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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

no i am not but she is and i am sick of it

167 replies

narkymum · 30/06/2008 14:18

when i was at school we had a girl that would hang around copy us and be an irritating pia anyway my bro married her and she winds me up i.e finds out what gift my mums is getting from me goes one better i decorate she decorates exactly the same i get hair cut she does same style phones "my" friends saks them for coffee etc well funny enough i am pregnant (so is she) due a few weeks apart she has been admited early with pre eclamsia and my bro has just phoned to say they have a dd............ she has called her the name i have said we are having all along i can not believe it my bro even said its a girl bitch face wanted to call her blah sorry sis i dont even want to visit now

OP posts:
UniversallyChallenged · 30/06/2008 16:11

Would love to know the name though Narky - gona spill?

Turniphead1 · 30/06/2008 16:19

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Kimi · 30/06/2008 16:26

If this woman winds you up so much and you know that she copys you, why on earth did you tell her the name you had chosen?

Any way you might have a boy.

Turniphead1 · 30/06/2008 16:28

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Original poster
narkymum · 30/06/2008 16:29

ok have done school run .
Calmed down in the sunshine.
Was seriously worried about my niece and sil condition, have had my nephew all week staying with me.
First thing I said when bro phoned was how is sil , thank god all ok hows baby? etc sent love to all. Then he told me name. When I said oh! he said sorry sis .
My mil was called Dorothy and her nick name was Dolly hardly common and too different to have two in family. This is my sil not dh so she has no conection to mil.
My dh does not know yet and I know he will be very hurt, he was v close to his mum and grieving
.I am sorry if I sounded spoilt earlier, more gutted actually. Any way have seen pic of baby and she is lovely but I can not say her name without wanting to cry.

OP posts:
munchiesmama · 30/06/2008 16:34

sorry love i can imagine u must be very disappointed x

littlelapin · 30/06/2008 16:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoubleBluff · 30/06/2008 16:38

Aww Narky, really feel for you.

DoubleBluff · 30/06/2008 16:39

I f your brother is saying sorry to you, he obv thinks they are out of order, can you try and talk to him and see if he can get his wife to change it?
Or your Mum spk to him?
To me it seems really unfair on you and DH.
If they won't budge I would still use it, but never tell SIL anything ever agian.

aly16 · 30/06/2008 16:40

I agree that you cannot not see your niece as you will regret this and she should not lose an auntie over this. However I do sympathise I have same prob with my husbands sister. She compares and copys everything and fell pregnant 3 weeks after we told her we were expecting. We now no longer speak but I miss her child sooo much. Just grin and bear it for the sake of your bro and niece xx

Amandella · 30/06/2008 16:44

Narky - I feel sorry for you too. Not a nice situation - but I'm glad you seem to have calmed down a bit and I think it's lovely the way you spoke with your brother. Could you perhaps think of using Dolly as your dd's middle name instead or would this make it worse? I would personally not go with the same name but that's just me...

Sparkletastic · 30/06/2008 16:49

I really feel for you Narky. That is a great name. I really would call your DD this as it is so meaningful - a tribute to your MIL and comfort for your DH. Tell your DB and SIL that this is what you are going to do, and why. Maybe your DB's good sense will prevail over SIL's Single White Female tendencies.

Turniphead1 · 30/06/2008 16:50

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

brightongirldownunder · 30/06/2008 16:54

Dolly is a lovely name and means a lot to your DH. Amandellas right - have you thought about it being a middle name? Our DD's middle name is also my DH's mum's name. She passed away years ago and I feel that its even more special that way - helps my DH to remember her too .

Sparkletastic · 30/06/2008 16:54

Ohhhh Thea is luvverley!

beaniesteve · 30/06/2008 17:02

"oh and when i told her the name i wanted at 5 mths she laughed and said she hated it its unusal and i have always loved it as it has special meaning to me and dh which she knows i have to calm down will blow a casket in a min"

I have to say - I can understand why this would be hurtful and why you feel so upset.
If she kne the name you had picked and she laughed at it when you told her but then she went ahead and gave the name her own child - well that's rather spiteful and shows a lot of bad intent.

So I don't see why should be expected or even want to carry on having anything to do with her.

If it was just a coincidence then I'd understand, but clearly from what you said it was done deliberately.

elliephant · 30/06/2008 17:07

Narky of course yanbu.This is not just a random name you liked and picked, it has special meaning for you and your DH, and your SIL and DB know this. I would encourage you to call your LO after your MIL, not to spite your SIL but to honour memories. Decide you are not going to worry about two cousins having the same name ( its not uncommon particulary - in my DH's family all the male cousins are called variations of just three uncommon names). Let your SIL worry about that. And when your DD is older you can tell her how she got her name and share stories about her namesake .

LittleMissBliss · 30/06/2008 17:19

Your SIL sounds like such a cow. I think you should use Dolly regardless. I think your Mum should have a quiet word with your brother. He should have a choice in the name surely and by the 'sorry sis' it doesn't sound like he's happy with the choice. You are not being unreasonable, my step sister used to copy me and it was unbearable! Luckily she has grown up shame your SIL hasn't.

UniversallyChallenged · 30/06/2008 17:19

I think the suggestion of "Thea" as a derivitive of Dorothy is a lovely one - it's a beautiful name. Though Dolly is very sweet name you can still explain your new choice as a tribute to you MiL.

I think tbh as someone said if you do stick with Dolly it is your SiL who will end up looking a little daft, not you

Kimi · 30/06/2008 17:28

Dolly will always remind me of that sheep that was cloned.
Dorothy is much nicer than Dolly

LittleMissBliss · 30/06/2008 17:35

Kimi why slate her name choice thats not going to help the op feel any better about the situation. The name Dolly has allot of meaning to her DH and herself, being the name of her Dh's late mother. It may not to you but you should keep that to yourself under the circumstances.

Kimi · 30/06/2008 17:40

I was not slating it, just saying Dorothy was much nicer if she feels she can no longer use Dolly, Although I do not see why she could not use the name even if her SIL has used it as cousind having the same name is not a big deal.
My sister and our cousin have the same name (diff spellings) OP could always use Dollie.

I think SIL is just being silly and if she knew the name meant so much to OP and her DH it is just plane spiteful to use it, but it is done now, and I am sure the SIL will always have to deal with the fact her useing the name was silly and childish and everyone will know so.
Then again it is just a name a word not worth cutting a baby out of your life over,
I am sure the OP can tribute her Dear MIL still

Kimi · 30/06/2008 17:43

What I would have kept to myself was any name I was thinking of useing from a SIL who seems hell bent on winding the OP up.

I had an Aunty dolly, everyone called her Doll

Sazisi · 30/06/2008 17:53

I can completely see why you're annoyed.

The baby has just been born, they won't have had a chance to register her yet, so persuade your sil to choose another name. Take a very softly softly approach and explain to her very clearly that it was your mil's name, and means sooo much to your DH who is still grieving her loss. In other words, appeal to her better nature

AAnd if that doesn't work, enlist your brother, mum etcetera and gang up on her ;)

Kimi · 30/06/2008 18:00

You could always peer in to the cot and say "she does'ent look like a Dolly" if everyone does this SIL might change the name