AIBU to feel hurt my husband will not visit my gallery display?

[NewAquaHare]

my Art is being displayed for the first time in a gallery which is 2.5hrs drive away. My husband says it’s too far to go and it’s not his thing anyway. AIBU to be upset by his lack of support? If it was the other way round I’d be excited to go and see it. He says it’s my hobby not his.

It’s part of being in a partnership - lifting each other up, supporting each other and celebrating each other. A five hour round trip is nothing, it can be broken into stages, coffee stop, lunch out, gallery visit, etc

I know what being in a loving supportive partnership is. Been in one for the best part of 35 years.

A five hour round trip can be something or nothing, depending how far you have to drive weekly or monthly, and how much you love or hate driving/travelling and how important it is that you get where you're going.

My dh drove me an 8 hour round trip when my brother was dying. Same for both my parents. To see a picture that he'd seen and would shortly see again? Not so much. As I said in a previous post, my husband would be absolutely thrilled for me in this situation. And he'd take me out for a champagne dinner and make a big fuss of me and I'd appreciate it. I'd completely understand why a 5 hour round trip was unappealing, to see something he'd already seen.

People are different.

I think he is being mean and this attitude is demeaning your talent and ultimately your confidence. I am shocked that you are questioning whether you are being unreasonable and dare to suggest that being in a marriage with someone who treats you this way has contributed to your worry. I can well imagine my ex struggling with my being the centre of attention for once and not able to devote all my time to him. Go for it, dream of being an artist and spend time on art not him. Good luck. PS have you thought of entering next years Royal Academy’s Summer Exhibition. It’s a fantastic opportunity for anyone to enter a piece of work. Look on their website and let us know how you get on.

Congratulations, OP. A brilliant achievement.
I think though that some of us have to accept that our hobbies are just boring for our loved ones. I've been pretty involved with sport since about 2010. My family have been to watch me twice. Most of the competitions are a long drive from anywhere with loads of hanging about and it's quite boring from a spectator perspective unless you're really into it and know what you're looking for. The last one they came to see was a national level event about 10 years ago, it was a massive deal for me to qualify, and Dad fell asleep in his seat. He was really proud of me for getting there, but he didn't get anything at all out of witnessing it. I just tell them they're very welcome, but not expected.

@NewAquaHare I'm sorry but I wouldn't like to go for a 5 hour round trip to see one picture I have already seen. Not even if it was mine or my kids'. I just don't see the point ; I have seen the picture so it's not going to change 🤷‍♀️. But I would have proposed celebrating it with dinner out and I would have told you I'm proud of you.

Gosh I went to see my now exDH play football hundreds of times. In the driving rain stood on sidelines, supporting him. I hate football.

I find your DH’s stance awful unless there’s some massive backstory about your life being your art and that you force it on him day and night.

Ah well done. Thats so shit of him. Do you have a bunch of friends to go with you, have a lunch / overnight stay and make a reall y BIG fuck off celebration out of it. .. and tell that twat hes hurt your feelings while youre at it

My lovely late husband would never come and watch me in theatre plays. At the time I minded a great deal. Now I realise it didn’t really matter. He’d pick me up when it was finished. I now see that He just didn’t ‘get’ it and felt he didn’t know what to say.

Usual Mumsnet double standards. I think we all know what the replies would be like if a man was having a tizzy because his wife wouldn’t drive 2.5 hours to go and peruse his hobby. 🙄

If they are otherwise great, and have got this one wrong, let it go

Exactly this. There is so much more history to be taken into consideration.
Dh would and has done a huge amount in support of me and my family when he didn't reasonably need to. He has supported me, and me him, through many crises. I would completely understand that, having already seen the picture, and would shortly be seeing it again, a 5 hour round trip would seem an excessive demand. But we all have different circumstances, don't we?

Usual Mumsnet double standards. I think we all know what the replies would be like if a man was having a tizzy because his wife wouldn’t drive 2.5 hours to go and peruse his hobby. 🙄

Abso bloody lutely. And it would be 5 hours round trip.

I think once your art is being shown in a gallery, I’d consider it a bit more than just a hobby? Or is it just me? I think that’s why this irks me that he’s being dismissive and it’s the first time you have achieved this, and this is the start to your success. So why would he be so dismissive? It’s a slippery slope, and when you look back at this, you’ll probably never be able to see past it.

I feel really sad for you. This is an amazing achievement (well done!) and any decent partner would be so excited for you. It’s a long drive - so make a weekend of it? Stay overnight? Why isn’t he celebrating you? I really hate this for you. Take someone who deserves it, stay overnight, have a blast and then have a serious think about whether or not this is your person.

You and your h could go, make a day of it or a weekend. Or you could go with a friend?

It’s a real achievement, one definitely worth celebrating!

What a miserable bastard.

Why not make a weekend out of it?

Sometimes you don't feel like it, but you just have to give yourself a kick up the bum and say - this is what life is about! You go to work to pay the bills, keep a roof over your head. But what is the point if that means you can't drum up the energy to go and support your spouses achievement.

Congratulations OP! You have put yourself out there and accomplished something to be proud of.

I’d always drive to support something that my husband was proud of and was important to him and would think any wife who didn’t wasn’t miserable and selfish. Your post is dismissive and ignorant. A tizzy? Hobby? Please.

Do you feel lonely in your marriage OP? X

Is money tight?

If not I'd have been making a weekend of it and booking a night in a Premier inn given it's in a lovely part of the country.

Can you just go yourself? Get the train?

You should see it. You want to see it. Just do it without him.

Gosh I went to see my now exDH play football hundreds of times. In the driving rain stood on sidelines, supporting him. I hate football

See, I can't understand this. I wouldn't have done that. I wouldn't have complained that he was spending time doing it because that's his thing. But it's not my thing. We can have different 'things'

I don't know why women do this, maybe for their children, but not for their spouses.

Congratulations @NewAquaHare . An amazing achievement. My DH is the same zero interest in anything I have done. Saves all his praise for himself 🙄

Thank you all so much for all the messages, there are so many and I appreciate every single one. I’ve cried so many tears and fear it’s made me realise this isn’t a normal or ok response, alongside many other things over the years. Maybe it’s time I accept that and think of how to move forward.

It’s massively taken the shine off it for me sadly, but I am going to go and see it as I don’t want to regret not doing - maybe just me and my daughter (she’s only 12 but has been far more supportive with my art and she’d be excited about it) and I can do it quietly with her. Feel too embarrassed to ask other friends or family to come when even he won’t.

Love to you all, on all perspectives, thank you xx

I hope you and your daughter have a lovely time and I really think you should book an air BnB and have a little trip together. Sending you love and congrats. I wish I was closer - I’d love to see it!

OP you must go for yourself and see it with your own eyes. If you watched dr Who there is an episode where the Doctor brings Van Gogh to see his artwork in a gallery,because he feels the artist should be able to see his art being appreciated. Please go and mentally detach yourself from your husband.

This is a one-off visit to an unusual and unexpected result of a hobby, not hanging around the OP for days months or years while she carries out her art hobby with him watching and waiting.

It is as though the OP has been chosen as a winner. Let’s say the DH had a child graduating, you’d expect him to go to the ceremony. This may not quite be that, but it’s certainly along those lines of ‘special’.

If he does not understand it must be very disturbing for the OP.

He’s an arse! This is a brilliant achievement and totally understandable why it’s so important to you. As someone else said - move 2.5 hours away so he won’t follow you!

Congratulations. Coming to the opening or launch is the least he could do.