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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

no i am not but she is and i am sick of it

167 replies

narkymum · 30/06/2008 14:18

when i was at school we had a girl that would hang around copy us and be an irritating pia anyway my bro married her and she winds me up i.e finds out what gift my mums is getting from me goes one better i decorate she decorates exactly the same i get hair cut she does same style phones "my" friends saks them for coffee etc well funny enough i am pregnant (so is she) due a few weeks apart she has been admited early with pre eclamsia and my bro has just phoned to say they have a dd............ she has called her the name i have said we are having all along i can not believe it my bro even said its a girl bitch face wanted to call her blah sorry sis i dont even want to visit now

OP posts:
Twinkie1 · 30/06/2008 14:56

I do not think you are being unreasonable - if someone had domne that to me I would have gone and punched their face in - I did have angry pregnancy syndrome though!

Distance yourself from both of them and when they ask you tell them - did you say anything to your brother about the name that they have chosen??

I think people are being mean to you on here though - FFS when I was pregnant I wanted to kill half the world for far less than what they have done to you!

theressomethingaboutmarie · 30/06/2008 14:56

Narkymum - you are living up to the first part of your name today! Go on, give the girl a break, she's probably got really low self-esteem and it doesn't sound like either of you have grown up since school. Be the better person, shrug it off and let it go.

DoubleBluff · 30/06/2008 14:56

LAdies, come on.
I have to say i would be upset if someone gave their child a name that I really wanted to use, esp if there wa a sentimental reason.
I think you are being a bit OTT here in your responses to OP.
She is clearly upset about it.

alicet · 30/06/2008 14:57

Actually I am going to go against the grain and say YANBU.

Those who say noone owns a name are of course totally right. But I would be totally p*ssed off if this had happened to me. Esp as you had picked a name so personal to yourselves.

However, I think you will have to get over it and vow never to share any personal info like this with her again. And call your dd this name regardless.

I do understand why you didn't get much sympathy though as you did come accross as a little spoilt in your op. Reading your later posts I don't think this so much but all of us go on first impressions don't we? I think no punctuation makes this worse and comes accross as a huge rant even when it's not meant that way.

bergentulip · 30/06/2008 14:57

True, isn't that half the fun though? You wrote, I assume, to get an honest opinion-- which is what you have received.

Seriously though, angry or not, if you want people to take the time to read what you have to say and consider it (without getting a headache), punctuate!

WingsofaAngel · 30/06/2008 14:59

Call your dd what you want to call her.(It is still a special name to you, and you have a story to tell dd who she was named after)

Stop telling SIL all your business.

Be thankful that the baby is healthy pre eclampsia isn't nice and life threatening to both mother and baby.

I hope you have a problem free rest of your pregnancy.

honeybehappy · 30/06/2008 14:59

if the name means that much just use it.

Do you see them often? I have cousions with the same name as me.

littlelapin · 30/06/2008 15:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

herbietea · 30/06/2008 15:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

brightongirldownunder · 30/06/2008 15:02

Think its the hormones, Narky. Eat lots of chocolate.
Call your DD the name you decided on regardless - it obviously means a lot to you.
Does your SIL have any good points?

moopdaloop · 30/06/2008 15:03

I think you have a point IF its an unusual name and the name of your MIL who is now deceased then she is out of order. You need to tell your brother how very upset you are that they are using the name that is so special to your husband and that you don't think you will be able to ever get over it and ask them to reconsider.

Turniphead1 · 30/06/2008 15:03

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

alicet · 30/06/2008 15:03

True there is nothing to stop her using it.

But if you have deliberately picked a name partly for the fact it's unusual, you're going to be a bit hacked off that someone who is close family picks the same one aren't you?

I'm not saying that the OP has the right to do anythingn about it. But she is not unreasonable to be pissed off!

bentneckwine1 · 30/06/2008 15:14

People are expecting you to call your child after it's grandmother who died shortly before the child was born. So everybody round about you knows in advance what a sensitive decision you have made.

Your sister-in-law who is no relative to the dead woman's family has now decided to call her child by the same name that you had planned...this name was a family nickname for the dead woman and not her actual name.

Therefore anybody that has anything to do with your family circumstances will know that the name 'belongs' to your child and the only person making themselves look daft is the sister-in-law. Keep the name and please call your child after the grandmother who would have adored her...and as your child grows you can tell her that she was named to give respect to such an inspirational woman.

As for the daft sister-in-law...as her child grows then how is she going to explain her child's unusual name...oh you were named to annoy your aunt who was grieving for a dead mother figure...sure the niece will really thank her mother for that.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all...this would have stuck in my throat too. If the sister-in-law decided to call the child by the dead woman's full christian name then I don't think you would have cause to complain but she had hijacked a family invented petname for a much loved dead mother. The sister-in-law is married to your brother so has no claim on the family name for your husband's dead mother.

milkgoddessmakesthefinestmilk · 30/06/2008 15:17

how old are you?

NorthernLurker · 30/06/2008 15:26

YABU. Just get over it and go and meet your new niece. I assume she is well btw as you don't actually mention that?

Eddas · 30/06/2008 15:27

well i don't think yabu. i'd be really annoyed too. I do agree that a name isn't yours, anyone can use it. However, in this case it's been well known for months(i assume) that your child would be called this? If it were me my brother probably would've lost his head, especially when i was pg! Mind you my brother would've had the good sense to talk his wife out of it. This is their child not just hers so he should have equal say in the name. I'd be suprised if the rest of your family don't give her funny looks when they hear the name too. You may even find they change it before it's registered? although by the sound of it the woman is more than slightly odd.

nervousal · 30/06/2008 15:29

what if you have a boy?? Would SIL have been expected not to use name for ANY of her kids in case you have a girl at some point??

lulumama · 30/06/2008 15:30

imitation is the sincerest form of flattery

but you choose to take it as a personal affront

if you know what she is like, then you take steps to not give her information that if she copies, will upset you

take some responsibility too!

pre eclapmsia can be very, very serious, even life threatening for mother and baby.. you should be glad they are alive and well, rather than whinging about a name

nothing to stop you calling your DD the name too

you need to take steps to address how you feel as if she is your brother's wife, she is going ot be part of the family for a looooong time

ummadam · 30/06/2008 15:31

IMO YANBU - it would drive me up the wall too!

and you have done the adult thing and sounded off anonymously online rather than taking it out on your brother.

Call your little girl what you want - the name will still be special as it will be your daughter's name

UniversallyChallenged · 30/06/2008 15:31

Narky - I think you are probably more annoyed at yourself aren't you?

Knowing someone for what? 10 years or so? and telling them something so important when their known behaviour is to copy. I would be wanting to kick myself for being so stupid!

zookeeper · 30/06/2008 15:34

Call your baby the name you had chosen and get over yourself.

itati · 30/06/2008 15:46

I don't think the SIL admires you or is jealous of you.

I think you are being OTT as there is absolutely nothing stopping you from using the name yourself.

1066andallthat · 30/06/2008 15:47

I've posted this before - I was named (two names) for my paternal Great-Aunt, who'd just died. My Mother's sister used both names when her daughter was born first.

Fast forward many years and it all worked out fine: I have a name with history and my cousin and I live in different countries and have different nick-names.

If you really, really love this name, use it. If you want to make a point, you can distinguish between the girls as X and X-original .

In the meantime, be the bigger woman: your brother has apologised; your SIL just appears totally immature and you can still use the name.

No, given you are pregnant and this name has real connotations for you, I do not think you are being unreasonable. My elder boy is named for my late brother and being able to celebrate someone very special meant the world to me. Sorry, she has taken the shine off it for you.

bonio · 30/06/2008 15:52

my sil called her first child the name I had "chosen"

I was a bit miffed then came to my senses! She had the baby first, after all.

A dif sister in law called her daughter the same as mine , and I was very flattered.