Stepmum wanting consistent bedtimes and some adult time at weekends?

[Disappointee]

DP and me have just had a blazing argument about the same issue and I’m wondering if I’m being a selfish idiot or whether I’m just asking for normal stuff?

have been with DP for 7 years. We broke up for a 2 month period in 2020 (covid). During that time he slept with other people and ultimately had a child from this. He wasn’t told until DSC was 9 months. We broke up again after this and got back together when DSC was 18 months. It was hard, but I love him, and I love DSC as well. There’s been hard times, with DSC mum, but ultimately I’ve always strived to maintain a sense of calm with everyone for the sake of DSC. DSC is 5.

We have DSC every Friday - Monday. Me and DP work full time. DPs first priority has to be DSC. I do understand that.

However, we are ultimately roommates at this point in time. Our schedules leave very little time in the week for anything remotely intimate, and weekends focus on DSC (as they should).

My issue is that we’ve spoken about the need to maintain intimacy and to be a couple. This weekend, we had a movie night with DSC, theme park today and a visit to my mum and dads for a roast tomorrow (all with DSC). I have zero issue with this - weekends are family time for us.

My issue is that DP said 2 weeks ago that he would see if DSC wanted a sleepover at his ninnies (GP) tonight. DSC was excited and loves ninnie. I said to DP this morning that I’d found a nice place to eat, and we would all go to his mums to drop DSC, wait until he’s asleep and then go out. DP then said he’s forgot to ask his mum. He then rung her and asked if she could mind him tonight - she had plans. Absolutely fine, it was short notice and there’s always next week/another time.

DSC bed time routine starts around 630. Calmer, more relaxing activities, usually a bath and then a bed time story. He is asleep for 715/30.

DP decided to take DSC to the shop at 6 today, didn’t get back until 7. DSC hasn’t had dinner at this point, is overstimulated and no signs of going to sleep. This is a usual occurrence on Saturdays, and he is so exhausted the next day. Bed time drifts to around 830/9.

DP said I’m unreasonable to be slightly annoyed at this because it’s “DSC weekend” and he wants to spend as much time as possible with him. I do get that.

I’m a bit upset that I was mentally preparing for a date night, and now it’s another family night. We usually end up dosing off around 9/930 as the days are so full on!

Aibu to think bedtimes should stay consistent for DSC, to keep him from being exhausted, but also to give us some adult time? Or am I being an evil stepmum? 😔

Quite mean to expect a child to never have some leeway on the weekend with bedtime.

However, OP, is this the life you want? Like, really?

As a stepmother I would get out of this situation like a house on fire. You will find your life improves 100%

It would be, are you not hurt that you wanted children and your partner went off and had a child with someone else? Just reading this is painful. You seem like a nice person who does care about DSC and your OH but have you actually considered your own feeling at all? None of what you’ve described is abnormal for a 5 year old, but I think your tolerance is low for it because as a step mum ultimately you have minimal say in the situation. If you were their real mum you can parent however you want. How old are you? Have you got much time left to have children? Why did you get back with him were there not many other men out there?

I think your relationship was broken the minute you broke up. I’ve never understood people who break up and get back together, especially when it happens more than once as it has in your relationship. The fact he had unprotected sex and got another woman pregnant shortly after you broke up would seal its fate for most people…

It’s great he has his child half the week, most dads do not. You seem to have been extremely accommodating and accepting thus far but realistically, I think your relationship is pretty doomed.