only it was that simple! Anyway thanks all. Will aim to do better next time 😩

I agree, you leave him in a safe room
YOU got outside. It takes 20 seconds to throw a dress or a tshirt and pants.

Nothing wrong with needing to breathe. It doesn't make you a bad parent, just a human one. Don't kick him out in the garden though.

oh please

kids can be little sh** sometimes. Maybe they are tired, maybe they have a reason but they also need to learn it's not an acceptable way to behave.

organise breaks for yourself
literally what the OP did, but it would be better if SHE was the one in the garden

I can still hear them screaming if they are in the house though so that’s pointless and they follow me anyway
So let's disturbed the neighbours so you don't get disrupted, nice!

Fair enough if we have neighbours but we don’t, it’s a house sort of on its own.

I think when you have a 2 year old they can seem very big and we can expect a lot of them. But when your children are older or you do not have children a 2 year old is a very tiny tiny person/baby. It would concern me to see a disregulated 2 year old locked outside and when you are resorting to this I think you could benefit from some support with your parenting.

Does your 2 year old often get to this point? Can you pin point what is causing the screaming? I would invest in some noise cancelling headphones for these situations.

I used to shut myself in the loo sometimes when I just got so overwhelmed I was going to lose it, I remember sitting on the loo staring at the wall zoned out with my toddler DSs banging on the door and screaming. They're teens now, I promise it gets better!!

I think you probably know that it should have been you in the garden (in a dressing gown or whatever), rather than your DS though. Are you on your own? Anyone you can call to take over for a bit? I'd come over if you were my friend and rang me at the end of your tether.

@Xiaoxiong the problem was I was dripping wet and naked haha. We are on our own in the house but equally people sometimes walk past. Could see toddler at all times.

Problem is it’s one of those where one feeds the other. Toddler is screaming for a toy: I can’t think where toy might be because of the screaming, toddler screams more, I get more and more overwhelmed and then I end up yelling like hell and i was trying not to get to that place!

If SS deemed this important enough to come out for they’d talk to op, assess the situation, the house (bedroom conditions etc for the dc to make sure their needs are being met) and go from there.
SS are not the devil to be feared, they can/want/exist to help families.
Chances are that if they did come they would try and support dc going forwards if they warranted it, communicate with school etc.