AIBU to tell my daughter to report a flatmate's mother?

[Boxingshibes]

Dd went to university a couple of weeks ago. She is setting in well and likes her flatmates.
Unfortunately there seems to be a problem with one of them. She is an international student and her mum came over to help settle her in, all fine.
BUT
The mum is still there, sleeping in the same room as the daughter.
The rest of them are getting increasingly annoyed as she's just there and as she doesn't speak any English it's difficult to ask what her plans are.
When dd moved in her contract said that she wasn't allowed any overnight guests to stay more than 2 consecutive nights.
Its been 2 weeks!
I've told them to go to student housing/ welfare and say something. Maybe they can do something?
Surely at the very least it's a safety issue if there was a fire or something as this woman isn't supposed to be there?
The rest of them dont want to get this girl and her mum into trouble but if the mums visa runs out surely that's worse?
I know I can't do anything but how do I get through to dd?

Don’t be ridiculous. Students are not meant to bring a parent along to live with them! It’s a fire safety issue because if there’s a fire and they evacuate they have to account for people (which is why if students have someone staying over night they’re supposed to register this with the accommodation team)

It's the choice of international students to study internationally. It is incumbent on them to learn and understand the social norms and laws of the country to which they are travelling. Any difficulties connected to being a distance from family are for that student and their family to consider, ahead of making the decision.

No one else should be impacted. They are issues for the student and their family, alone, to resolve however so they wish, without inconveniencing others (unless they have their / the correct permissions).

The reality is that for many students studying in their country of birth, they are, likewise, a long way from home and unable to nip back for a cooked meal. Someone from Cornwall studying at Durham, for example, would need to take a very long / expensive journey to get home.

They should be. Both of my kids had to let the accommodation office know if someone was staying over (at different universities)

It's not easy at all - now that I have uni aged/young adult children I cannot believe what I have put my own poor parents through!

However, the fact it is difficult can't be helped and the mother's behaviour is off the scale unacceptable. Two weeks in the girls' flat, with interfering in the kitchen and shouting at them is very different from - for example - staying overnight before an early flight in the morning or otherwise moving into a separate accommodation but being close by for a couple of weeks.

OP is well within her rights to support her DD, even in a practical way, if that is what the DD wants. It actually doesn't sound like it is but if it comes to that the OP should not feel bad helping.

I actually think it might be better for the harmony of the girls in the flat long-term if a third party did this anyway.

because the uni knows the students are there but not the mother. Have you really never done a fire drill anywhere you've worked or heard of fire safety rules?

You don't know that. Visitors are allowed to be here at least 90 days and she has only been here 2-3 weeks. OP makes no mention of her working or trying to work or do anything other than settle her child into uni.

Hugely interesting thank you for linking it.

Good for you for encouraging them to sort it out themselves. You sound like a great mum

I think the situation is appalling. However the standard UK tourist visa is for 6 months. Chinese, who form the largest cohort of international students, are usually eligible for this visa.

And this is totally fine - but not whilst staying in student accommodation

Don't be so goady. They will have a register if who lives there, they wouldnt be searching for this woman in the case of a fire obviously as you well know. 🙄

Yes, the contract will be important to this.

It depends on the accommodation. For student halls it would usually be that the occupancy depends also on enrolment status and possibly full-time course status for the named student allocated that room and shared use of the amenities for the 3 terms. If a private renting agreement, then that is different, but it can have big council tax implications so a lot of landlords discourage students/non students from renting together.

If it's a student hall, there would usually be CCTV around the building and similar security provision (which can include the cleaners and so on, who may service the spaces). If so, patterns may be picked up eventually, so reporting before that would be the fairest thing for the occupants of that flat.

This is fascinating OP. I feel for your DD but look on the bright side - in a couple of years she’ll have a great story to tell about a Chinese helicopter mum living in her student hall 😅. Please update us how this goes. Fingers crossed for your DD and friends

My niece was in a uni flat about 8-9 years ago and all her flatmates were Chinese. They only spoke to each other (in Chinese) and socialised together. My niece was totally isolated and miserable.

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Not sure how the mother can be deported given that she will be on a six-month visa and has only breached a tenancy agreement, not any actual laws.

ETA: and it's not her who's breached the tenancy agreement, it's her daughter.

Don't be ridiculous. She arrived in the UK two weeks ago. Absurd

Has anyone even thought the woman MIGHT not actually be the girls mother?

They only have her word for it, from what I have read. Really, none of them actually know where, or who either, of these women are or what the hell is going on. It could be completely innocent but it could also be something really sinister.

This needs reporting now to the uni to deal with. If it was my daughter, I'd be ringing the university myself and say a random stranger is living with my daughter! . And i'm no 'helicopter mum' but this whole situation at best is inappropriate, but at worst..... just imagine what the hell could be happening here?!

I am surprised. I did my undergrad and my masters (the latter only three years ago) alongside international students, all of whom had some, even limited, English. Talk about a shit situation for everyone involved.

Me too. It’s ridiculous.

Sorry? Do you think the daughter just wandered into a random uni and just launched herself into the nearest room? You have to go through a process to book and pay for accommodation at universities. You don't just turn up. Would you be saying this if they weren't Chinese?

No the mum should not be there but that doesn't mean anything sinister is going on.

Maybe its different now but I used to work in student welfare for halls of residence and there were only a handful of very specific issues that we could discuss with parents if they called up, and this wouldn't have been one of them.

In the first instance the flatmates should report it to whoever deals with student, welfare in their hall, as the continued presence of the mother will be negatively impacting the daughter's ability to settle into uni life.

I said this a few days ago the woman could be anyone. OP please report this to the university now. Your daughter has just started there all the posts about her being an adult etc. are silly. It is hard enough moving away from home and starting a new life at Uni without having to deal with the process of evicting someone who shouldn't be there.

How would they know if there was a fire who was in the flat potentially trapped. That is why it is a fire risk. Stop trying to make it more than it is. They have right to say if the rules are being broken.