To ask whether it’s a bit hypocritical to want a church service for your funeral when you’re not religious or if it’s perfectly fine?

[RedNerd]

A family member of a close relative of mine has died and his partner wants the local church for the service then on to the crematorium. He wasn’t religious at all (neither is she) so obviously never attended church. From the church’s pov, I’m sure they’d be more than happy to hold the service of a nonbeliever, but to wonder why people chose such a location when the crematorium offers services?

I think it would be very unusual for a non-believer to want to have a service in a mosque or a synagogue or any other place of worship, but some how it doesn’t seem as odd for a non believer to want their loved ones service to be held in a church? My relative is wondering why not just go to the crem under the circumstances and it’s hypocritical to want a church. I suppose they are beautiful buildings!

I’m pretty sure this being OK is specifically address in the gospels! That might be death bed conversions but I guess this is Ok by extension.

You are being completely unreasonable.

Having the service at a crematorium doesn't mean you have to be cremated. We had a (religious) funeral for one family member at a crematorium - it wasn't bleak at all, it was a very peaceful ceremony room overlooking a wood - and they were then buried in a woodland cemetery elsewhere, unconnected to the crematorium.

Its not unusual for non believers to have religious services. I grow up as a Muslim and several non practicing family members have had all the religious services involved. I have clearly stated I don't want religious service but realistically if my parents fo them im dead and have no control over it. Also so.etines people do what has always been done.

It’s fine. The Church knows that for many people it is there for high days, holidays and moments of deep need. People who haven’t been to church since childhood can receive the last rites and be buried in a church graveyard. Sometimes coming face to face with one’s mortality crystallised what people hold dear.

How many people who marry in church are actually not Christians? And yes, I do find it hypocritical. Personally I wanted to mean my wedding vows so that didn't mean making promises to a god that neither of us believe in.

Also, if you are in England, because we are a constitutionally Christian country, every content of the country is in a parish and there is a vicar who anyone can go to, regardless of conviction. They will also be available to all of their parishioners. That includes offering them a funeral service.

We had a church service for my brother because his son (my nephew, then a child) wanted him to be buried there so he could visit him regularly. My brother hadn't been religious but the vicar was more than happy to accommodate.

The Church of England doesn’t require regular Church going in the way that the Catholic Church does, because the Eucharist is seen as symbolic, not real. My husband finds church services terribly boring, so rarely goes, but he does the book keeping for the parish.

It's normal that people use the local church for "hatch, match and dispatch" even if they never go at other times. It's a cultural thing, and a good thing, IMO. I find a totally non-religious "service" at a crem a bit soulless and odd. Death is a mystery, and it's nice to reflect on that in a building where people have attended funerals for hundreds of years, if you're lucky enough to have an old traditional church locally.

I think it's weird yes, to want a Church Service for your funeral when you're not religious.

Like when people get married in Church when they've never set foot in a Church in 20 years or more (or have only been a handful of times,) and are are not Churchgoers.

And when people have their children Christened when they don't go to Church, and are not a practicing Christian. Weird.

Basically people using the Church for pretty wedding photos, when they don't give a stuff about Jesus/God really annoys me.

Don't ask me to explain why, because I'm not going to.

.

Aren't your vows to each other? If there is no God, how can you make vows to him/her? You're only saying the vows before him, not to him (is my understanding. IDK, I didn't get married in church).

But I suppose it would be a bit odd to have a religious service if you don't believe.

Parish churches have the same tax breaks as the local mosque or any other charitable organisation. Historic assets fund some of the national costs but local churches have to cover their own costs. I am the treasurer for our local parish church and I assure you there is no income coming from the government or from the national church. We fund it all ourselves with help of our lovely village.

I am a church goer and I don't think it's hypocritical for people or their families to want a church funeral. Church is for anyone who wants so I don't see the problem.

My dad wasn't a church goer but he did want a Christian funeral. I am very grateful that my pastor was willing to do that for him.

@AgentPidge The vows in church obviously involve God and making vows "in the presence of God" and "according to God's holy law."
How can you genuinely make those vows if you don't believe in God's existence?
Same reason I didn't have my children christened.

For a lot of people it's because they want to be buried in the church graveyard alongside family, but they can only do this if they have a church funeral service.

Being a busybody is not a particularly pleasant trait. It's not your business why anybody chooses whatever they choose for their funeral.

I think you'd find that there might be more Jewish or Muslim people who do the same thing, than you think. Especially in places where those are the majority religion

Religious observance is a lot more than just a philosophical system. It's also about a set of practices, community, a way to deal with parts of our lives that are most full of meaning. So it's not surprising people are looking for those things in times of great personal loss.

That being said, I think sometimes people who see no need to be involved should be aware these places only exist because other people do the work to make that happen.

Your post is just an assumption of a dead persons inner beliefs. You can never fully know where their heart was - regardless of how close you are to them. You do not know their inner workings or the reasoning for a church service (sentimental place? Beautiful Environment? To support living loved ones?) Regardless, the church should hold open arms for ‘sinners and believers’. The church exists to serve the community and those drawn to the community. A church is nothing without people.

When there is no religious following, I think an alternative like humanist should be looked at (will be my husband’s case. Atheist), or in my case, will be spiritual (Pagan).

I’ve attended Christian funerals and as lovely as they are, I did note that I didn’t learn a lot about the person who died. Most space taken up was about Jesus/hymns. That’s fine if that’s what was wanted, but personally - in my opinion it’s a celebration of the life that was lived on Earth of the human who (again my opinion) should be the main focus of the service.

I have to disagree with this. Choosing the music the person loved, having personal quotes, poems and words about said individual…slideshows of photos or a video is far from soulless.

Teen DB's funeral was held in the local church because DPs were Catholic, plus the local crem only seated 100 mourners. There were around 500 in attendance and the church was delighted with the collection.
I can't imagine (judging from passing by), that it's rarely more than a quarter full during Sunday service.

OP, think about it please!
If they were really really agnostic, then the concept of a church funeral would not cross their minds.
They may not go to church or talk about God, or pray publically, or display any other signs. But they do care about God. Deep inside.
It is none of your business which funeral is to be had. The priest will certainly be happy to carry out the service, as they do have a full on understanding of the above!

I’m not sure they would?

they would hold a memorial perhaps. But I don’t think they would conduct a religious based ceremony for someone who was not of that faith. Part of the service is by nature religious.

a church would hold it, but again it will be a religious ceremony.

I don’t think a non religious ceremony would be led by a priest either.

I’ve seen a humanist ceremony in our local church, at the request of the deceased and indeed a wedding. But there was no minister. Again, like others have said the building means a great deal to the community.

So if it is a religious ceremony in the church that must be what the person wanted.

You do have a gift for being offensive OP
Beautiful buildings....
Meaningful, try meaningful!
None of your business what this family chose for their final goodbye.