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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

no i am not but she is and i am sick of it

167 replies

narkymum · 30/06/2008 14:18

when i was at school we had a girl that would hang around copy us and be an irritating pia anyway my bro married her and she winds me up i.e finds out what gift my mums is getting from me goes one better i decorate she decorates exactly the same i get hair cut she does same style phones "my" friends saks them for coffee etc well funny enough i am pregnant (so is she) due a few weeks apart she has been admited early with pre eclamsia and my bro has just phoned to say they have a dd............ she has called her the name i have said we are having all along i can not believe it my bro even said its a girl bitch face wanted to call her blah sorry sis i dont even want to visit now

OP posts:
Sanctuary · 30/06/2008 18:04

If you know for a fact that you are having a girl
Speak to your brother from what you said at the beginning he knew you had chosen that name for your baby girl.Its sounds its about time he puts his foot down
My dd was nicknamed my grans name by my family as she is the spit of herwhen she was born
Its stuck AND she actually thinks its part of her name
So thats an option

Just learn from this and from know on keep your opinions to yourself as she is likely to copy when your dd is born clothes that kind of thing.

I know its not nice but you could actually play her for a laugh With this coping

You say you are getting this she goes out and gets it when in fact you are going out and getting that.She would make herself look like a right fool

She will SOOOOON get the message

flubdub · 30/06/2008 18:05

Kimi - At what point in either the OP, or any post afterwards did the OP state that she wanted peoples opinions on the name in question.
How unthoughtful, and tbh, rude of you.
The OP is feeling down anyway without comments about sheep!

Kimi · 30/06/2008 18:14

If the OP did not want a girl who she clearly hates (and who no doubt can't stand her) useing the name she should not have told her the name in the first place.
She can now either

A.Shut up and lump it

B.Use the name anyway for her own DD as everyone will know it has a special meaning to her and her DH and not her SIL

C. try and reason with her SIL ( SOUNDS LIKE THAT WILL NOT WORK THOUGH)

I was not meaning to be rude, Dorothy is a beautiful name, If the OP uses it, it will get shortened to Dolly by people anyway,

I take it the SIL is useing Dolly and not Dorothy

Kimi · 30/06/2008 18:17

I think the OP has every right to be cross/upset, but really I never told anyone what I was going to call my children as I have SILs like this, OP should have said oh we are going to call baby xxxx (and inserted worst name ever) then SIL would have looked a right pillock if she used it. (poor child though)

Pablop · 30/06/2008 18:17

YANBU I would be livid, I would have to have strong words with my brother too. You go ahead and call your lo Dolly.

SoupDragon · 30/06/2008 18:21

What Oops said : say "oh how lovely, we'd decided to use instead as we thought was too ."

Kimi · 30/06/2008 18:21

CAN YOUR MOTHER SPEAK TO THEM?

Kaedsmum · 30/06/2008 18:33

I've not read the whole lot, sorry, I know everyone finds that annoying but limited time online.

YANBU at all. I wouldn't visit either.

Hecate · 30/06/2008 18:42

Aw, poor you. I noticed you said you are about to have your own baby? You must be hot and heavy and hormonal and fed up. I remember one time I slid down a wall and sobbed for ten minutes because we'd run out of something. The last few weeks are not a woman's most reasonable time. This lot are being a bit hard on you I think!

I also think that your own brother surely has a hand in naming his own child? If he knows what it means he can talk to his wife. He certainly could have said to her how much that name meant - so perhaps instead of blaiming her alone you could remember that your own brother has gone along with this and HE is supposed to care more than your sil!!! So where is your anger towards him??

I think you really need to change the way you interact with her. STOP telling her stuff like what you are going to buy, or your redecoration plans! Or at least be vague - or tell her lies, like you are going to paint the walls bright green and have a tangerine coloured sofa And stop telling your brother this stuff too - since he will obviously tell her (quite reasonably since she's his wife!). Create some distance.

Or even start saying "We got X from such and such shop, I know you tend to like to do the same, so I thought I'd let you know they've got a sale on" and all sorts of stuff like that. Might make her think?

Finally...take a deep breath. What matters here is YOUR family. That's you, your husband and your baby!!! Make them your focus, don't waste your time and energy on outsiders (because BLOODY HELL you are going to need to save it for that baby! )

squeaver · 30/06/2008 18:44

What Hecate said.

Most importantly - your brother needs to grow some balls stand up to her.

Kimi · 30/06/2008 18:48

Well said Hecate

hertsnessex · 30/06/2008 19:15

cant your mum say something to her or your brother...........sounds as though she is being stupid.

Kimi · 30/06/2008 19:23

What has your DH said, poor man.
I really really think someone should talk to your brother, whilst it is a name and anyone can use it, the fact your SIL has knowing you wanted to use it as a tribute to your husbands mother is really unkind.

Do you think she knows how hostile you are to her and ejoys winding you up? Do you think she really likes the name? Do you think she wanted to hurt and upset you (and she is clearly winning)? Is she the sort of person to give her child a name just to wind you up even if she did not like the name?

I feel so sorry for your DH, Can he speak to your brother? Can your mother speak to your brother, what has your brother said?

YANBU to be upset, I think you should still name your DD after her gran, will the two girls have much to do with each other?

Hope it can be sorted out.

lydiathetattooedlady · 30/06/2008 19:49

oh my god i would be fuming if that was me!
its not just a name its a family nickname thats special to you and your dh.
i agree with hecate that your brother should say somwthing, he knew how special it was to you two.
im very, whats the word, possessive of my dd's name! even though it now isn't that un-popular my nostrils started to flare the other day when a close friend said she wanted that name for her pending baby!

ChukkyPig · 30/06/2008 20:06

I would be pissed off.

Call your baby the name you have intended all along. It really doesn't matter if there are two in the family. It's the name you have chosen and it's important to your DH.

Babies/children always get nicknames anyway - I rarely call DD by her actual name expect when around people who don't know us. With two in the family they will quickly have nicknames but your DD "real" and given name will be the one that's so important.

Congrats and good luck with your baby by the way!

savoycabbage · 30/06/2008 20:13

Please call your baby the name you have chosen. I stupidly didn't call our second dd the name I had picked and I regret it so much. I would be really upset and mad if I were you. You are NOT being unreasonable. Have the name you have chosen and don't concern yourself with what everybody else thinks.

GirlySquare · 30/06/2008 20:14

What Hecate and squeaver said. Maybe using Dolly as middle name or using a variation would help? YANBU to be upset, I would be really fed up especially with hormones all over the place .

savoycabbage · 30/06/2008 20:21

I know someone called Dorothy who is called Dot.

edam · 30/06/2008 20:26

Tell your brother you've changed your mind and are going to call your dd Ella/Charlotte/Hannah etc. etc. etc. If your SIL is really obsessed with copying you, she might just decide to register her dd under a different name.

Pre-eclampsia stuff sounds very scary though, I do feel for her, however irritating she is. But I can see why Dolly is such a big deal for you.

bonio · 30/06/2008 21:02

you know./ now you hagve said the name I am feeling quite sad on your behalf.
Dolly is a trully FAB name, and not at all common nowadays so I do think your bro and sil are out of order using it.

But I still think you should use it too and tell your bro NOW that you intend to.

I would just say to him " you do know we had planned to call our baby DollY, don't you? We did tell you that a long time ago? well we are still going to do that, just so you know."

Aitch · 30/06/2008 21:06

yep, i'd do what bonio suggests, see if that makes a difference.

bonio · 30/06/2008 21:07

I did mention earlier my sil called her daughter the same name as mine.

Again, not a common name. Both girls are called Bonnie.

my daughter is 5 years older.

After my initial shock I have to say I felt really flattered and there is NO confusion at all within the family.

The 2 girls are quite different types of Bonnie!

I m sure everyone in your family will know your own special reasons for calling your daughter Dolly and will prob think your brother v odd for calling his girl the same, just in advance of you.
GO DOLLY!

theinsider · 30/06/2008 21:10

Feel for you. Hope you can get resolution.

bonio · 30/06/2008 21:12

There is of course another possibility.
When oyour little girl is born, you may look at her and decide she is not really a Dolly at all!

Prior to Bonnie being born we had chosen the name Heather, absolutely sure, no other contenders. BUT when she arrived she just did not fit the name.

"Bonnie" came out of thin air! I still don't wher we got it from. It just seemed to land in my brain soon after she was born...

But if your darling babe is a Dolly, you damn well call her Dolly!

I assure you, most people will think your bro very strange for using the same name that has such significance to you.

He can do the explaining.

Abitconcerned · 30/06/2008 21:23

I like Dorothy, your sil sounds a right pillock tbh, be the bigger person, with the longer name and your MIL will be smiling down at you and laughing at that silly mare.