AIBU to feel hurt my husband will not visit my gallery display?

[NewAquaHare]

my Art is being displayed for the first time in a gallery which is 2.5hrs drive away. My husband says it’s too far to go and it’s not his thing anyway. AIBU to be upset by his lack of support? If it was the other way round I’d be excited to go and see it. He says it’s my hobby not his.

Well I think he’s a miserable, unsupportive, selfish fecker! If you can’t support your OH and celebrate their achievements with them then what’s the point??! And I don’t think it’s that far!

When I was competing my horse my husband used to get up at 4am to drive hundreds of miles to competitions with a horse that hated him (for no sensible reason), just to support me. And I would do similar for him.

And I don’t understand why people think it makes a difference if it’s only one painting, or whether it’s a small or large gallery. It’s something that your OH has worked hard on, is proud of and is getting recognition. Surely that’s what matters?

There is absolutely zero doubt in my mind that I would make that trip for my DH and that he would do it for me. And probably for something even smaller than that - huge congratulations to you btw!

Not if it were to become a regular occurence, but for a first time, definitely. It's part of being a team to celebrate each other's successes. I had a parent who did expect a lot of attention and support for what was their hobby, so I do get that it can get too much and a bit self-indulgent, but you are a million miles from that point.

What is he going to do with those 5-6 hours that's so much more worthwhile???

I wouldn't break up an otherwise good marriage over this, but it would be a significant item in the "cons" side of any pro-cons list I ever had to make about it...

For me it depends which bit you’re unhappy about. I think YABU to expect him to be as excited about this as you are. But I do think that even if he’s not particularly interested in seeing your art on display, the point is that you are, and it would be nice for him to accompany you so that you had someone with whom to share your delight.

That’s how I’d put it to him too. “I know this doesn’t seem like a big thing to you but it means the world to me. I could go on my own but I’d love it if you would come with me for the ride.”

I’m a writer. My DH doesn’t read my work. He’s not a reader anyway, and not interested in what I write. I know it’s not done through bad intention, he just struggles with it in his own way. I made my piece with it a while ago. However, I know if I asked him to trade for it, for something big, then he would. I wouldn’t expect him to read my book though, he wouldn’t enjoy it so why would I force him? It doesn’t matter much to me if he doesn’t read my stuff anymore. Does your husband enjoy and celebrate your art at home?

I think if your marriage is already struggling then maybe this is part of a much bigger picture.

Can't he consider a road trip and a weekend away where this is one of the activities? Is it that hard to be supportive?

Please don’t miss out @NewAquaHare even if he won’t go.

If it’s on display you have talent and need to keep going! 🖼️ HUUGGGE CONGRATS 🥂💕🤩

I wouldn’t be thrilled but id book a hotel / bnb for the night and make it part of a bigger weekend trip because that’s what you do for someone you love.

I live nearby OP, which is your painting I’ll go and see it ☺️ @NewAquaHare
Why don’t you bring a friend or family and stay over (avoid town centre though!)

If he was invited to play in an exhibition match for a well-known club and it was the first time he'd ever been involved in something so exciting... You can bet that a woman would have her arse handed to her, quite rightly, for being unsupportive.

Well done on your achievement.

Your husband should be proud of you and it's very sad that he is behaving so unsupportively.

A 2.5 hour drive really isn't that far. It's a reasonable distance but this is something special.

Can you go and see the exhibition with a friend or other relative? Make a weekend of it all stay overnight. Scarborough is a nice place to visit and you have Whitby and York fairly close by. Turn it into a mini break and leave your miserable husband at home.

So not only is your artwork on display in a gallery, it was chosen to by other artists!? Fantastic! Well done.

I can absolutely see why you’d feel disappointed in DH’s lack of support.

Congratulations on your achievement.

Well now you know what he thinks of you. Charming.

My DH would make a day trip out for this, even if he had no interest, and I would for him. I’d make a big fuss of his achievement because I love him and I want him to feel great about his achievements. Same for my DC. I’m sorry your DH doesn’t care. I hope he has some strong redeeming features?

Jealous! Even if it's not 'his thing' he should show his support by attending

Really not on! Whether or not it’s his ‘thing’ is immaterial. It’s your thing and part of you, and he married you so it very much should be his ‘thing’ to care about your success. What would happen if you said how hurt you feel by his dismissal of what is a big moment for you?

I’m very sorry that he isn’t supportive, I understand your sentiment but really hope that you don’t in the long run let this ruin the achievement and if you haven’t already you should absolutely go and see it yourself, make a nice solo trip of it, ideally with a night away.

How does he react when you express how hurt you are and that you have done trips for him you wouldn’t choose to yourself? At the very least, stop going to his boring bike events but really this needs more talking / counselling and consideration of what this relationship is and should be as I suspect that this isn’t one selfish act in years of being a perfect husband

not any more, I do hope

Your expectation that he comes and supports you in something which is important to you and which is a significant milestone for you is absolutely not unreasonable. 2.5 hours drive is not too long and you could have made a lovely family day out. It’s the seaside, after all.
I completely understand why you feel so deflated. I hope you have other people in your life who support and champion you and cheer your accomplishments. Well done. Go with a friend and enjoy the experience.

He’s an unsupportive arsehole. Any reasonable DH would have turned this into a lovely getaway weekend to celebrate your amazing achievement with some champagne and a nice dinner as well. People who love each other turn up for each other. Please don’t let this sour your enjoyment of your art.

I find his attitude abhorent if I honest. This is possibly a once in a lifetime achievement for you (you also may have many more, hopefully!) and he has dismissed it because it is a hobby/passion of yours, not his. If my husband couldn't bring himself to show support and solidarity in something that may only happen to me once, I would be questioning who the fuck I married.

Firstly, many congratulations on such a fantastic achievement, OP. We Mumsnetters are proud of you.

Can you go with a friend and make a day of it?

Your DH is being very selfish indeed. I cannot understand his reasoning at all.

I recently sailed 2,000 miles (it's my hobby) and my DH was so proud he drove 3 hours then waited over 4 hours on a pontoon just to get a photo of me coming in to the marina, then drove 3 hours home.

I'm so so sorry you don't have the support you deserve to mark your achievement. You go and celebrate, OP. You are worth it lass.

Edited for spelling.

That’s amazing and you must definitely go and not allow your husband (or basic *** killjoys like this poster you’ve replied to) rob you of an occasion to celebrate yourself and your talents that I’m sure don’t get acknowledged often enough. If you possibly can I would stay over in a hotel, take a friend or just go on your own and make a lovely day of it. Well done and enjoy your achievement.

Absolutely this

I think I’m too pragmatic for Mumsnet sometimes. There are loads of posters saying the OPs husband is not being ‘supportive’ but what does that actually mean in practice. I get that he should encourage her with her art work, so things like tell he he is proud of her and tell her he likes what she does but how does driving 2 hours 30min to look at a picture he’s already seen and then driving home support her. I could understand if she wanted him to attend an event to showcase her work where he would count as one of her supporters but that’s not what she is asking him to do here. It feels more like a test. I’m not getting why it’s so important for the OP to have someone look at the painting in situ.