To ask whether it’s a bit hypocritical to want a church service for your funeral when you’re not religious or if it’s perfectly fine?

[RedNerd]

A family member of a close relative of mine has died and his partner wants the local church for the service then on to the crematorium. He wasn’t religious at all (neither is she) so obviously never attended church. From the church’s pov, I’m sure they’d be more than happy to hold the service of a nonbeliever, but to wonder why people chose such a location when the crematorium offers services?

I think it would be very unusual for a non-believer to want to have a service in a mosque or a synagogue or any other place of worship, but some how it doesn’t seem as odd for a non believer to want their loved ones service to be held in a church? My relative is wondering why not just go to the crem under the circumstances and it’s hypocritical to want a church. I suppose they are beautiful buildings!

What does it matter? I didn’t teach my kids to lie - they had no choice in the decisions we made for them in their formative years.

They went to Catholic schools and are atheists. Same as me. I see absolutely no contradiction in that. Their religious education gave them an understanding of Catholicism and its beliefs, which meant that when they decided they didn’t believe, they were making an informed decision rather than simply rejecting something they knew nothing about. I’m really proud they have the courage of their convictions.

Being Catholic simply gave them access to the best primary and secondary schools in our area. There’s an important distinction to be had between choosing a school that teaches a religion, and raising your children to believe that religion is true.

The most sensible comment on here.

You have no idea at all what is in someone's heart when they do it.

They are beautiful, deeply meaningful, sacred buildings rich in history and tradition. That you and your relative don't appreciate that or understand other people's hearts and minds is not, actually important, since you're not being asked to be involved in the plans or make the decisions.

You will never understand why people might choose this path because you are entirely materialistic and non spiritual. So instead of fishing for responses that will applaud you for attempting to diminish the meaning for others, just don't worry about it.

I mean, humanists have a belief system too. Just because someone isn't religious does not mean they are in line with humanist beliefs.

It's not what I'd personally want but I think whatever the person/family would want, is up to them.

I even know an self proclaimed atheist family holding the DF's funeral in the cathedral. Not sure why, I didn't know anyone could do that or if there was criteria. Only because I think of royalty etc having funerals in cathedrals but I've also known 'normal people' have weddings in cathedrals too. So must be possible.

I thought this - because the Church of England is the established church, they should offer funeral or wedding services to anyone who asks (if they can be legally married, obviously.) It seems odd to me that you would choose it, especially for a wedding, if you're not a church-goer, but if people want to, I'm not part of the clergy to decide.

I'm going to a church funeral next week for someone from a non-church family, which I find a little odd, but it's probably easier to arrange than balancing all the vicars who were family friends and involved in my father's funeral...

Majority of Europe is (post)christian, after a long centuries of intertwining of religious and cultural aspects.
It is hardly surprising that this enmeshment partially survives, especially at kind of ritual moments in life.

Honestly, I wouldn't mind if my family wanted to give me a church funeral despite my lifelong atheism. It's a family tradition, and church buildings are beautiful. I'd want any funeral service to be in a space with that kind of calm atmosphere, one that insists you slow down and sit in the experience; I've always visited churches and cathedrals because I love the architecture and the cool, dimly-lit stone interiors contrasted by warm lighting and stained glass. If there were another option that provided that same ambience I'd be happier with that than a church, but I can't think of any off the top of my head.

I think it’s pretty normal to want a culturally relevant ritual even if you don’t embrace the religious meaning of it. For some
it will also be important to their family if not to them.

I’m religious and I’m glad if people choose to join our community at these times even if it’s not for them otherwise. All are welcome.

Hedging their bets is my thought.

They may be a non-believer in life, but what if they're mistaken?

Also, many people just don't realise there are other options for death 'services' either? And it can still be seen as the 'correct' way to do things.

This could be the funeral I attended recently.

Athiest with church service. It was a beautiful service. They mentioned his atheism (acknowledged, recognised) but grief has no religion and a celebration of the life of an amazing human being has no religion, so that quickly gave way to all the wonderful things he had done for the community with the church at the centre of that community that he had loved so much.

She 100% made the right choice. It made a hard difficult day one I can remember with love.

Another obscure response. “Entirely materialistic” so you think people who aren’t religious and have no faith are “materialistic”?

How strange to come to such a conclusion because someone doesn’t believe in god(s) or the like. As people have already explained, community seems to be a large part of why people would chose to celebrate in a church. It would appear that plenty of people don’t follow religion yet still have associations without the need to be religious

Someone has almost certainly said this, but the C of E legally has to conduct a funeral for anyone who lived or died within the parish, regardless of whether the person attended church or had any religious beliefs.

As I understand it, if I (an atheist cradle Catholic foreigner) happened to drop dead while on a hike through the parish of St Dunstan in the Fields, I’d be legally entitled to have a funeral service conducted in the parish church.

This is a lovely post. I am so sorry for your loss.

Do they allow anyone to baptise their kids Catholic without the parents being Catholic?

Not really sure why, but I’m slightly less fussed about funerals than weddings.

My partner and I refused family pressure to have a church wedding, as we don’t believe. We’ve been to several church weddings when it was clear the couple only wanted a church because it looked good or whatever. And also one when the church service seemed incredibly dismissive of the couple and went down a pretty fire and brimstone bible thumping route. The couple were barely mentioned, nor was love outside the context of loving god - and that one was taken by the bride’s uncle!

Not sure why I’m less fussed about church funerals. Perhaps because I find funerals difficult and a bit odd (all a me thing!) and personally I’d rather not have one, though as I’ll be dead, I don’t really mind what my family decides. Whatever works for them. And also it’s organised religion I have an issue with rather than spirituality. Though I’ve never believed in god.

That said, my partner’s family are very religious. My partner not at all. In fact spent his late teens and twenties trying to break away from the religious bit while not losing his parents at the same time. And so I’d been very upset if his family tried to railroad his funeral and do the religious thing they think is needed.

@Awkwardisfunny

What is your reason for wanting rid of comtemporary pagan religions such as Wicca, modern Druidry, modern day Celtic Paganism, Hellenic Paganism, Kemetic Paganism, etc?

I don't consider those to be religions. People can do whatever they want privately, but I don't want public life impacted. No one is getting a day off work because of "satan's birthday" - but if you can hear how stupid that sounds, you can hear how silly it sounds to demand employers and public services cater to any 'religious' fantasies. Beliefs are fantasies and I shouldn't have to plan my life around them and neither should anyone else, including employers.

@Awkwardisfunny

I don't consider those to be religions.

In that case you're incorrect on that - all of them are religions and they identify themselves as such. They also don't impact the lives or non-believers or public life.

I can't be incorrect on my opinion. I don't consider them religions and it's my right to have a belief 😅😂. Great - if you're not impacting me in public life, then carry on.

@Awkwardisfunny

It's a fact that they are identified as religions. It would be like if you said you didn't consider Islam or Hinduism to be religions - that's just not correct, as both are established as such.

In the same way, contemporary Pagan faiths are established religions (more modern ones, yes.)

Opinions can certainly be factually incorrect. I could say it's my opinion that Spain isn't a country - I'd be entitled to believe that, but I'd be incorrect.

I am curious, though - if you don't consider Wicca, Druidry, Celtic Paganism, Hellenic Paganism and Kemetic Paganism to be religions - what exactly do you consider them to be?

What do you consider them to be?

I already said, I'll let you read the posts 😊

I get you - it is a fact in society / law etc. I just don't personally consider them religions. It's a private viewpoint. I have already said what I consider religion / those labels you listed, to be.