AIBU to feel hurt my husband will not visit my gallery display?

[NewAquaHare]

my Art is being displayed for the first time in a gallery which is 2.5hrs drive away. My husband says it’s too far to go and it’s not his thing anyway. AIBU to be upset by his lack of support? If it was the other way round I’d be excited to go and see it. He says it’s my hobby not his.

Is he always grumpy or would he normally go a few hours away for a day or weekend?

Dh will drive 2 hours for a smoke house. 4 hours to take me sea glass hunting.

Wow congratulations @NewAquaHare I’d come with you if I was in the UK!
He’s an arse. Bet you’re much better than him at all things. Kudos to you xxx

He has one foot out of the relationship already why don't you vote with your feet too ?

Wow that’s awful ! My husband is far from perfect but in a situation like this he would be visiting , promoting , taking family and doing live feeds to show family abroad .
Any chance he is feeling jealous ?

OP, congratulations on being selected. Can I persuade you to reframe this before it's too late? DH sounds pragmatic. He has seen the picture and doesn't want to make a trip to visit. I can see this might not be what you hoped for. However, you must celebrate this. Without him, I would suggest. Do you have friends/relative who would accompany you on a pilgrimage to see your painting in situ? Stay over night, go for dinner, have a nice breakfast in a hotel and then go and visit it the next morning. If my friend invited me to something like this I would be delighted.

I feel sure you have people in your life who can celebrate this with you. Seek them out, take lots of photos, enjoy yourself. Do not let this go unmarked.

My DH is not a massive patron of the arts and having attended a musical as a family once suggested next time he would wait in the foyer with a paper to save his ticket price.

I get living with pragmatic partners. However, if it was really important to me, he would have come. He likes a road trip and we have fun hanging out but I would have needed to tell him I his presence was required. Sometimes I spare him the arts, but occasionally, if DD is performing, I make him attend which he does with good humour. I indulge his interest in war in a similar fashion if I must although sometimes I suggest he might enjoy it more with another accomplice.

I think you need to be responsible for your own joy here though and find a way to celebrate with like minded folk who also love you. Don't let him shape the whole narrative. It's too much for one person to supply all the cheerleading in someone's life and while I think your DH could have done better, I think you need to enjoy this with others. Well done again, by the way.

Well done @NewAquaHare , that's quite the achievement, if I lived closer I'd come and see the exhibition. It's pretty poor when he's asked you to go too his hobbies but he can't be bothered with yours,in future I'd let him go on his own

Congrats OP. He’s being an idiot. Whether it’s a big deal or not is irrelevant. The fact is even if you wanted to travel 2.5hrs as a one off to see somebody else’s work because it’s something you enjoy, I would expect a caring partner to join as a one off. The fact it’s your work and he won’t make the effort makes this somewhat worse.

Congratulations. If you can go by yourself on a Sunday I will meet you there to see it, I’m sure any other local mumsnetters would too. I’m about an hour and a half away but love the coast so a good excuse to go.

My ex would have hated me getting recognition for an achievement, but I think even he would have gone to this.

how does driving 2 hours 30min to look at a picture he’s already seen and then driving home support her

I have to agree with this. It's a 5 hour round trip and he's already seen it.
It's the 5 hours travelling that would put me off, just to see it in situ. No doubt he can see it again when it gets brought home.
I wouldn't expect this of dh and he wouldn't expect it of me. What we 'would' do, however, is go for a posh meal out locally to celebrate the achievement.
The cost of fuel for the round trip will buy a couple of bottles of fizz!!

It’s something I’d go to for someone I vaguely know. I do like galleries and museums though.

You should both be making a special weekend of it with a lovely meal to celebrate your achievement. Something isn't right in your relationship. Hope you have friends and family who are more supportive.

I live in Scarborough and will make an effort to go and see it.
What is the subject and how will I recognise it?

@NewAquaHare I'd say you are justified in feeling disappointed. A partner doesn't have to share your passions, but they should usually want to celebrate your successes. This sounds like one of those occasions.

I'm guessing you're not upset because he doesn't want to go on a 5hr round trip to look at a painting he has already seen. You're upset because he doesn't seem to recognise how important this achievement is to you. That is the part that would hurt me and that is what I would say to him.

Different subject but an old friend and her husband moved 2.5 hrs away from us and he ditched work to become a full time to student in art and photography. At his age it was brave.

When he had his first exhibition, we, as friends, drove all the way up there to visit the exhibition, not to see stuff he had been working on for ages because we had seen it and being honest its not something that appealed to us, but to acknowledge his progress and achievements and to make sure he knew his efforts were valued and had worth.

I admit to having not read all of the posts or further comments by the OP but my first thought on reading this is that the horrible attitude of her husband is that of a typical narcissist! 😤
He doesn't want to go to the gallery because in his warped, mean spirited little mind this would be giving validation to and recognition of his wife's achievement and success and that does not sit well with, or is acceptable to him and makes him feel 'less than' which for a narcissist is crossing the line!! 🙁
I did see a couple of other posts that suggested that this is probably not the first time he has shown this side of himself so possibly the OP is not too surprised, although that does not detract from the fact that she would and should feel pretty much peed off (wanted to use the F word but not sure if allowed on MN?) and very hurt by his lack of support...also he has tried to belittle her even more by making a point of referring to her art as her 'hobby'.😥
Depending on how long they have been together and at what stage the marriage is generally this would be an unforgiveable step too far for me personally...😡

Congratulations! Whilst Scarborough doesn't have an awful lot going for it, you'd have thought he'd make to effort to go see your artwork and find something he wants to do whilst you're there to make a bit of a day of it.

It is selfish of him to be so unenthusiastic about your success. I don’t think the excuses …I’ve seen it already…it’s 2.5 hrs drive…. etc etc matter.
It’s the decision to remove himself from participating in your joy which is the killer. It’s mean spirited and it weakens your faith in him.
The old phrase “it’s nice to be nice” is very true. If he’d said “of course darling let’s make a day of it / a night of it/ a weekend of it….” you would love him for his kindness. Happy marriages are about how kind people are to one another. They’re about how much one is prepared to share life with another. Enjoy your achievement, congratulations on being exhibited.

@NewAquaHare Congratulations! What an awesome achievement!!

I am sorry you are experiencing this. I would be absolutely gutted if my husband would not go.

Is there a friend or family member that could go with you and celebrate, you deserve to do that and will regret not going. Just because he is being a stick in the mud don’t let that stop you or let him take this proud and amazing moment away from you!

When you do go make sure to get a picture of you standing proud next to your work and have it framed so you can remember that special moment! 🤗

Because it would mean a lot to his wife if he went with her. None of us have to understand why she wants her husband to go with her to see it (though it’s very easy to understand why).

It’s part of being in a partnership - lifting each other up, supporting each other and celebrating each other. A five hour round trip is nothing, it can be broken into stages, coffee stop, lunch out, gallery visit, etc.

i could honestly draw a stick man and put it in a gallery 8 hours away and my husband would drive to tell me how amazing it is. That’s what you deserve OP, I’m sorry you aren’t getting it and hope all goes well with the art

Congratulations, OP!

Can you take a friend and spend the night? You could see your painting, have a nice meal, and possibly see another attraction, do some sightseeing or a bit of shopping. The next day, see it a second time, have another nice meal, even spend a good part of the day, if you can.

I would absolutely do this with a friend if I could work it out.

First, congratulations!! I have to say I’d also be disappointed if my DH responded like this. Yes, it’s a bit of a distance but surely you’d make a day of it, go to the gallery, have a lovely lunch and come back. Maybe even have a night in a hotel. It’s a real achievement to be celebrated.

Well done AquaHare that's amazing 🤩 the exhibition looks brilliant.
@NigellasNeck you can look at it here
Link to exhibition information you can scroll through the postcards and newsprints.

I would book myself a nice overnight hotel with an appreciative friend, spend lots of money on dinner ( preferably on his card) and have a lovely time enjoying art. With no mood hoovers to spoil the occasion.
Oh, and ramp up your hobby to include more such shenanigans in the future.
Congratulations on your gallery display!

Congratulations OP! Celebrate your own success and please don't let someone else's lack of support cloud your achievements. It doesn't matter if its Scarborough or New York, you deserve the support of your partner in whatever you do. If they are otherwise great, and have got this one wrong, let it go, but if there's a pattern, time to ask yourself if this is what you're prepared to accept.

Just been reading about it on fb, so exciting @NewAquaHare well done that is a HUGE achievement and you have every right to be proud and excited! I'm just looking at the exhibition online and wondering which one is yours, is it one of the newsprint ones or a postcard?!

My ex-arse of a husband would be like this, any opportunity to rain on my parade...you deserve a much more appreciative fan club xxx