AIBU to tell my daughter to report a flatmate's mother?

[Boxingshibes]

Dd went to university a couple of weeks ago. She is setting in well and likes her flatmates.
Unfortunately there seems to be a problem with one of them. She is an international student and her mum came over to help settle her in, all fine.
BUT
The mum is still there, sleeping in the same room as the daughter.
The rest of them are getting increasingly annoyed as she's just there and as she doesn't speak any English it's difficult to ask what her plans are.
When dd moved in her contract said that she wasn't allowed any overnight guests to stay more than 2 consecutive nights.
Its been 2 weeks!
I've told them to go to student housing/ welfare and say something. Maybe they can do something?
Surely at the very least it's a safety issue if there was a fire or something as this woman isn't supposed to be there?
The rest of them dont want to get this girl and her mum into trouble but if the mums visa runs out surely that's worse?
I know I can't do anything but how do I get through to dd?

Doesn't sound like she intends on moving out at all.

Halls are expensive enough without having someone's controlling mum freeloading & ruining the experience. Time to report it, 2 weeks was more than enough time to be understanding. If the mother wants to stay longer to see her daughter settling in then she needs to book a hotel

@BrokenWingsCantFlyYou’re absolutely right. These young people are paying a fortune for their accommodation and the experience shouldn’t be spoiled by some weird controlling woman.

Think you will be surprised to hear that 100s if not 1000s come here 'to study' after their families had saved for years to send them, only to find within weeks of arriving they claim asylum, bring their family over and never return!

My daughters friend is a recruiter who travels abroad recruiting for Universities, some of the stories she tells will make your blood boil. UK is such a soft touch it's unbelievable what goes on that no one talks about.

That's odd. Because I used to visit asylum seekers in detention and the process of someone getting asylum takes a lot more than weeks.

My Nephew dis the same job, he resigned in the end because he was so appalled at what was happening.

@Nev.

I'll just add this here. Years before I knew him, DH travelled to the Soviet Union to watch the Olympics. He was in Moscow, Leningrad, Kiev and Minsk. He was only there as a tourist, and spoke no Russian.

He told me that one time he was walking through Red Square wearing his kilt. A large older Russian gentleman came up to him, grinned, gave him a bear hug, picked him up, put him down and said something then walked away after another grin.

DH was convinced that it was someone who had met Scots during the war.

Anyway, he had very fond memories of his holiday in Russia: "People are people."

His one regret was that we never managed to go back there on holiday together: we had plans for my 60th birthday but illness and lockdown scuppered that.

If you don't want to be that mum then send me the details and i bloody well will be that mum that way you can truthfully say you didn't call.

that's nonsense. are they all checking in their overnight guests on a fire register?

There are people who sneak partners into student accommodation for a year and flatmates put up with it. One side effect of people paying 1k plus for a room

My daughters friend is a recruiter who travels abroad recruiting for Universities, some of the stories she tells will make your blood boil. UK is such a soft touch it's unbelievable what goes on that no one talks about

Another recruiter here (before retirement) and know exactly where you're coming from about the differing cultural attitudes - often a pleasure and an opportunity to learn, but also a considerable challenge at times

As PPs have said the parental involvement can be strong, even to the point of expecting to accompany the family to things which simply aren't appropriate, and for some there's always the fallback of crying racism if something doesn't suit

My own favourite was sending trainees to a residential course and finding that family members had not just tagged along but expected meals and services too, but I'm sure others have even better examples

Where are you going with this comment? Are you suggesting the OPs DD puts up with this? I think we all accept partners and friends will stay in the halls occasionally but moving in is completely different.

I'm confused how people can just apparently move into student accommodation without paying and nobody objects. Why are none of the other students complaining? Is the mother - who is using the same living space as them - offering to cover some of their rent in exchange?

I agree it is wrong for all of the students.

However the standard UK tourist visa, including for Chinese, is six months.

Where did I say that ?

It’s a breech of the terms of the lease contract conditions and flatmates may be penalised by tacitly condoning it. It may also render their student insurance invalid in the case of theft, esp, as they are knowing allowing people not licensed to reside in the property access to the unit (despite each room being individually lockable). I’d encourage her/flatmates to contact the residents team to explain the issue and the fact they are not sure how to navigate it.

The Family Reunification Scheme for those granted asylum was suspended in Sept 2025.

Now a refugee can only bring family on the usual immigration pathways. They must have a provable minimum income of £29K pa, which students do not, the family members must pass an English test, and the immigration surcharges must be paid for each.

I also agree with @OneFastPinkTraybake that your timeframe was exaggerated, given the previous backlog.

@BurnoutGP This has got to be the craziest thing i've ever read. A boy's father is staying with him in his uni accom. flat with 3 teenage girls? I'd have called the police to get his scrawny ass out of that flat.

Rubbish

As the parent of international students, this sarcastic sort of comment really ticks me off. How easy do you think it is to send your child halfway across the world, to a foreign country?

Of course it's not reasonable for the mother to be staying in the daughter's room, but it's NOT the same as it is for local students. Our kids can't just pop home every holiday and the odd weekend for a nice homecooked meal. It is likely also that the parent is not familiar with the UK and hence more nervous about how her daughter will settle.

Re the initial question, let me put it this way. The student is an adult, and the mum shouldn't need to stay with her. But DD is also an adult, and should be left to sort it out herself.

It’s a pathetic business model to stuff universities with thousands of foreign students who lack any ability to do the course. Everyone knows it. The local university here seems to now be overwhelmingly Chinese students. Vast accommodation blocks have been built seemingly on the promise of a never-ending supply of them.

There was a thread on here a while ago where a poster’s dd had been allocated a flat in London with Chinese students who completely ignored her and she was very unhappy. Inevitably posters were calling her racist and saying she needed to try harder, but they have clearly not experienced this barrier. When I was at university decades ago the Chinese students were not numerous and mixed. The ones now seem less internationally-inclined and much more insular.

This post changes alot. She’s harassing the other flag mates and selling her daughter mixing. She is interfering with their life and I would just tell them to go to student services today and get advice and help

Don't listen to this muppet or the one that suggested telling student housing would be "devious" 🙄

Devious is illegally staying somewhere you are not registered and don't pay! If everyone did the same there would be 12 people in a 6 bed household (or whatever the flat is actually for). Its so not on for any adult to be living with a group of young people, let alone shouting at them and stopping them cooking food in their own home, which they are paying towards and she isnt! As pps said im surethe reactions would be different if it was someone's dad!

They need to complain to student housing asap and keep raising it until she leaves.

Yes, i have known parents of students to occasionally stay in their room for a few nights but they stay under the radar.

It's not a business model. Many Universities are seriously struggling financially at the moment.

Especially in Scotland. They are dependent on foreign studenrs for their survival as the Scottish goverment pays less per student (home students here don't pay fees) than they get from rUK and overseas students.

Edinburgh lecturers are on strike today because of cuts. Dundee Uni almost went bankrupt.