AIBU to ask my sister to stop asking about the housekeeper?

[Backtothey2k]

I have a lovely housekeeper who comes every other day (not weekends). Yes, I know this might seem like a lot to some, but I don’t like cleaning. It is the last thing I want to do when I finish work. I like everything to be done so I can just get on with making dinner and spending time with my family.
Yet, every time my sister calls (we live in different parts of the country), she seems more interested in what my housekeeper has done today rather than me and her nephews. I just do not understand why she is so invested in it.
Would I be rude to ask her to stop asking about what the housekeeper has done? I just want to catch up with my sister, not talk about chores.

Your sister is simply jealous and trying to bring you down !!!!
Ignore it.

So what else does the housekeeper do besides cleaning?

Laundry, changes the beds, ironing, putting clothes away, takes in and puts away the food shop...

Having domestic staff, live in or not, is very common worldwide. In some countries it would be considered very strange not to have one if you’re of the middle or upper classes. A housekeeper and a cleaner have different roles. We have a cleaner and a gardener, my parents have a housekeeper and gardener.

It’s strange to me that some seem to think there’s a moral element to doing things you don’t enjoy, when you can afford not to.

what they do is discussed at interview stage. Mine does all the household things you can think off and some administrative jobs, she organised all our wardrobes, swaps winter clothes to summer clothes and vice versa, does food shop, picks up the kids when I need it, washing, drying ironing.

Are you Princess Kate, living in a mansion, needing a daily housekeeper? If so, tell Pippa to mind her own business. 😉

I teach abroad - recently moved jobs/countries & with my older two dc launched, I took the opportunity to downsize from a rambling family 6 bedroom villa with pool & poolhouse, to a modern 3 bed house.

So, I also downsized from a housekeeper to a cleaner.

Cleaner: cleans. Living room, dining room, kitchen, bedrooms, bathrooms. Doesn’t interfere with wardrobes, laundry (usually - would take it in out of the rain), or anything to do with food. Doesn’t get involved with shopping etc, or care for dc/animals.

Housekeeper:- as above, but also -
• makes all family laundry magically disappear from baskets & re-appear in wardrobes (not always the correct ones).
• In charge of ordering perishable foods eg fruit/veg/dairy, household cleaning stuff, & things like drinking water & gas cylinders
• Sleeps over on request to look after pets/teenagers if householder is away overnight
• Cooks on request (not for me, I like cooking, but most of my friends would expect this a few times a week)
• Regularly cleans unused rooms. Organises larger jobs like sending rugs to be cleaned, plumbing & electrical issues.

So quite a bit more. Not sure how that translates to the UK.

I’m actually enjoying a more streamlined life with one remaining 18yo dc & a modern house - IME the ‘housekeeper’ role expands to fit & you end up with dc who are incapable of picking up their own socks. But for me, that’s the distinction between the roles - a cleaner just cleans, a housekeeper pretty much does everything house related.

Thats what he says. Although he was at boarding school from quite young and didnt live at home as an adult. Whether he never knew at the time or simply doesnt remember now that he knew I dont know.

I found it unbelievable myself. I have asked him about it more than once. When I found out, I was gobsmacked.

Tbh I have told him it seems a very arrogant way to be and when I first found out not going to lie I thought a little less of the family.

He maintains that is just the way it was.

His parents are dead now. His sister lives in the family home. I'll ask my husband if he knows who the current 'help' are.

That’s a cleaner. A housekeeper would run the household. Typically they would be in charge of other staff too. They’d make sure the house is stocked up of food etc, arrange the garden to be done/outside work etc.

It sounds like you have a cleaner.

Are you even sure yourself?

Hopefully also a char lady for the rough?

Tbf the language doesn’t have the same connotations to every ear. I know from living in the UK that it is generally considered a negative term, but it’s often the most direct translation of the neutral and standard terms used in other languages.

I'd also love a housekeeper but I think it's fair enough that your sister and plenty of others from this thread don't really know what one does. To be honest I wasn't sure. I don't know anyone who has one. So perhaps she is curious. Why don't you tell her once, listing the stuff she does, and then she doesn't need to ask again.

Ah, my cleaner does all of these things! But she only comes once a week, so maybe that's also the difference between a housekeeper and a cleaner.

To those who say OP must live in Downton Abbey

I live in a Victorian, slightly shabby semi, and to be honest, I probably could spend AT LEAST 3 hours a day tidying/sorting/cleaning/laundry/ironing

I don’t have time for this so whilst I have a cleaner, the house is never REALLY sparkling and ordered and I very rarely have fresh flowers due to the faff of changing the water in the vases. .

A housekeeper sounds bliss!

That's true.

This! It’s a very weird phenomenon. Morally spending your money on employment which then goes into the local economy is FAR better than buying stuff (often not made in countries with very good employment or welfare law). In many countries it’s considered selfish to hoard money rather than employ people and share the blessing.

Tell your sister you don’t want to talk about that anymore and pointedly don’t answer any more questions.

Are you actually trying to tell me what a housekeeper is 🤣👍. Ok I’ll tell my housekeeper she needs to change her job title because twinklysquid said so. And that even tho she does my shopping list puts my shopping away is home for when my children arrive back from school plus many other things you no etc ( didn’t realise I had to list every job) She is a cleaner because that’s what all cleaners do . Because she doesn’t cook because I like doing it she is a cleaner.

We had housekeepers when I was a child. They worked Monday to Friday and did cleaning and chores likes going to the post office, picking up milk.

My cleaner does all the things your housekeeper does. Maybe “housekeeper” just sounds fancier when she tells people what she does for work 🤷🏼‍♀️

Your sister is just curious what there is for her to do for all those hours.

I had a housekeeper for years. She was wonderful. I was self-employed and worked unpredictable and long hours. I wouldn't have been able to manage without her. She was in her 60s and could run a house and family like nobody's business and didn't take any shit from anyone. She retired 20 years ago and we remain close friends. I would take a bullet for her.

Mrs Bucket, pronounced Bouquet.

Absolutely! The moral element should be the opposite - it is a duty of the upper classes to give employment to the working masses!

Love that most ignored my OP completely and decided to argue and tell me . I don’t have a housekeeper I have a cleaner🤣 mumsnet is crazy place with even crazier ppl. My housekeeper callers her self a housekeeper ( because she is clearly not a cleaner ) .But she could call her self what ever she likes for all I care . But people please check your facts before you try and tell other people what their job is . It’s very strange and please at least look it up before you tell people they are wrong . I now understand why my sis is so invested seems as strangers on the internet feel entitled to tell me what do and don’t have VERY STRANGE

But then she wouldn't be speaking to her sister. If there is a big income disparity that can be hard to bridge. If the sister is curious, envious or pissed off none of that is anything to be ashamed of, and perhaps she is simply just trying to make conversation with OP.