AIBU to find maternity leave painfully boring and miss work? I miss deadlines and the adrenaline

[ThatGreatPlumBiscuit]

AIBU to be completely bored out of my mind on maternity leave? I’m a mum of two, eldest is 6 and youngest is 6 months, and I’m honestly counting down the days until I go back to work in November. DH had 3 months off when DS2 was born and is now back 4 days a week, with one weekday off which we spend together while DS1 is at school. Today was my turn to walk DS1 to school. I got up, did 30 mins on the rowing machine, had a shower, got dressed and put a bit of makeup on. DS1 got himself ready, DS2 woke up, I bathed and fed him while DS1 had breakfast, then we walked to school. Me and the baby walked around for a bit, queued for a coffee, sat in a cafe while I read my book, then he got a bit fussy so we walked around the park. We came home, he fell asleep and now I’m sitting here thinking “what am I actually going to do for the rest of the day?” 😂 I know this sounds incredibly privileged and I am very aware of that. We have supportive grandparents, I’m not stuck in the house, I go to baby groups, see friends, visit family, read, exercise etc. I even have time to do an online course. But I have so much time and I am finding it unbelievably boring. I forgot how bored I was on my first maternity leave.

I had exactly the same experience with DS1 and went back to work when he was 6 months because I missed it. I’ve worked in the same fairly intense, male-dominated field for around 20 years and I think I’m just used to being busy and having something difficult to get my teeth into. When I went back after DS1 I got up to speed very quickly and was promoted, which probably says something about how much I missed having that part of my brain switched on. I love my children, honestly, but I just don’t particularly enjoy the baby stage. My 6 year old is completely different because he’s a little person now. We can have proper conversations, he has opinions, makes jokes, understands sarcasm and I genuinely love spending time with him. With the baby it’s basically feeding, nappy, bath, walk, “who’s a clever boy!” while he makes noises at me 😂 I’ve joined a mum group and everyone is lovely but I sometimes feel like I’m from another planet because I don’t seem to have the same interests or worries as some of the other mums. I’m thinking of going back 2 days a week in November because I just need something else to occupy my brain. I read 4 books last week, I have too much time. I feel slightly ridiculous complaining about having too much free time when I have a healthy baby and a very fortunate life, but there we are. AIBU? Is anyone else had a similar experience of genuinely bored by maternity leave/baby life?

You have to be a good wifey and bake some buns 😂😂😂😂

Or! Do what I did and went back to work earlier 😀

Is there anything you always wanted to do but never had time for? I know you've got your 6-year-old, but you sound like you've got a partner as well, so maybe you can take yourself from the baby off for the occasional week to go and explore somewhere? Oh you could redecorate?

The joy of the young baby phase (though you are very much at the tail end of this!), is that baby can just tag along with you, so do things that interest you!

Just go back to full-time work asap ? If you’re missing it so much. Not everyone loves mat leave and that’s ok.

Go back to work. It's ok to not love being at home with children.

Just make DH do the second half of Mat leave, who on earth isn’t he? Definitely his turn.

Yeah I was never a fan of the baby stage either. Found it all a bit samey and didn’t want to curl up on the sofa watch Netflix and eat biscuits. I went back to work early both times with mine.

Funnily enough though now they are both School age I’m massively coming into my own and enjoying it way more!

Well go back to work then?

I did a diploma through the OU when I was on my second mat leave to combat the boredom.

If you can go back 2 days a week then just to do it, OP. It's absolutely okay to not enjoy this stage. Do whatever you feel is right for you and your family.

Go back to work sooner then?

Yeh I planned to be a stay at home parent when we had our third. I left work and everything. I did 5 months before I applied for a job. I went part time which was the best of both worlds.

Your baby is six months old …. Paid maternity leave not so long ago was three months and we could take six months off ( with the last three months being unpaid) … it was usual to return to work within six months. Go back to work if this is what you want.

I went back to work early both times. Maternity leave is not something I look back on with much fondness at all.

Go out! I was out nearly every day, National trust properties, gardens, long walks in the countryside, often with my Mum. I played the latest AC game, read lots of books, learned to crochet. I was honestly never bored.

Honestly? IMHO babies are dull as shit. A tad extreme maybe but I, like you, found the whole experience boring and draining. I didn't feel like myself at all during maternity leave. I rediscovered myself when I returned to work. Of course, we're not allowed to voice this controversial viewpoint. It's obvious from the looks I receive when I do that it is very much frowned upon so I can well understand why you have chosen an anonymous forum to tell your story but I know you and I are not alone in feeling this way.

My hairdresser came back after 6 weeks! She couldn’t stand Mat leave!

I went back (3 days a week) a month and a half earlier than planned after my first. It was so nice to sit on the tube and in the office and not be 'mummy' for a while!

Being at home is not for everyone. I found it easier second time, which was just as well as I got made redundant so I was at home for 18 months but being able to drive by then made life much easier.

I'm jealous of your chill baby! I have no time for anything, he always needs me, even sleep is an interactive process. It's boring and demanding at the same time but I'm still exceedingly grateful that I'm not having to juggle work as well just yet (and I love my job). If it's not for you, go back to work.

Loved every second of it. Though I think there is something to be said for having all of your babies close together, if you can.

So go back to work? Not sure you enjoy difficult things as much as you claim to, because it’s not that difficult working this one out

I’ve heard so many people the same thing so it’s definitely normal… I’m at home and I have to say I’m envious you get so much time to read with a 6yr old and baby. I only have one who is 6 months and if I’m not breastfeeding, introducing solids, cooking dinner or washing them I’m catching up on messages during his naps… but he only sleeps right next to me and if I move a page he will wake up

I think when you're used to - and enjoy - working out of the home in a high pressure job, then being at home all day is dull. Not everyone thrives on hobbies and activities that are home based. And that's fine.

Either go back to work or do something for yourself. Is there any training or CPD you could do?

Older mums will remember when you actually only got 6 months maternity leave and that's when we went back to work. Just go back to work if you are not enjoying it and if you're happy with childcare arrangements. Or do an extra qualification or something.
(May i ask, is the fact you work in a male dominated environment pertinent? It just struck me that it was an unusual detail to include otherwise)

I loved maternity leave but I think it depends on your personality type. I like my own company i don't ever get bored and i am happy to sit in the afternoon and watch netflix. But if you're the sort off person who likes to be on the go all the time then I can understand why you're bored

I love being at work but I also loved being a SAHM. I revised a novel I had started many years ago when I was on maternity leave with dc1 and it was published during my maternity leave with dc2. I had another 2 published before my youngest child started infants school.

I still benefit from that but am also back at work full time as my dc both young adults now.