AIBU to tell my son to delay resigning from commercial law?

[MyOchreOtter]

AIBU to have told my 25 year old son not to hand in his notice just yet?
He graduated from Cambridge with a land economy degree, did one year of law conversion and went straight into a commercial firm in London after whilst completing his SQE, he has completed that and is now a newly qualified solicitor, he's on 86k says money doesn't even make him happy, he thought it would.

This weekend he came home and told us he feels like he has "wasted his life". He was quite down about it and kept saying that he should have done something different years ago. The thing is, he has always been very driven. He did well at school, worked incredibly hard to get into Cambridge and then found himself in another very competitive environment there. I think he has got used to measuring himself by how well he is doing, so now that he doesn't particularly enjoy his job he seems to see the whole thing as a failure. I said to him that if he genuinely doesn't want to be a solicitor then he absolutely shouldn't stay in a career he hates, but I don't think he should resign this week while he's feeling like this. I suggested he take some annual leave, come home for a bit if he wants to, and spend a few months thinking about what he actually wants rather than making a decision because he feels he has somehow failed. He said I was just trying to talk him into staying in law and that I don't understand how unhappy he is. His dad thinks I should stop interfering and simply tell him that if he wants to leave, leave. I am torn because I don't want to push him into law, but equally I think there is a difference between genuinely wanting a different career and being disappointed that the career you worked towards isn't making you happy. He is only 25 and keeps talking as though he has missed his chance to do anything else and that his life is over, its barely started at 25. I have told him we will support him if he wants to change direction, including coming home for a while, but I'm wondering whether we have actually made things too easy for him over the years and should now let him work this out himself. Our daughter on the other hand is loving life, graduated from Durham this year read Theology and absolutely loved it has no interest in working in the corporate world as she puts it, she works as a cheesemonger twice a week and is currently doing a masters at UCL in something so 'silly' but regardless we want her to be happy so we are happy to pay for her masters.

AIBU to ask him to slow down and think before quitting, or should I just leave him to make his own decision?

It sounds like he has always had a goal to work towards which kept him motivated and interested. Now he doesn't have that reward to work towards he is probably feeling lost. My sister is like this, she always needs a metaphorical mountain to climb or she gets very depressed. She achieved partnership in her law firm and got depressed very quickly. She had the grind of a pressured job with nothing to work towards and she didn't recognise or know what to do with the hole gap that was left. It took a while for her to work it out but know she tempers that knowledge with always having something on the go, either challenges at work that actually achieve something or in her personal life. She ran a marathon one year having never run in her life before so she had 8 months of training with an end goal.
You know your son and hopefully he has grown up to be self aware but if this is the case it's unlikely that taking time out in the traditional sense will actually help.
I agree that career coaching and mental health support are a good idea.

I think it would be unwise to resign in the current climate. Like you, I'd encourage him to take some time off to get some distance from work and think about other options.

If money isn’t an issue maybe say to him if he wants a break you’ll support him like you are supporting daughter so he is able to keep up with financial commitments with his girlfriend like his rent.
I interviewed a young male solicitor that had stellar academics, been head boy annd captain of rugby team and large firm tc and then a gap shortly after qualification. He’d clearly had some type of nervous breakdown. He reached out to me a few months later and was working in local govt.

Does his firm do sabbaticals? My friend did a sabbatical from. City law firms any spent a year travelling and the summer in Ibiza, it gives the option to go back but time to decide. I would ask him to look into that.

I think you gave sound advice. It’s a lot easier to quit than to find a new job. Some decisions are a one way street.

It may be the wrong job for him, but that is a decision best made calmly not in crisis.

He needs to make decisions he is happy with in the long run, not just the moment. Working and being an adult is hard. Some of his unhappiness may be that it is the wrong job, some of it may exist in any job.

If he thinks he might want to stay in the future, he needs to be careful what he says to his firm. Sorry but graduates don’t get paid that sort of money to be unsure or to be taking time out. Although the firm will have policies in place to support mental wellbeing, realistically he needs to be careful and might do better to talk to a careers coach or counsellor outside of work.

Is he interested in other areas of law? Given his first degree, something like land law? Assuming his firm doesn’t cover it). He’s still a desirable candidate for other firms … or is he totally off law? (Not withstanding culture is set by the lead partner in his team. Which might be the issue).

@MyOchreOtter, has he mentioned what he thinks he could have done differently that wouldn’t have felt like wasting his life?

Hey - fellow solicitor here albeit in a different area of practice.

maybe the issue is the firm? If he moves to a regional firm for a lower salary (I’d say he’d be offered about £60k here, then they won’t demand as much of his time etc.

I never work over my 37 hours, have a reasonable workload etc.

The other issue maybe the area of practice? The area he practices in could be changed. He could approach his current firm and see if he could change his area of practice?
theres loads of different ones

Commercial law is prestigious but definitely not for everyone. I can totally see his point that it’s just money driven

There are lots of other options within the law that focus on more altruistic areas or just interesting! And I’m sure he’d be able to get lots of other jobs with his cv

he’s old enough to make his own decision. It seems reasonable. I think you should support him in it @MyOchreOtter

Just picking up on your post about how he thought qualifying would feel like a big achievement and it hasn’t has he been to his Law Society Admission ceremony. It’s a lovely ceremony and very much celebrates the achievement. He should be very proud of qualifying and celebrate that and then whatever next is his choice. As the ceremony is optional many young men especially don’t bother.
Govt are actively recruiting Planning Inspectors. Obviously lower pay but wfh and site visits. His first degree and fact he’s qualified solicitor would make him a good candidate.

I don’t understand why your DS thinks there isn’t a next mountain to climb.
I’m not a lawyer but I know what mountain junior lawyers have to climb..,,,, The path to partnership.
I think you need to find what it is that he really doesn’t like. It could be his boss and that is fairly easy to fix by getting a job elsewhere.
If he’s only been there a very short time it’s much better to try and fix what’s bothering him him.

Where did I say that he cant change direction? Or insinuate that he's wrong for hating his job.

Very torn here.

Commercial law in London is hell on toast and he will feel commoditised.

But sticking it out for a while will open more doors outside private practice. I do a very niche in-house role, am a company director and on the SLT. I practise very little law now (but I do mentor/supervise others). It’s a very different game when you’re senior (I.e. the pigeon rather than the statue!)

Tell him to apply for this https://recruitmentservices.applicationtrack.com/vx/mobile-0/appcentre-a18/brand-0/candidate/so/pm/1/pl/4/opp/3834-Lawyer-Ref-3834/en-GB