AIBU to expect my partner to contribute more to household bills?

[CalmAquaEagle]

Hello, new poster to this. Background is...

Partner and I both work. I pay bills, house, cars, heat, light, taxes. I then pay most food and days out as family and most kids clubs. I don't pay for kids clothes/presents/holiday and partner travel to work.

Things being getting more expensive now so I have given up some hobbies as couldn't afford. Partner hasn't, and has quite an expensive creative hobby thats also good for mental health.

Partner was giving me £100 per month to help with bills, but has said can't anymore as has 35k of debt spent on some holiday but alot of creative stuff and we went through a period where we would see around 10-15 parcels from online auction sites a day.

Partner spends alot of time at creative hobby or researching it, I do most of domestic stuff now and get up early at weekend to make headway on that as work gets in way in week.

Friends say they have always paid a share of income as a rough percentage towards bills, not just one person getting, that's before sharing holiday expense.

Is this normal? Feel kinda trapped, nothing to show for 35k debt and everything gone up so much of late feels like I am cutting back but everything the same for partner.

Is this a joke? He pays £100 a month towards bills and is moaning about that. If he earns £38k and you earn £80k then he should pay one third and you pay two thirds. His debt is not your responsibility and money for hobbies comes after bills.

How does that explain the huge debt that they’ve built up though?

So deliberately and disingenuously vague. The op can’t possibly actually want help, as they’d give relevant info if they did. So it’s just a goady post with probable omissions. For example, who does the childcare and what ages are the children? It could easily be that the one contributing £100 (and kids stuff and holidays) is actually also doing the parenting. So essentially a sahp.

Don’t know.
but do know that the op is so vague, so clearly one sided, that the whole thing is meaningless.

Who does the house belong to?

That’s what I thought too when I read the op. Because the whole thing is so batshit no one would have to ask if it’s reasonable that one person doesn’t contribute. So the reasonable step from that is to assume they do contribute but in a different way and that was deliberately missed from the ops posts.

Suggest selling the hobby stuff towards the debt then ask when he’s moving out if he’s no longer contributing towards his expenses. bills housing and food should be in proportion of income for both of you whatever is left should be added to savings and towards your children no way he’s thinking you will support him and his children financially so he can play at a hobby. Tell hi to grow up or get out! Thankfully you said partner and not husband so at least it’s not joint debt. Lock your credit down for now too. Add all housing costs over month tell him what his percentage is and he pays or moves out he’s taking your kids quality of life and financial stability away for his hobby selfish pig.

Eh? This isn't a partner, he's a fucking chancer who earns £38k and doesn't financially contribute to your home. This is highly unattractive, he wants you to raise him. Kick this twat out and allow him to stand on his own two toddler feet. How do women actually put up with this bullshit? It truely astounds me how many stories are out there about partnership incompetence and how many put up with it.

He's not really contributing anything, is he? Other than a mounting debt. Is your home in joint names? As you call him a partner I assume you're not married so separating from him should be easier. Either he starts immediately taking on a fair share of the household and financial burden or chuck him out.

Why would you tolerate this?
You would be better off separating.
You are being used.

It's funny how even without pronouns, everyone assumes the useless partner is a man. I think it's pretty obvious OP is the man and the useless partner is a woman. It's possible for a woman to be lazy and selfish too you know 😆

If and when OP does clarify and confirm he's the man, suddenly there'll be reasons why the formerly-assumed 'cocklodger' and 'selfish pig' can't contribute fairly.

Not sure why this is confusing. Sit down got through all joint bills and joint debt and split it either 50/50 or proportionally to your wage (whatever you prefer) the way you do it sounds messy and like he’s getting a free ride. We just have all joint money in our house, none of this mine and yours we are a team. It can’t go on with you paying for everything and doing everything in the house- what is he contributing at all?

Haha. Exactly.

The DP sounds awful OP, sounds like he brings nothing to the relationship, literally.

Girl you are being taken for an absolute ride. Pay him your share of the holiday debt and gtfo

Do you own the house and don’t want your partner to have any claim, is that why your partner doesn’t contribute?
Generally it’s fairer to contribute a pro-rata amount based on earnings after tax.
Since it’s a family home your partner might have a claim anyway so they may as well contribute.

The creative hobby costs too much and needs to go. It can be replaced by a job to pay off the debt.

This is ridiculous! Get a joint account for ALL joint bills/expenses - this includes gifts clothes etc for kids (assuming they’re joint kids) and holidays. Then put in equal portions according to your income.
same with chores and childcare - you both do equal amounts unless one of you works far more hours than the other.
Or get rid of this so called “partner” who sounds utterly useless.
What you have going on right now is wildly unfair, I can’t even get my head around why you’ve ever let this happen.