AIBU to find maternity leave painfully boring and miss work? I miss deadlines and the adrenaline

[ThatGreatPlumBiscuit]

AIBU to be completely bored out of my mind on maternity leave? I’m a mum of two, eldest is 6 and youngest is 6 months, and I’m honestly counting down the days until I go back to work in November. DH had 3 months off when DS2 was born and is now back 4 days a week, with one weekday off which we spend together while DS1 is at school. Today was my turn to walk DS1 to school. I got up, did 30 mins on the rowing machine, had a shower, got dressed and put a bit of makeup on. DS1 got himself ready, DS2 woke up, I bathed and fed him while DS1 had breakfast, then we walked to school. Me and the baby walked around for a bit, queued for a coffee, sat in a cafe while I read my book, then he got a bit fussy so we walked around the park. We came home, he fell asleep and now I’m sitting here thinking “what am I actually going to do for the rest of the day?” 😂 I know this sounds incredibly privileged and I am very aware of that. We have supportive grandparents, I’m not stuck in the house, I go to baby groups, see friends, visit family, read, exercise etc. I even have time to do an online course. But I have so much time and I am finding it unbelievably boring. I forgot how bored I was on my first maternity leave.

I had exactly the same experience with DS1 and went back to work when he was 6 months because I missed it. I’ve worked in the same fairly intense, male-dominated field for around 20 years and I think I’m just used to being busy and having something difficult to get my teeth into. When I went back after DS1 I got up to speed very quickly and was promoted, which probably says something about how much I missed having that part of my brain switched on. I love my children, honestly, but I just don’t particularly enjoy the baby stage. My 6 year old is completely different because he’s a little person now. We can have proper conversations, he has opinions, makes jokes, understands sarcasm and I genuinely love spending time with him. With the baby it’s basically feeding, nappy, bath, walk, “who’s a clever boy!” while he makes noises at me 😂 I’ve joined a mum group and everyone is lovely but I sometimes feel like I’m from another planet because I don’t seem to have the same interests or worries as some of the other mums. I’m thinking of going back 2 days a week in November because I just need something else to occupy my brain. I read 4 books last week, I have too much time. I feel slightly ridiculous complaining about having too much free time when I have a healthy baby and a very fortunate life, but there we are. AIBU? Is anyone else had a similar experience of genuinely bored by maternity leave/baby life?

In all honesty, i can't relate in the slightest.

Go back to work and find a Nanny or nursery.

TBH it sounded like your posts were an attempt to ‘put down’ babies who do need entertaining, as they’re not as ‘curious’ as yours.
My babies were interested in all sorts of things, but engagement with humans, specifically their main caregiver, is also extremely important.

Then you completely misread the tone. It was a response to someone who asked how anyone had free time with babies. It detailed how I had free time, as a result of my babies temperaments, and detailed how not all babies are like that, but some are. I gave no opinion either way. Unlike your own post which said ‘I’d feel pretty bad if I’d sat mine in a bouncer’ which was a (completely failed, I’m well aware I’m a good parent, probably the thing I’ve been best at in my life) deliberate attempt to make someone you don’t know feel bad about their parenting.

Sounds like you have a very easy baby. Congratulations and just go back to work then. I don't see the issue.

I was forced to go back to work at 6 months. DS woke up every 1-2 hours and developed extreme separation anxiety. He also had ongoing medical issues so going back to work was hell.

I'll be honest, I think I would have gladly put my baby in his bouncer watching the washing machine for a bit if it got me a bit of peace and quiet but he'd scream if I wasn't holding him for longer than about 10 minutes!

That sounds so tough. Parents have such vastly different experiences!

The only thing I find crazy is your DH took three months off when your second child was born after what you went through with the first.

why?

why did he take that at the start. What on earth did. He do?

It was 16 weeks mat leave i got. Nurseries took babies from three months old 25 years ago.
go back to work. If you get paid fullpay for the whole six monthss then hire a day nanny and go on some courses or day conferences.

Same!

At 6 months mine were crawling. I couldn’t put them down anywhere without supervision. The thought of reading or baking is absolutely hilarious! I used to love baking but I didn’t get any done for about 18 months.

We went to baby groups and met up with friends. Yes there was the odd day of boredom when they were tiny. But with baby2 you’ve got the school run and all their clubs after school etc so days are busy and only 9.30-2.30 to fill.

My favourite age was about 1-3. Lots of days out exploring places. Making the most of them being free and going out with no queues to places that were packed at the weekends.

My maternity leaves were many years ago and I loved them, but had to go back when my eldest was 16 weeks old-the maternity packages were crap then! Why don’t you just go back full time now if you hate it so much?

Love the baby stage but set up a business by six weeks and started retraining by ten weeks. Managed to be a SAHM and to run business and second contracted role all at the same time. It was the allotment that was a challenge too far. I dare you…

Baking was tricky when mobile, but I did lots in the first few weeks and months. Baby was happy as having cuddles in the sling and I baked.amd did whatever I fancied. Great memories.

I was bored to tears during my first maternity leave; we only got 6 months in those days and it didn’t seem worth starting things that I couldn’t keep up. By the time DC2 came along 2 years later, I had developed a massive appreciation of doing nothing and really wasn’t looking forward to going back. Fortunately I was made redundant 8 months later! We had also acquired Sky TV so I had more than 4 channels to watch. So many more options these days, as well as 12 month’s maternity meaning it’s worth starting groups etc.

What four books did you read?

The first few weeks (and months) I was barely awake 🤣🤣
I did try a sling but she didn’t really like it. I did spend a lot of time watching box sets!

I feel the opposite and have loved being out the corporate treadmill for a while. It’s the benefits like being outside in the fresh air most of the day, walking with the pram, making new friendships, away from screens and deadlines . I love the baby phase and there’s no judgement from me either way, i get it’s not for everyone. I’d get some great childcare in place OP and go back if I were you

Of course you're not being unreasonable. Babies are very boring, I agree. I enjoyed the time off work though, the coffees, pottering around as I pleased. But if you don't, that's fine. Go back to work and be happy!

Indeed, you're a bad mum if you leave your child in a bouncer watching the clothes in the washing machine to go around. You should instead go to a 'baby sensory' class where you wave cloths..I mean special sensory scarves around. Then you can also meet mothers who actually enjoy that kind of stuff and you have nothing in common with. 😂

I enjoyed my mat leaves but always felt when I went back to work (part time until youngest started school) that I was returning to my real life
Work has always been a large part of my identity

I was deadly bored too, mum & baby groups really weren't for me, and one small healthy baby actually takes up very little time.

It was summer so I bought a baby backpack thing and we walked the ridgeway over a couple of months. DS got used to having his bum changed in the sunshine on the side of a field, while watching combine harvesters and kestrels. It was lovely. 😎

Harder to do with two though. Is there a project you can do for a few months? Or something you can teach yourself?

I hated maternity leave and went back to work early.

I think both can be true: I loved and hated maternity leave: I loved being with my baby and getting to know her but found the endless rotation of domestic drudgery and singing wind the bobbin up three times a day three times a week and obsessing over feeding and sleep schedules a bit mind numbing.

Surely its like anything else: you get some good from it and find other things tedious?

People are very quick to use maternity leave as some sort of benchmark of character: you either have to love every minute and diss people who don’t as bad mothers or you are desperate to get back to work.

Its rarely that black and white. You can be a clever person who loves mat leave or a dull one who is desperate to go to work. Or vice versa.

Why do women beat themselves up over their response to things they can’t control?

Just go back to work? 🤷‍♀️

Agreed, it isn’t for me either. I hated the baby groups too, the mums just wanted to sit chatting about their baby constantly and I wanted to do anything but! Your whole existence becomes the baby and you lose your identity away from this then you go to a group filled with women only willing to discuss babies. I don’t often do the school run now thanks to working hours but whenever I do I find the mums just discussing their kids and school. Couldn’t think of anything worse.

During my first mat leave i planned the most ridiculously extravagant wedding and during the second I moved heaven and earth to get us out of rented accommodation and into our first home. In retrospect I clearly needed a project.