I have a friend who I see a couple of times a month at most, both mums and we both work, myself I work full time. She is autistic and often very centred around any issues she has come up with, a sudden and imaginary illness, a person who suddenly hates her at work etc.
My own daughter has SEND needs, and I often find when I contact her hoping to offload, as she often does with me for hours at a time, the conversation results in her oddly having the same exact issues with her children, neither of which have SEND. Over the years, I have just put this down to her wishing to relate in some way, and have learned not to call upon her for support.
She is married and has a really hands-on, dedicated husband; he does a lot around the house, as is right, and for their children, again as is right. I have my daughter every day, apart from one weekend a month due to work commitments. Due to this reason, I have one day off in the week per month. I started this job just after Christmas, and happened to mention I was having a day off in the week once a month, with this she took a mental note and kept messaging, asking if it was my day off yet.
The day off came, I was actually looking forward to having a day to myself, but then she called saying she didn’t feel well and she needed a hand. When I got there, she actually seemed well enough and just wanted to catch up. I was a bit miffed but didn’t react. She asked the following month however, I had a hospital appointment that day so wasn’t available.
She’s asked every month since, and on the occasion I have met her, it has literally been her picking holes about where we meet up because she gets too flustered to pick somewhere. I then sit for hours and listen to her going on about imaginary illnesses she has, the kids have, her husband has, how the doctor won’t take her seriously.Anything I raise is spoken about briefly and it’s back to her ailments. After the last time, I’ve actually lied and said I was on overtime, as I’m mentally drained by the time I leave her.
She messaged on Friday, asking what day off I have next month. I still haven’t responded. She has messaged again tonight, but will often go days without responding to me. I don’t want to keep lying, but she is extremely sensitive and will perceive my decline to meet as a personal attack. I have literally no free time. Ever. This day off was going to be for me to do something for myself or catch up at home, read a book, something just for myself. Instead she wants to meet and for me to sit like a plant and listen to her complain.
As I can’t really address the issue fully, what would you say/do? Being mindful to not cause her upset or spoil a friendship. She is a really lovely girl, unfortunately though due to her autism, the friendship is often one sided and can be demanding to her own needs. I find after hours of reassuring her that the new illness she has is nothing serious, or the complaints she’s put in about the school system, or whatever else she has come up with, is actually starting to impact my mood.