To wonder about 50/50

[fiftyfiftyy]

I know 50/50 gets a lot of negativity on here but I actually think it sounds ideal, AIBU to think im the only mum that would have wanted 50/50 (ex would have never been interested) or are there any other mums that have chosen it? I have only seen negativity about it but surely I can’t be the only one?

If both parents are equally engaged and capable it’s fine. That’s very rarely the case.

It’s great in theory. In practice one parent usually mum gets landed with filling in the gaps/picking up the slack, so they end up doing way more AND getting no child maintenance.

Btw if you wouldnt want it thats fine but I’m just wondering if any other mums have chosen it as I don’t want it full of people saying they'd hate it thats valid but not what I’m asking.

Ideal for you, or ideal for the children…?

Both

I wanted 50:50 when DS was little and hard work and I was obsessed with not being shafted post break-up. Now I would love more.

I would hate to be away from my kids 50% of the time but then I know my husband would too so I would probably have to agree to that if we ever broke up

Im just trying to find out how many mums would have chosen it as there has been countless threads about how many mums hate it.

If your ex wouldn’t have been interested in doing 50% of the parenting how could that have been best for your kids?

Would you like to spend 50% of your time staying in a different house? How often would you like to move between homes?

Obviously we are talking in general.

I did this with mine. 50:50 straight down the line... in fact I was working 24 hours (plus early & late shifts) so he did what would ever help me.

it’s entirely depends on your coparenting relationship, which can significantly change if a one of the two of you get remarried or into a different relationship. Great coparenting relationship is absolutely amazing. I’ve seen people being very happy with 50-50 in the early stages. Post split up when circumstances change unhappy later on when they have no idea where their children were for half the week, what they were doing or even any ability to speak to them. So be careful what you wish for

Could be said for most things tbf 😂 im not talking about cases of abuse of course thats normal to want im asking if any mums DID want it or chose to have it.

I would never have agreed to this. It wasn’t even relevant but even if it was, my children need one home. One address. It’s too confusing for young kids to have to differentiate between their parent's homes. Absolutely nothing to do with money but more stability.

Thats fine but not what im asking but thanks.

Thanks! At least it’s not just me then.

But I think that is exactly the point. You say yourself you might have wanted it but your ex didn’t and generally speaking this appears to be the case that most men do not ask for or suggest 50/50

We do 50/50 at the children’s request and have done for a few years now. It is hard sometimes being away from them but I’ve got used to it now and it gives me chance to meet with friends etc.

It helps that I have a great coparenting relationship with my ex and that we live close to each other. His new wife is also lovely which helps too.

On here it seems every ex wants 50/50 😂 thats why I asked as it seemed mainly men asking for it

I couldn’t imagine a young child not having a permanent home and spending their life being moved between two different locations . It must feel so disruptive and unsettling to not know where you live .
I do imagine it might work well for the parents, hut not for the poor kids involved. .

Oh thats very interesting that they asked for it! How old were they when they asked?

My friend is a teacher and says it’s the worst experience for kids unless it’s a fortnight on, fortnight off which parents never want. Otherwise they’re constantly either in transition, settling down after moving between bases or psyching themselves up to move again. It takes up loads of their emotional bandwidth and affects their learning.

My ex and I are 50:50 and are genuinely friends, we all do stuff together as a family and the burden is shared. Our son has both a strong father and mother figure, and has a great outlook on life, growing up to be a very rounded and empathetic individual despite his parents splitting up, and is doing well at school.

So it works for us, although this might be the exception rather than the rule.

edited once more to add, we live a couple of miles apart in the same town

Do you mean week on week off?