AIBU to find maternity leave painfully boring and miss work? I miss deadlines and the adrenaline

[ThatGreatPlumBiscuit]

AIBU to be completely bored out of my mind on maternity leave? I’m a mum of two, eldest is 6 and youngest is 6 months, and I’m honestly counting down the days until I go back to work in November. DH had 3 months off when DS2 was born and is now back 4 days a week, with one weekday off which we spend together while DS1 is at school. Today was my turn to walk DS1 to school. I got up, did 30 mins on the rowing machine, had a shower, got dressed and put a bit of makeup on. DS1 got himself ready, DS2 woke up, I bathed and fed him while DS1 had breakfast, then we walked to school. Me and the baby walked around for a bit, queued for a coffee, sat in a cafe while I read my book, then he got a bit fussy so we walked around the park. We came home, he fell asleep and now I’m sitting here thinking “what am I actually going to do for the rest of the day?” 😂 I know this sounds incredibly privileged and I am very aware of that. We have supportive grandparents, I’m not stuck in the house, I go to baby groups, see friends, visit family, read, exercise etc. I even have time to do an online course. But I have so much time and I am finding it unbelievably boring. I forgot how bored I was on my first maternity leave.

I had exactly the same experience with DS1 and went back to work when he was 6 months because I missed it. I’ve worked in the same fairly intense, male-dominated field for around 20 years and I think I’m just used to being busy and having something difficult to get my teeth into. When I went back after DS1 I got up to speed very quickly and was promoted, which probably says something about how much I missed having that part of my brain switched on. I love my children, honestly, but I just don’t particularly enjoy the baby stage. My 6 year old is completely different because he’s a little person now. We can have proper conversations, he has opinions, makes jokes, understands sarcasm and I genuinely love spending time with him. With the baby it’s basically feeding, nappy, bath, walk, “who’s a clever boy!” while he makes noises at me 😂 I’ve joined a mum group and everyone is lovely but I sometimes feel like I’m from another planet because I don’t seem to have the same interests or worries as some of the other mums. I’m thinking of going back 2 days a week in November because I just need something else to occupy my brain. I read 4 books last week, I have too much time. I feel slightly ridiculous complaining about having too much free time when I have a healthy baby and a very fortunate life, but there we are. AIBU? Is anyone else had a similar experience of genuinely bored by maternity leave/baby life?

This was me too. I went back early as I just couldn't stand the lack of challenge and mental stimulation. I'm not cut out to be a housewife!

It's great you enjoy your job so much, but eventually you'll retire and need other things that you enjoy. There must be something else you don't find boring that isn't work.

I loved it. I had like minded professional mates and we hung out the whole time, outings, play dates, exhibitions and I spent time with family too. I did know someone who hated it too, work is still very much her thing! She moved to New York in the end so she could work some more. You never need to retire in the US, you can keep working forever on boards etc!

Or find something which pushes the same buttons and gives the same feelings of being at work.

Work is not the be all and end all, I am often quite suspicious of people who are "bored" at home and can't possibly think of anything they could do other than go back to work. There are more possibilities than ever for getting your teeth into all sorts of things. I mean, go back to work if you want. But it's a bit unimaginative to think that's all there is to life.

I went on maternity leave in 2001 and never went back 🤣

I wish I had a career I liked though, it might have been different all those years ago.

We’re all different I guess.

(I do two hours a week bookkeeping and hate every second).

You read 4 books last week?!

I guess your baby sleeps a lot! Or you have help

Just go back to work no one will really care or give it a second thought

If you absolutely love your job, go back to it. Do you have childcare lined up already?

It sounds like you have a chill baby, so personally I would make the most of this time and think of some things that you want to get out and do while you’ve got this time and your baby is so easy to carry around. Or jobs around the house, or like you said a part time course. Try cooking something new. A new hobby? Couch to 5k? Long walks nearby? Go and visit people who live a bit further away?

I’m a stay at home mum (by accident at first), and to start with I struggled and missed work. Not particularly the job but the routine and the company, but now we’re in a nice routine that works for us, I love it and don’t want to go back now 😂.

Just do whatever you think is best and makes you happy.

Only boring people get bored 😉

I went back after six weeks. Being stuck at home with a baby all day was not good for my sanity. Once the nanny started, it was much better for all of us.

Can’t you think of anything more exciting to do than work?

You could travel, visit people who live far away, start a side hustle business, train for a marathon (treadmill or running buggy), get super fit, grow vegetables, write a book, learn piano,

Are you planning more kids? If not then this could be the last time you have off work as an extended period for a long time - make the most of it somehow?

Although 2 days a week is absolutely fine as well, if that’s what you want. Are you going FT eventually? If you can somehow balance an earlier return with reduced hours for longer I’d probably do that.

We’re all built differently. I’m on maternity leave and want to go back to work because work is easier 😅

I would embrace Covid era and embrace learning something like a language or photography or content creation or cooking skills or do up the house with gardening diy projects decluttering selling online etc

I too found maternity leave harder and I had a very difficult and stressful job at the time. I think it depends entirely on your baby. Maternity leave was utterly brutal for me.

I loved being off work, but then I had a baby who didn't sleep brilliantly at night and I wouldn't have had the physical or mental energy for work. I imagine it depends on your job and if you enjoy the work / like your colleagues/ feel it's how you want to spend your time.

Do you not have anything in your life that you enjoy other than work? Hobbies, learning new skills, academic pursuits, leisure or social activities?

It’s ok there’s no shade.

The Patriarchy loves to preach to us that when we have babies ‘instinct’ takes over and we find our babies fascinating.

This is mendacious sh*t made up by men who have never changed a nappy. Spiders have instincts humans have brains.

Some human women find their children endlessly exciting, which is fine. Others love our kids just as much but need some intellectual stimulation. Which is also fine.

Glad we cleared that up.

Not unreasonable, but personally I loved having time with my children and I have other things that make me happy other than work so I loved having time to do those to. I really enjoy my job but I would change my life if it became the thing I really wanted to do over other things.

In your shoes, I’d be making use of the supportive grandparents or a crèche and I’d be putting in some hours at the gym, because that’s where I get my adrenaline. But if you get your adrenaline from work, then just go back to work!

I loved my mat leaves but would have been bored with the day you described. Can you get out and do a bit more- doesn’t have to be baby focused. all the things you’ve described are quite domestic- seeing friends and family or baby groups.

Only a month to go until November so probably no time to start a major project. Maybe bring your start forward?

Personally id stay home and carry on reading books...!

I went back at 6 months. It felt right, and im glad I did because then 6 months later, covid hit and I was back at home again. If that had been continuous with my maternity leave id have gone insane

How can.you be bored. Surely there's loads to do. Plan and prepare. Hobbies.

Go back full time OP! Earlier if you can. What you feel is totally valid.

Stuck at home sounds horrible. It was your choice to have a baby.

I don't necessarily disagree with your overall point but humans do have instincts and spiders do have brains. Humans are ultimately just quite sophisticated animals.

Lots of women have a biological urge to have babies in the first place and then to care for them. It makes sense really otherwise we would be in trouble as a species. These instincts aren't universal though or equally strongly felt amongst everyone. There is natural variation.